92722

I was not very efficient yesterday, although I did get some necessary validation from third parties, have some important calls for tomorrow (yesterday calls for tomorrow a phrase worth considering) and was able to send out some emails and get some language which is important over the last few days and which hopefully will come in the next few days.

 I am an awful person.

It is delightfully cool out this morning and all i can think about is how nice it would be to sit outside with you.  What is wrong with me?  It is so easy for you to move on, it is so easy for everyone normal to move on, but i have to live like a tragic character in a Shakespear play, ruled by my emotions without the benefit of logic.

I swam yesterday, with this cool weather, my swimming outside days are numbered.  I have seen multiple high 50s weather and just one day (today) with that low depending on the weather service which is weird, but the weather is delightful, summer is gone, winter is coming

I will call you iiiif it is the light purple, a sign that my heart conttols the weather.  For a storm brought us together and perhaps another tore us apart.  It is no wonder my life is torn so badly asunder that i cannot find a way forward.

This is from yesterday, but there is one similar today, an outlier which goes as far west as new orleans in one of the models; although the general concensus is that florida will be weather cut in half by this storm.

It is early, not yet 7am but i am going to post this and perhaps i will come back later in the day and update it.

92633

 I'm interested in 7000 year old roundels more than current events. 

Woke up this morning tired, but got to work.  Had calls till 8:40 at which time I picked this up.  The pool looks better, but seems to be generating inexplicably large amounts of algae, this may have to do with the misapplication of phosphate removal chemicals, although I don't really see why this far down the line.  It looks a lot better, so there is that and it will soon be time to drain it.

I ate a salad and a frozen pizza for lunch (the whole thing) and was ill as a result, even though it was a fairly small pizza; could have been the arugula which was a little slimy (turning green); so I swam 1600 yards, surprised myself doing all the im, but I still feel queasy, just a banana for dinner so far.

I walked the dog, but only 1.5 miles, the shortest walk in some time, but I am pretty ill.  

It is the new year, perhaps my diet should have changed to match that and i would be better.

What could I say?  I spend too much time attempting to come up with a way to speak to you.  How can I explain this?  I do not understand you or even my own feelings.

This is a picture from tonight, the beauty of the sunset during my too short walk.  A natural poem and beauty which I cannot share and which is lost forever to me.

92522

 Now it is time to look more closely at october.

Those deadlines are upon me.  Half finished documents, help that is intangible, maybe invisible.

if impossible, why all these other ineffectual patents, this is a question of doing anything by targeting what was invisible before.

I work fast and then i wait.

The storm named ion continutes on its path.  a very few of the links point to no now and wednesday at 8am it appears at least possible that someone close to me or myself will be gathering candles and matches.  I have to go back to the hardware store, a generator and gas would make some sense, although replacing the whole house generator would make more sense, time doesnt allow for that, nor do the odds this season require it although those could easily change.

Did construction and heavy yard work, hauling and working with a chainsaw. Got some intensity minutes even. Took care several big projects.   Pushed myself pretty hard, planned on swimming but took a shower and may take the rest of the day off and do back exercises just in case. 

Picture of the day (from 12 months ago); the "flooded" bridge.

Wednesday should be interesting to wait for.

This is the "goofy" track apparently, but it is one that is professionally posted, so who really knows.

My cough was much better today, probably a significant improvement although the day isn't over yet.

It was a long and difficult day, I am quite tired and I'm going to vacuum the pool.

It's going to be a quiet night.  The pool is vacuumed, although it is a little too cloudy to tell how well it will look, i made a stab at balancing the ph, will take a while to be sure, the chlorine is about right and I added fresh tablets, the others being largely exhausted, like me.  It does look a lot better for the moment, but how clear it will be in the morning remains to be determined and I am just putting off the inevitable until it cools off.  I wonder about the coming storm, if I knew we'd get a lot of rain, I'd probably drain the pool and deal with the sides; but it is a busy enough week without that and I have miles to go.

92422

 There is so much to share.

After all the exercise yesterday i felt largely cleansed unlike the pool which was clear, but with quite a bit of algae on the walls and bottom that would turn it to murk if stirred up, something i do not plan to do just yet, as i look to the possibility of rain next week, however unlikely today, and draining the pool before thanksgiving to try out whatever comes next in the various methods, all of which include patching the bad spots, perhaps patching compound will be necessary over wide areas and i need to have the materials to do that as well as special pumps but as i have learned, getting the right materials and equipment for a job which would be very expensive to have someone else do and will give  me quite the project while i wait for the coming surgery.

Had day old awful coffee this morning, still drank most it.  Not sure why.

Overslept for the first time in forever, not sure where that comes from.  soon i will go to the gym because it closes early for football today.

i don't believe these lost days will be recaptured, that someday in the future i will be free to do what i want and will somehow be able to find happiness in the lost time which i cling to here.

