iot-internet of things or internet of terror and day day 348 of the apocalypse

Number 7, is you not being in it.  Or maybe it is number 1.  That goes without saying, but it doesn't hurt me to say it any more than it hurts me to stay silent.

What a crazy world.

1) Pandemic

2) Overthrowing democracy

3) Economic Collapse

4) Environmental disaster

5) And now this was a very old post that never made it to prime time:

We still remember when 1984 was a science fiction horror story. Now Apple, Amazon and others are competing to have a better listening device in your house recording your every move, while google and other internet search engines know what you're looking for and show you advertisements for it, almost before you know you're looking for it. While we were being terrified of big brother, the internet was becoming big brother. That is a lot to worry about, as clinton found out right before she smashed her old cell phone, but when AI gets advanced enough which it will do in our lifetimes, an equally sinister, non-human aspect of the IOT (Internet of Terror) will be possible.

I didn't sleep last night and worse still had the entire inner ear thing, which had lasted the entire day.  I feel a little better.  I passed my first covid test today, also found out what it felt like to have my brain sampled with a q-tip stuck up my nose.  I did not like the test, the results which have a 75% chance of being accurate I like.

I am now deep into my next project.  I have a long list of things to deal with and a good base document to start from which I am attempting to turn into something at least foundationally generic.  I have too much to do in the time that i have, but it is my way to take it one step at a time.  That is how it is with this thing and how it must be with all other things.

I swam 2000 yards yesterday, the full set plus 25 yards for the IM.  It has not helped anything, but it was a good thing that I needed.  My heart was not in it, but it came back to me at the end.

The world abides as much as not.

15 days post election, day 347 of the apocalypse

How I wish I could share with you the most recent advances in molecular design.

But I cannot.

The advances are coming too fast for me to keep up as I look towards applications.

I am exhausted and alone in this endeavor, although aid is out there if I can get assistance.

NASA has come out with their solicitation and even a preliminary glance shows several places where this work is applicable.

Sleep, I had one good night's sleep.  I made everything dark, even hid my clock and woke early, but not too early.  I then suffered from the dizziness of the inner ear thing which made for a great deal of nausea today despite some important calls, none of which will immediately yield any results, but which increase the future resources should things come together.

I suppose things are supposed to be better now.  The truth is that I am still too numb of things to feel the pain that is lurking in there.  I am terrified that all the things that can go wrong will and my anxiety will grow worse.  Already I have opportunities which I expect to come through which I can hardly take advantage of because of the cost.

I have several patents to file, fortunately none of them at a high cost, but the next deadline of the 24th is untenable at present which means I would have till January 3 of next year.  Baring the unexpected, I plan to wait for that deadline.

These are all money and time issues, but they have numbed much of my emotions, fear is a great antidote to love.  I should not be afraid, of course, things are not at all dire except for the high end of things.  I have options that I have not explored, but I have also dedicated the next 12 months to this project which is certain of science; uncertain of funding.  I have other irons in the fire, but I do not know where they stand or how hot they will end up being.  I am waiting to see if the corruption makes room for answers, or truth.

I know there is pain lurking around me.  My stomach hurts.  Not so bad at this moment.  I swam 2000 yards, did all the butterfly in a workout of that length and I feel a drowsiness coming over me, wanting to lower the level of the stress.  I was too tired, too afraid of getting sick (that fear word again) to swim; but I knew the alternative would be worse.  At least I will eventually sleep for a few hours tonight and a few hours is enough and leaves me sick, but numb.

Come back to me, this cannot be better; but maybe it is better.  For now, maybe forever.  I was not meant to be happy or content.

This is a pretty old unfinished post which contains the following article.  It is bull-s-t.  I know because they are talking about standard model particles that do not exist under my model and therefore are nonsense.  I wonder what I was saving this article for, to show things are dumb?  To express my anger and frustration?

A major physics experiment just detected a particle that shouldn't exist. https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/major-physics-experiment-just-detected-particle-shouldn-t-exist-ncna879616 Shared via Google News

I will pick out a paragraph and show you the crap i have to deal with:

The Standard Model of physics has dominated scientists' understanding of the universe for more than half a century. It amounts to a list of particles that, together, go a long way toward explaining how matter and energy interact in the cosmos. 

(This is total crap.  Yes the SM dominates the weak of mind, what do they call it?  Cognitive dissonance.  It is the belief in bull even when someone show the truth).

Some of these particles, like quarks and electrons, are pretty easy to imagine: They're the building blocks of the atoms that make up everything we'll ever touch with our hands. 

(Beware of Quantum Duck, quark quark.  while others have envisioned electrons as cloudlike in effect, only aut defines them as actual clouds, fractal equivalents in every way of the arms of the galaxy.  And they are made of the smaller things, right down to space.)

Others, like the three known neutrinos, are more abstract: They're high-energy particles that stream through the universe, barely interacting with other matter. Billions of neutrinos from the sun pass through the tip of your finger every second, but they're overwhelmingly unlikely to have any impact on the particles of your body.

