the strange life of m4

Before I get to the last piece of the harmonic puzzle, the piece that pulls  all the other harmonics together, that explains the amount of harmony, wave period, sufficient to include all quantum times in our universe at once and give 2^n where n=all quantum points in the universe, a veritable secret of math and the universe, I want to pause for a moment, not yet publish this momentous post,  to express my frustration that I cannot as a poet or a person tell you how strong my emotions are, how much I love.  I fear that the love is more important than "The Missing Harmonic" that you are all waiting patiently to read.
I sometimes wonder whether I miss more the lover or the fact of being in love, but I know it is the lover I miss.  For I do not focus on the feelings, instead I see only the person, only the memories, the way we interacted.  The physical presence is not, perhaps, more important than the emotional bond which has been rendered by time and separation and silence.
 I wanted to start this by stating that I was living in moral ambiguity; but that would presume that there was ambiguity, uncertainty.  There is no uncertainty.
I am living in moral denial if not moral inconsistency.
Why can't I do what I want to do?
Responsibility is a very strange thing.  I am too tired to make this list of things that have me where I am, the different types of desires, for that matter the different types of love.
I want the reassurance that you should not give for all the reasons that one must act from the very oneness.  And yet, without the right support, what building can stand on such shifting sands as are life.  I want to leap but find myself in moral quicksand, there is no place for purchase, for we have removed it.
And so I wait, hoping that I will find the bottom so that I can jump before I sink over my head.
Yet the absence breeds the creativity.  The energy of being apart is so strong that it must be otherwise expressed.  As poems of love and words of discovery.
Oh lover, where are you when I need you, where were you when I needed you, where will you be when I need.  I am dying without you.
We might as well go on, to the Missing Harmonic.