Life as a function of Time

This has been a really tough week.  My back is pulled which makes me feel like I'm 100 years old.  No 1000 years old.  I'm planning on trying to swim for the first time in a week today, not even sure if that will be possible or not or what it will feel like afterwards.  I only know that it goes away after it happens so it will go away.

I've also had as much rejection as I can stand this week; but there is, perhaps, more to come; but probably not today.  Please not today.  None of the worst, but it is unpleasant and there should have been one of 4 and the other, well it had a purpose which might yet be met.  The other 4 I don't understand, but I will see where it goes now but I have no particular plan.  And yet...

There is so much frigging promise in what is left after that was gone.

https://angel.co/today/stories/a-brief-history-of-semiconductors-how-the-us-cut-costs-and-lost-the-leading-edge-40322?email_uid=2228090352&utm_campaign=platform_digest-daily&utm_content=a-brief-history-of-semiconductors-how-th&utm_medium=email&utm_source=platform_digest-daily&utm_term=

I can turn this around, just me and my science.  But I don't know how I will do it the way things stand and I can barely think through the pain which isn't going anywhere.

I swam, it is amazing how counter-intuitive it is to work up to flip turns and an hour of swimming.  I did 2000 yards, but only 500 im; most of it was an easy to moderate warm up pace and the ims though helpful were extremely difficult.

Afterwards I could walk upright, but not without some stiffness and if I don't spend the evening laying flat on a hard surface I'm not sure what tomorrow will be like.  I can already feel everything beginning to stiffen up and I am not laying down much as I need to be flat on a hard surface.  I'm too tired, too frustrated, too sad and maybe too angry to do what I need to do.

This has been a very difficult week where a lot of the progress I was making fell aside due to the crowds and then this illness.  Things overall are both better than they have ever been and as bleak as I could possibly imagine them to be.

I seem to have been in a similar mood in August, 8 years ago.  Where did the time go, where did everything go?

8/7/13

I have experienced in my life and I have observed in the greater society the effects of something which could be religious in nature but which I would say is more likely to be a function of time and consciousness in a singularity based system.  While differentiating between god and the combined intelligence of the universe over all time concentrated at a single spot might be impossible to differentiate from a practical standpoint; it might be said that one is a partial explanation of the other at least.
How else can we explain how as individuals we are so intelligent but as a group we are unable to manage our affairs without war, prejudice and submission to random passions?  I have explored in another work, China's Weaponized Economy, the question of applying intelligence to address these types of problems.  Interestingly, that involved the application of time to the decision making process.

test me

Summer has arrived, the mad river is flowing again without a sheet of ice and 4 days seem like 4 years. I wondered if this sense of being lost is shared or just a sense i have, perhaps connected to the inner ear thimg.  I have a few questions and a few answers but everything turns on what I do or don't do next.  It has been difficult to get to the mountains of work ahead and becomingmore urgent by the minute. Im getting no response or help from every one i hoped to hear from.

What waits tomorrow?

Nature is ultimately deterministic.  God does not play dice with the universe.

 quantum theory is at best an ineffective theory.  A more fundamental, deterministic theory of everything exists.

That's a lot of speculation turning into a statement. 

Here is where things were in August of 2013.  It easily could have been how things stood today.

8/7/13

you didn't need to test me
to let me know your special
you did not need to have others
attest to your many talents
for me to be aware of them
nor flaunt your lovers
past, present and future
for me to know you are desirable
you did not need to swim before me
for me to know you were sensual
nor make love to me
for me to know I love you
you didn't need to threaten me
directly or indirectly
to let me know there was something to lose
but you did all of these things
you provoked me with them
whether by accident or design
you told me you would withdraw
if you were of a mind to do it
and you didn't have to disappear
suddenly and without notice
to make me miss you
You decide when to be there
and when to go
and for how long each time
so if I take your advice
that you give to yourself
and leave you
does it mean i love you too much
or that i don't love you at all

wiki, time and the big bang, although its all wrong

316 old posts left to go.

My body has not been digesting food right for the last 3 days, not that you want to hear that.

It has not been something terrible, well a few days ago when this started it was pretty terrible.

Right now things are better.  I'm almost afraid to eat, but I'm hungry enough to know that I'd best stick with simple foods.

As someone who has done very hard brainy things and very hard physical things, I can say that doing tough emotional things is harder than most brainy/physical things.

While I cannot fully ascribe my stomach problems to that, I think it was a bad smoothie from a chain that starts with a P and is not known for their frozen drinks or a frozen pizza from a company that starts with a D and advertises its pizza, maybe too much of that for my digestive system.  My emotional system could easily be part of the problem.

Back in July of 2013 I was obviously wrestling with the idea of what time was.  Hawking and others are just missing the point entirely and associating with the latest big bang is just pre-AuT nonsense.

I'm not going to describe time here, I've done it in earlier posts and it is both obvious and clear from the science of AuT.