(Bull in a way, not in another.  Neutrinos as such are a figment, but anti-gravity, the three states of space and the lesser states of ct3-ct4 transitions are similar in concept to this, although again there is no reason to speak of them in this way.)

The truth is out there, as they say in the X-files:

13 days post election of the apocalypse date 345

I am ready for another sleepless night.  I wrote that before waking up at 3.  Im thankful for the extra hour of sleep.  

After yoga this afternoon, a very easy workout which alleged it was going to be intermediate, but fortunately was not, I felt a lot better.  I would love to share the details, but you would not love to hear them.

I have dark circles around my eyes, but I cannot sleep yet, I have to try to sleep more along a normal time frame.

Seamlessly.  That's how I moved from sleep to awaken how i moved from physics to chemistry how i moved from hope for us to despair. If it was not so could i sleep again?

I comfort myself with comparisons to when disaster seemed imminent, when the pieces of the puzzle seemed like they would not go together,  everything came seamlessly together but there has been no profit to it.  I'm too old for this.

I have no choice but to move forward and those who work with me are all young enough to take up the slack if I can just tie this off to something.  A ship taking a chance over a sandbar, it is safety or death.  I have been here before, I have seen others ride out the storm.

 I wrapped up much of my work to make room for the physics and rid myself of the burdens, although this means that I have replaced distractions with economic uncertainty, one looms large on the horizon,  

I have a plan for that, but I have to wait for it and in the interim I need alternatives and that means the science cultivated over so many years has to bear fruit.

The dead economy makes it unlikely that I'd find a better path forward, although opportunities are constantly at my door.   If i can only chose wisely, if I can only make the  right arguments at t he right time.

Today is another big day.

I spent today writing draft letters for grant inquiries which are due in December.

Tomorrow, wait, that is today, I have a discussion about this, but uncertain as to the future of it.  I have to go somewhere where there is more support, I am in a backwater with little to say for it in terms of supporting my science although I am thankful for what I received.

I  am also expecting a call on the grand solution this week, a little surprised it did not happen today, well yesterday, but the delays tied to the election continue to dog me anyway.  The potential for help on the horizon is less immediate in terms of what I can do then the alternative..  With results as they stand now, I expect that eventually I will have my answers and January will be soon enough, although not soon enough for me.  And results today may not be the results of tomorrow.

I picked up writing again, but the book I am editing is being torn to pieces, simplified and compressed into vignettes.  I am tired, I dont know that this will make any sense.

This is one of the more than 300 unposted posts.

It contained this: A good examle of the pre-aut error on space-time and gravity

in reality, there is no external force.  Now I can say that forces reflect the underlying compresion all the way back to gravity.  It continues, and furthermore, Newtonian gravity, in the case of weak fields and nonrelativistic speeds, is due almost entirely to how time is distorted. Not space.  This is exactly the opposite of what is true.  At least that is  how it appears to me, because in the end, time is a dimensional effect.  But then perhaps I meant something else. Interesting.

Like death, I have most of the answers, but perhaps i am not asking the right questions.

I dont feel particularly healthy, maybe it is the hard swim i did a couple of days ago and he delay in getting ear drops, perhaps it is the plague, the flu or just the effects of exhaustion.  I wonder how many hours sleep I will get tonight or if i will sleep at all.

11 days post Election of the apocalypse day 343 (writing)

I swam 1900 yards.  Why not 2,000?  I was surprised I managed to get in 1900.  I physically, easily could have gone another 500 yards, but mentally I was well beyond what I had hoped to do

I need to stop watching television which would require some major life changes.  It is 2:am and I gave up on any attempt at sleep.  Fortunately, after the swim, I fell asleep early so I think I have had enough sleep to get me through a long day even if I don't go back to bed, but it is dark and lonely and the night is full of terrors, as was said in GOT.

There is so much I could worry about. but it is my own future that weighs most heavily.  Perhaps if there was no pandemic, no rising fascism, no pending economic collapse, a smaller national debt, no world wide rivalry, no outsourcing of manufacturing then I could ignore my own concerns.  But my own life is just as poised on a precipice and I feel like a microcosm of the world.  My vision has reached the point which I knew it would get to eventually, where it interferes with working, although with large screens and enhanced fonts i have not been stopped, it is one more challenge that slows me down, that makes the next 100 yards more than I can tackle.

In June of 2019 a year and a half ago, I dedicated myself to moving my model of the pre-thermodynamic universe from a hobby to a model with utility.  By January, six months later, I had exceeded my own expectations, but had gotten no further in terms of receiving funding.  I now have verification of the model which has gotten significant attention; but I am the victim of  the same cognitive dissonance and institutional prejudice that I faced before I was able to verify the science and if my efforts are not rewarded in the next 34 days, I am not sure if I can continue, I'm not sure if I can go even that extra 100 yards; much less the many months that stretch out between now and the next round of potential funding.  

I am an iconoclast and as I watch the slow parallel march of false science; I feel increasingly isolated even as the opportunities and potential for the project grow.

