11 days post Election of the apocalypse day 343 (writing)

I swam 1900 yards.  Why not 2,000?  I was surprised I managed to get in 1900.  I physically, easily could have gone another 500 yards, but mentally I was well beyond what I had hoped to do

I need to stop watching television which would require some major life changes.  It is 2:am and I gave up on any attempt at sleep.  Fortunately, after the swim, I fell asleep early so I think I have had enough sleep to get me through a long day even if I don't go back to bed, but it is dark and lonely and the night is full of terrors, as was said in GOT.

There is so much I could worry about. but it is my own future that weighs most heavily.  Perhaps if there was no pandemic, no rising fascism, no pending economic collapse, a smaller national debt, no world wide rivalry, no outsourcing of manufacturing then I could ignore my own concerns.  But my own life is just as poised on a precipice and I feel like a microcosm of the world.  My vision has reached the point which I knew it would get to eventually, where it interferes with working, although with large screens and enhanced fonts i have not been stopped, it is one more challenge that slows me down, that makes the next 100 yards more than I can tackle.

In June of 2019 a year and a half ago, I dedicated myself to moving my model of the pre-thermodynamic universe from a hobby to a model with utility.  By January, six months later, I had exceeded my own expectations, but had gotten no further in terms of receiving funding.  I now have verification of the model which has gotten significant attention; but I am the victim of  the same cognitive dissonance and institutional prejudice that I faced before I was able to verify the science and if my efforts are not rewarded in the next 34 days, I am not sure if I can continue, I'm not sure if I can go even that extra 100 yards; much less the many months that stretch out between now and the next round of potential funding.  

I am an iconoclast and as I watch the slow parallel march of false science; I feel increasingly isolated even as the opportunities and potential for the project grow.

I have not written a novel or even done significant editing for months, perhaps a year as I pursued with as much diligence as is imaginable, with complete focus this scientific endeavor.  I put a great deal of technical work into physics, surprising myself at times, possibly fooling myself at others; but bridging with mathematics chemistry and physics.  For all that, I know that the odds are against me for now, that I have to brace myself and prepare for the next marathon even before the current one is finished.  

I went alone into the woods yesterday, far enough that I was able to get lost and a little worried about leaving most of my water behind me, but my navigating skills and an adequate if not exceptional map kept me pretty sure that I knew approximately where I was and it was spiritual at a time when I needed spiritual and gave me something more immediate to fear.

The plan was to work through this list but it has been literally weeks since I first stumbled upon it and that hasn't happened.  It goes back to the need to go somewhere without television.

Unfortunately, for the time being I have tied my future to grant writing and that means staying where I have the resources to pump out 4 or 5 in the waning months of this year, including securing the intellectual property that goes along with them.

Even as the funding appears to be moving further out of reach, I am hoping to expand the non-monetary assistance in the near future, but we'll see.  I have locational issues to work through there and the fantasies that went along with those issues seem to have been trapped and withered in the pandemic along with everything else.

I've picked a road to travel and I will continue down it, for better, for worse, a little longer, another 100 yards and perhaps another 100 yards beyond that.

 Forbes: How To Build A Successful Writing Career Through Self-Publishing. https://www.forbes.com/sites/meimeifox/2019/05/14/how-to-build-a-successful-writing-career-through-self-publishing/

1. Find an editor who loves your voice. Query several. Interview them.
2. Edit mercilessly for pacing and flow.
3. Pay for a fantastic cover that makes your intended audience pause and take a second look. The cover is about the content of the book and should reflect both the content and you (the author) equally.
4. Go where the readers are (e.g. Goodreads, a social media website for readers).
5. Tell your readers where to find you and be there consistently (Facebook, Twitter, email, website, newsletter).
6. Build your audience. Slowly. Carefully. Methodically. Never let them go. Don’t look over their heads for new readers. These first passionate readers will use word-of-mouth to promote you and your work—forever—if you treat them with respect.
7. Don't sacrifice quality for short term gains.
8. Finally, being an author is not luck. Yes, there is an element of luck in successfully making a living as an author. But being an author is not luck. You write or you don't. You finish or you don't. You have 100% control over whether or not you're an author. Only you.