The problem with the tough things, it took a long time to figure out what time was, the rest of science literally till a couple of years ago and me 7 years, is that they are tough.  The rewards are great in my case, I worry about the rewards being transient, but it would be a great transience.  The cost are high also and I fear they are permanent.

Perhaps the tough things should not be tough if the answers are obvious, but obvious is a difficult thing to deal with.  If the tough things can be rendered easy, like time, that is the best way to handle them.  But I cannot give myself unlimited time to deal with my problems, for while I understand time and know how to control it, I am still a slave to the underlying change that gives rise to it.

That brings me to July of 2013 and this pre-aut nonsense...

7/14/13

Time and the Big Bang

Stephen Hawking in particular has addressed a connection between time and the Big Bang. In A Brief History of Time and elsewhere, Hawking says that even if time did not begin with the Big Bang and there were another time frame before the Big Bang, no information from events then would be accessible to us, and nothing that happened then would have any effect upon the present time-frame.^[62] Upon occasion, Hawking has stated that time actually began with the Big Bang, and that questions about what happened before the Big Bang are meaningless.^[63][64][65] This less-nuanced, but commonly repeated formulation has received criticisms from philosophers such as Aristotelian philosopher Mortimer J. Adler.^[66][67]
Scientists have come to some agreement on descriptions of events that happened 10⁻³⁵ seconds after the Big Bang, but generally agree that descriptions about what happened before one Planck time (5 × 10⁻⁴⁴ seconds) after the Big Bang are likely to remain pure speculation.

Speculative physics beyond the Big Bang[edit]

 

While the Big Bang model is well established in cosmology, it is likely to be refined in the future. Little is known about the earliest moments of the universe's history. The Penrose–Hawking singularity theorems require the existence of a singularity at the beginning of cosmic time. However, these theorems assume that general relativity is correct, but general relativity must break down before the universe reaches the Planck temperature, and a correct treatment of quantum gravity may avoid the singularity.^[68]

Living Forever with E-hologram theory

Still at 174.4

Turned on AC for first time today.  Just high enough at night to prevent the electronics from melting and during the day to be comfortable with my shirt off.

Here are some quotes, one old, one new

When innocence pleads, the generous hand is stayed. (Ancient Western)

What is Grief if not the survival of love (WandaVision)

I have the ability to tie my computer and phone together, but often it is just easier to send an email.

Keep in mind, the nonsense posts from 2013 largely did not get posted.  I can only hope that whatever was posted makes more sense than this.

July 26, 2013

One question is whether the mastery of time would allow us to live forever

connecting time and thought

The blog post which follows is perhaps the most absurd of the posts that I have ever typed.  I can tell you that there is a mystery of some high order which allows for the quantum count, memory and whatnot in an environment free of time and dimension as we know it; but that is another matter for another post, book or nothing.

I suppose I must have scared you off with the comment I made at the end of our last conversation, I sort of blurted that out; the intent and intelligence behind it seem legitimate even this long after it was made; but perhaps it was not what it should have been.  I simple "good day madam," might have been more what you were looking for.

I weighed in at 174.4 this morning; did a very long walk this evening, hoping for another opportunity to cover these matters in more depth and I am tired.  I missed 2 hours of work twice in visits but they were well worth the investment and I am tired and ready for little more than getting ready for sleep and posting this absurd post from July of 2013.

7/22/13

One improbable, but not nearly as improbable as thought itself, concept in the e-hologram universe is that time which, from our point of reference, literally explodes the singularity is a function of thought.  It is absurd to think that thought could have that kind of power, but, in this case, all of the thought that was, is or will be can be brought to bear on the singularity given Einstein's hypothesis as applied to the singularity and E-hologram theory.
This much thought, representing a tremendous concentration of electro-chemical power in a single instant might give a linear type of self awareness to the singularity, defining time and dimension and serving as a speed limit.
Time may serve as the speed limit, light speed, by having thought defined by the speed of light.  While this is a circular argument, circular arguments are supported by the infinite series displayed in the perceived universe which are themselves circular.  In fact, time may be perceived as a circular coil going to infinity in both directions although this is the subject of another blog entry.
Likewise, the idea that time may go faster is we think faster is self defeating in that light speed is only relative so that no matter how quickly we think, time would just be perceived based on that speed; but perhaps that is also fodder for a future blog.
If there is a connection between thought and time, then there should be some way to test this theoretically if we knew what to test it against.
What are the possibilities?  Since time and dimension are interchangeably we should be able move things or slow down time.  However, if time is a function of all thought that was, is or will be; the relative effect of one person on the universe might be too small even with modern technology to measure it.  If you were going to

On birthdays

On the eve of a birthday, I find an old blog on birthdays.

For me, 1 weighed in at 174, a pound under my first target weight and somehow managed to squeak out 2000 yards (1000 im) after a hard bike ride and weights a day ago, so I am where I am.

A little tired and a little worn, but still here.

