Addressing things

 I am very tired of you breaking things off 

and then blaming it on me.

Does not mean I don;t deserve the blame

I can't say the right thing

or the appropriate thing

I think of graveyard services in the snow

and I just want a picture

Of you

In the snow

 mourning 

and why

it would be so rare 

so so tragic 

I'm not ready to suffer

It's my brother's birthday

among other things

I missed lunch

I'm still not hungry

all nerves

I walked the day before

Today 

an advertised snow storm

the cold kept the golfers away

i had my private park

all to me and the dog

the sky did not hint of the storm coming

it was the bluest

most beautiful sky

it reminded me of your eyes

although not exactly the blue

and not like the sky at all

but a beautiful color

that I don't see enough of

to mourn

Their passing

1.19.25 Sunday

 I do a lot to make something 

that has never worked work.

Mostly it's what I don't do 

that haunts me.

I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight - Tommy Boyce & Bobby Hart - YouTube   I like this version of the video.

My life is confusing

inconsistent

illogical

unreal

to me

I read some poems by Mary Oliver 

in her book devotions

They are not unlike my posts

Better for sure

Bur she doesn't spend as much time

trying to figure out how the universe works

faux spiders and swastikas

or trying to save humanity

with technology

that says there is no reason

or maybe she does

I have no idea

yesterday i found how shocking

a few words can be

but we already know that

j' accuse

that's it

let's try

love

hate

together

apart

did the person 

who invented writing

just want an accounting

the rosetta stone

or was "they"

trying for something else

to capture a moment

a thought

and hold onto it

long enough

to tell someone else

1.4.25 The first Saturday of the year

Really?

You have to be kidding me.

But I shouldn't be surprised

And it really makes no difference

You would be there anyway

All the time

Every day

These hard days

psychologically

financially

medically even

life hangs in the balance

death is stable

the only permanent part of the set

perhaps something will change this year

but nothing changes

Almost, almost this time

I changed things

But to what purpose

What does it matter if

things change

if I am dead

or you are alive

A puzzle with half the pieces missing

may have some value

but it is very different

than the value if it is complete

I work

I wait

I despair

amazed at what is missed

at willful ignorance

at prejudice

pomposity

sitting in shadows

waiting

for a light

or a more complete

darkness