2.28.23

 It is the end of something, February.

Last night you came to me in my dreams, 

so real I could feel you.

But you only shared bad news with me

I want to be happy for you in it

In your dream of happiness

Health and satisfaction

I woke feeling none of it

Frustrated with the progress

and the lack of it

but only you mattered

in the darkness

The details burned into my brain

I knew if I did not go back to sleep, 

I would never sleep again

But how could I go to sleep

I still love you

More than anything else

You are burned into my world

with an unworldly branding iron

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnlhVDDKdF8

Valentines day, 2.14.23

This was not a very gracious post originally. I saved it to remind myself to be better. 

What is and is not my business or my future?

Right now I have food poisoning so I feel like I'll be dead soon,  but may be fine in the morning. Two bike rides was plenty of exercise before I ate that terrible Korean Mexican fusion which probably had an inherent warning of food poisoning  like eating something moldy out of a can and it didn't taste right. So if I'm dead in the morning at least this post may be better. 

I could talk about my hopes that the strength of our friendship would allow us to rise beyond this but I cannot think past the the feeling of contentment felt when the world was limited to just us,  it's not the way friends think or help each other. 

If i don't die tonight I'm supposed to swim again, the 2k yesterday was hard but paid for itself and as little as I got done today I did an unhindered amount yesterday and I realized my time table is measured in months and not days as I feared but now I am feeling the claws of death and I only want you to be happy and fulfilled and for my illness to end one way or another. 

superbowl sunday

 So it's an even game, reasons to be on either side are the same according to the bookies.

What do you say to a wager

The loser buys dinner?

How easy life could be under other circumstances

You might appreciate this.

I was walking by this tree 

it looks like it's raised it middle finger to me

I'll take KC, I think their quarterback is from OK, although I could go either way.

And I think there are parades today, I wonder how that works.

Happy Mardi Gras

I made something of a breakthough in the waning days of January

 and I wanted to share it.

The world is shaking apart, on fire

and I wanted to share it

I wanted to go swimming to clear out my brain, 

but the pool was closed for the senior bowl. 

 Despite having a head cold, 

I managed to ride my bike downtown 

and there was the Mardi gras, sparsely attended, but waiting for me

mocking me, reminding me of you

and i wanted to share it.

Why isn't it good to say that I love you more every day?  

as it should be

That all I want to do is wake up beside you every morning?

The coffee is never as good as it could be

Though same days it is very good

but I'd Swear off coffee forever 

for one night with u

I imagine i am saving the world

While it consumes itself

and after all 

it is not worth saving

without you

https://youtube.com/watch?v=m5Yn1K7_zCU&si=EnSIkaIECMiOmarE