30 min on elliptical plus 15 min of weights, because think of reasons why you can instead of why you can't motivational poster in water closet and separated wood for fence repairs. 

The 9 Greek Muse

I cannot out exercise my problems, the difficulty reading this as I type it, the exhaustion which exercise does help, but not enough, the cough which seems to be gone and then comes back, the absence and separation.  I fell asleep outside in the heat after the exercise today, that after sleeping over 9 hours last night, but I saw an article that said covid hates getting enough sleep so I can call this an experiment.

12 months ago there was a fair amount of terror in even the shortest walks, the very non-threatening walk to the mines was scary alone in the wilderness.  I walked down to this strange thing off the road,

 12 months to the day.  It was just a short distance from the house as this shows.

  You should have seen it from the road and how funny it was when I went that short distance.

I was going for long walks, just staying by the road.  This was one of the first "risky" (not really) variations because the gleam of this in the distance intrigued me.  I am looking for you in the distance, but I don't see anything, not even where to step next.

Moving west, hmmmm

9.23.22

 Spring has arrived.

Ii rode the bike today, the tires were low on air but couldnt bring myself to face the time loss or pump noise so the ride was careful and slow; but i did 7 miles and was given a 20 hour rest by my watch at the end; my arms felt tired after two days of swimming.  I suppose i will walk the dog later, it sounds exhausting.

Well I walked the dog and it was hot and exhausting although there was a delightful breeze when it came.  I kept it below 2 miles (1.8) which is the shortest walk in some time, but the bike ride, heat, hernia, etc. and the dog has been and continued today to seriously drag.

Worked hard this morning for some time; but it seems like there is more to deal with than there was before and this new doe grant is going to be complex.  Work is growing exponentially, but so is opportunity.

I did see something cute, the pilot for bewitched.  Imagine after all these years to see the pilot.  It is one of those things which was a pleasant diversion from everything that is otherwise crushing my life.  Like i am telling you something you havent experienced, although honestly i never thought the stakes would get this high and i still cannot believe i have to do this alone.

A year ago today:

You don't necessarily want to see my laundry.

Another sunrise we never saw together

A hungry humming bird (best zoom in for that one)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKVBxuFbEyg

92222

 A momentus day, 9, 8.   a countdown perhaps to oblivion or something worse.

Today i get to put my money where my mouth is after a fashion.

I also get to test some of the tell me a story stuff.

How much i wish we could take this trip together, where success would have meeting and failure would include the solice found in your arms; but it is one that i have to do alone.

Platforms and what they have for answers, intermediary steps and giant steps to save the world, they both start with the conversations today.

A fiery sunrise 

It is late in the day, i had to rush in a one mile swim with dinner so my insides are a mess.  The meeting went as well as could be expected, and things will move forward at least for a while.  It left me working till 5 and being on the phone after that even through eating i was busy so it transitioned without any relaxation to the swim and leading to the way i feel today.  But I did get some drafts done and the future appears clear before me, but still stark, i have not been able to eliminate that nor would it be possible without you.

92122

 10/11 is a new deadline, 10/8 is the next one.  There is a lot to unpack there, the 10/8 being fairly easy and partially done and maybe with help.  On 8/2 these were consolidated in one place which may make things a little easier to deal with.  That was only a month an a half ago, but given the 20 days that remain, a lot has to be done, i will not wait a week for the potential help, although i have to continue the project which is well underway of rewriting and responding.

The 10/11 will take some time; but it is rewriting and not writing and there are levels of support which remain uncertain but could be significant.

Maybe it wont matter, the talk of nuclear war has probably never been more terrifying or more illogical.

The image above is from 9/23/22; for some reason an earlier image from 9.21.22 did not take.

I am getting close to a tipping point; although it has not gone too far yet and there are chances for things to improve in the near term.

It is no wonder i woke to another nightmare and was up at 5.

This nightmare had to do with buying another house while still owning the one i have and ending up with two notes.

Right now i am a little overwhelmed by things, but this appears temporary and there are too many options to ignore.

I am a frigging genius.  I started a windows 11 update an hour ago and if it doesnt finish in the next 5 minutes, i get to attend an important seminar on an ancient computer or this this pad.

Got to work on the stuff due in 2 weeks, made progress, but not sure that other things are not going to shit.  Oh great, updates are underway.  This was a timing error.  At least i have my backup system which appears fully operational

I have an operational system i think.

The no iv starts with jazz music, it is a very no thing and i wish i could share those few minutes which is a nice thing to go with alll the scary stuff, about no and the end of the world gnerally; and just when things  are happening although i cannot say going well.  Tottally busy, stress and in need of support.

Enough of that for now, tomorrow is another day.