Meditations in times of anxiety

You have been there for a long time, 40 years.
I can remember the first time my eyes settled on you.
The earth, and therefore the universe, stopped for a moment
There is no way to tell how long, but there is no time without movement

Fifteen years ago, everything ended in flood
And you were there again, a phantom from the past
The whole world had turned to chaos around us
All dark, all destroyed, all beautiful because you were there

I almost died from anxiety 7 years ago
You were there when the old world died
But a new world, one with you it was born
And I looked on the destruction and on you and it was good

You left me over and over again
There were times when there was nothing
Not even the hope that you were somewhere
There was no place to turn so I did this

In times of great loss there are two paths
One leads nowhere, the other is enlightenment
A chance to cast away everything and see in what's left
if there isn't something more important to find

And so I took the only path open to me,
because i was afraid to find nowhere
And in the end everything came together again
as it always seems to do, despite the terror

I looked around again and you were gone
And then you came back after I found the light
The anxiety was still there, the fear just under the surface
But there was a light all around me because you were there

The time between the event and the now is where anxiety lives
And we all live between the event and the now
except when we are in the past
but we cannot long stay in the past, the now is jealous

How long can I wait for the event
As it gets closer the anxiety about it grows
How long can I live without you
Every moment seems to stretch on forever