i wrote this post last night before i went to sleep, but only in my mind and this morning much of it is lost.
I went on my first post surgery bike ride yesterday, not too far, but enough to put some sress on everything.
As the weddings approach i realize how much of that is tied to what i am doing, living someone else's life for someone else who is part of someone else's perfect world, and this world is far from perfect. No one wins, it is a game of percentages, how much is lost because of one bad decision, on one series of decisions or hesitancy at a moment of crisis or acting when no act is required.
i cannot tell how far in the past these articles are, i did not check, but they are dated except for the last one which is recent, perhaps from today or yesterday, at least when it was shared with me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDfSe4sjmNw
https://www.newsweek.com/quantum-physics-gender-binaries-1516315
https://www.facebook.com/100083165393815/posts/154703390645173/?mibextid=Nif5oz
The last article takes me back only to yesterdqy in terms of when i read it, but it takes me back a decade when i think of what it means.
How easy it would have been to have been visited by 3 ghosts last night who would tell me what to do next. But there were no ghosts and I woke up to nothing but darkness, cold and coffee that was a couple of days old, at least a day past its prime.
It is quiet now, the afternoon is long although darkness is at least an hour away.. I have had 9,000 steps today compared to the 14000 yesterday, 11 stairs compared to to 12 yesterday; but i can get the last steps if i want and perhaps i could get the steps, but I am so tired, i will rest for a while. Come to me in my dreams.