July 13, 2013

Did I remember your birthday

if not, how come a week before
I hopedyou'd do whatever was fun
I know what I want
it has little to do with
what I need to do
the difference is not subtle
a matter of what you wanted vs what you did
spend my time making myself better
for me for you make myself better
ok maybe it is for you
I spend all of my time thinking about you
about what you said in your e-mail to days ago
what you said 30 years ago
wondering what you thought then
what are you thinking now
wondering how much richer our lives should be
and whether it is worth hoping that one day
our lives will be what they could be now
or if that is just a waste of time

the wager

this was an interestingly titled post from july

tonight i had a terrible swim although it was as fast as i could make it and 1800 yards with 1000 im.

I was tired when I got to the pool and unlike most swims i was moretired afterwards.

I have been working on a  facinating, old problem of trigonometry with a slight twist but Ithink I have all the moving parts although perhaps not.

There is so much to say, the eternity that exists without love

the value of one night of love compared to a million nights without it

But there was more going on than eternity and love in July of 2013, a fevered mind burned darkly.

This poem was called the wager and perhaps when it was written it was a birthday presant or perhaps a present, but I can no longer remember.

july 2, 2013

An unwilling silence and loneliness
We write to an unseen audience
hoping that one person is out there
someone to read and to understand
but you cannot know who is listening
you cannot know if they understand
that longing is a two way street
that friendship promised is a risk
that love promised is a greater risk
that risking friendship for love
is perhaps the greatest risk
whether it is known when the die is cast
or only after the wager is won or lost

What is right

174.6

Had my first real swim since being vaccinated today.  The first swim afterwards hurt terribly because my arm hurt so bad.  That was a very weird swim which felt impossible because I could not raise my arm, but somehow I swam anyway and today I did 2200 yards with 1200 im, although there was so little that I expected and I never felt that I had gotten in the groove of swimming, I never did.

I'm not sure what happened this week, it flew away in a most unpleasant way, the stress of events getting worse and worse.  Its not a matter of bad news, although there is some of that, it is more a matter of a lack of good news.

Today, the food I ate disagreed with me, I walked and it was better.  My stomach churned so much that had I been swimming already instead of walking, it would have turned the pool into seltzer.  You don't want to hear that.

After the swim I felt better, but still not good.

I did not get as much done as I hoped today, really almost nothing was done although the work progressed after a fashion and I should be able to wait, but I cannot because the time does not exist for me to wait.  There is a constant need for things to be done, money to be spent that isn't there yet.

May, that is when I'm supposed to hear something next.  Two months is a long time to wait.  And I don't know what I am waiting for, it might be nothing or it might be something and if something it might be good or bad.  It can only be so so good, but it could be very bad.  So I can't just wait.

I'm not sure what to do next but there is no shortage of things to do.  I need to figure out which of them to do and in what order.  The how is as complicated as the what.  That is how complicated everything is, how maddening it is.  How pressing it is, will it come too late for me, too late for you, too late for everyone?

This is a look at the past, back to June of 2013...what was I thinking?

June 30, 2013

It is right you should be
The last lover
The last one I love
It is right to hide
What I am
What I feel
Wrong to capture it
A photograph of loss
Sadness and regret
No-one wants to read it
Hope for the future
Share the past
It is selfish not to hold it
Nor sharing my feelings
With only death to read it

cosmic event vrs coincidence

174.8.  Apparently a weekend of near illness had a benefical effect on my weight despite the relative lack of exercise.

I was not going to exercise the day I first wrote this, I had a flip flop blow our and I was in the process of attempting to effectuate repairs with the adhesives and tools I have on hand.  I had my second covid shot and after a full morning with not even knowing for sure that I had received a shot.  This morning it was so sore that I couldn't sleep.  Swimming was unimaginable; but it was the best shot at working out the pain and it worked; but that was only 1200 yards, 600 im.  About as little as I have done in years, but it worked.

Maybe tomorrow I will swim, but I needed at least one day off and given the weather (very nice) I rode my bike to my office instead of taking the day off after the swim although there was nothing athletic or more than moderate exercise even on the uphill parts.

I do think I will sleep tonight, but I do not feel relaxed.

Last night I had a dream with a great deal of background and detail about taking a specific group of courses and only being ready for the test in one and seeking the registrar in a crowd to see if it was not too late to drop those classes in which I had done nothing.  How many times have I had that dream, I wonder if it ever was true.

 Another blank email this one from 6/29/13 with the reference above.

I have another deadline on March 1 which does not concern me but I am working towards it.

I read this in an old western I am reading.

Each day was marvelous because each day they could be together, but the most imposing scenic view or the most majestic mountain meant less to them than a moon or star-lit evening when they could walk beneath soft light and be away on the magic wings that are granted all young lovers. While they were with those in the wagon they were at the same time apart from them. To each, the most important thing in the world was the other. A word, or a gesture, which in ordinary living would be commonplace, acquired a meaning and a significance all its own. Their private world was a wonderful place which no one else could enter.