I have not written a novel or even done significant editing for months, perhaps a year as I pursued with as much diligence as is imaginable, with complete focus this scientific endeavor.  I put a great deal of technical work into physics, surprising myself at times, possibly fooling myself at others; but bridging with mathematics chemistry and physics.  For all that, I know that the odds are against me for now, that I have to brace myself and prepare for the next marathon even before the current one is finished.  

I went alone into the woods yesterday, far enough that I was able to get lost and a little worried about leaving most of my water behind me, but my navigating skills and an adequate if not exceptional map kept me pretty sure that I knew approximately where I was and it was spiritual at a time when I needed spiritual and gave me something more immediate to fear.

The plan was to work through this list but it has been literally weeks since I first stumbled upon it and that hasn't happened.  It goes back to the need to go somewhere without television.

Unfortunately, for the time being I have tied my future to grant writing and that means staying where I have the resources to pump out 4 or 5 in the waning months of this year, including securing the intellectual property that goes along with them.

Even as the funding appears to be moving further out of reach, I am hoping to expand the non-monetary assistance in the near future, but we'll see.  I have locational issues to work through there and the fantasies that went along with those issues seem to have been trapped and withered in the pandemic along with everything else.

I've picked a road to travel and I will continue down it, for better, for worse, a little longer, another 100 yards and perhaps another 100 yards beyond that.

 Forbes: How To Build A Successful Writing Career Through Self-Publishing. https://www.forbes.com/sites/meimeifox/2019/05/14/how-to-build-a-successful-writing-career-through-self-publishing/

1. Find an editor who loves your voice. Query several. Interview them.
2. Edit mercilessly for pacing and flow.
3. Pay for a fantastic cover that makes your intended audience pause and take a second look. The cover is about the content of the book and should reflect both the content and you (the author) equally.
4. Go where the readers are (e.g. Goodreads, a social media website for readers).
5. Tell your readers where to find you and be there consistently (Facebook, Twitter, email, website, newsletter).
6. Build your audience. Slowly. Carefully. Methodically. Never let them go. Don’t look over their heads for new readers. These first passionate readers will use word-of-mouth to promote you and your work—forever—if you treat them with respect.
7. Don't sacrifice quality for short term gains.
8. Finally, being an author is not luck. Yes, there is an element of luck in successfully making a living as an author. But being an author is not luck. You write or you don't. You finish or you don't. You have 100% control over whether or not you're an author. Only you.

Election day of the apocalypse 332

 Well today could be terrible or it could change dramatically, and then there is the election.

Today is the first day in a while when I did nothing but walk the dog.  It's not too late to do a short yoga workout, but I just ate and I'm not sure what I have in me.  And the truth is that I just can't care about anything else.

That is what i wrote a few hours ago.  At 330 i gave up on sleep.  It isn't the elections although it could be.   I think the  country can survive either of the old men running.   If anything i question a country that believes this is the best it can do. 

I am jealous of those who can find nothing worse to keep them awake. 

Day 331 of the apocalypse, the day before the election

 What a long day.

I am exhausted, maybe sick.

I ate a terrible lunch because I only had 15 minutes and made a bad judgement call.

It is the most momentous election of our lives and we are apart.

It is both inappropriate and consistent and a sign of everything wrong with everything else.

I should be get psychiatric help, but instead I just talk to my blog.

I've switched from swimming to yoga because the pool and the outside temperature are not cooperating.  That isn't helping things, muscles which haven't been used in a long time hurt and 30 minutes is not long enough and 45 minutes seems like forever.

I'm supposed to acknowledge my failures and apologize sincerely, but I am not ready to move on.

I am a living ghost.  I think we are all ghosts, pretending to be alive until one day we are not.

I think I need to apologize to someone else, and move on to another life after death.

A writer needs a voice.  This is my voice.  I hide it except for you.

It's no wonder that I don't write well, its because the only time when i can use my voice is when I am writing to you.

Everything ends, but not everything has to end.

At some point in time I lost everything and at one point in time I had everything.

The nights are growing longer, colder.

It mocks the growing darkness inside of me.

day 330 of the apocalypse and the writing part (a) of 8

I was at work long before the sun came up.

I could go to sleep, the writing is going from quasi lucid to not lucid.

I did get the minimum work done, a day ahead of schedule although I am not sure whether I'll get to the next project before November.  I cannot believe this country.

No more politics.

I'm watching the storm coming, a metaphorical storm, I think the real one was 4 days ago.

My favorite place to eat lunch has all specials I like next week.  How very odd.  Its a big week, heavy on Monday and Friday, light in the middle.

How can I explain what is happening right now?

I figured out the tie in between electromagnetism and fusion, and it shows why fusion is so complex, it is different than perhaps I thought it would be, although not so much so that it is a shock.

The what is a shock, another feed from the universe which oddly seems to continue to think I need its help.

I love deeply and commit deeply, two things which have torn my mind in half.  And torn my heart, like a flag in a hurricane.

I regret what I have done to others, I dislike what I've done to myself.

Next week is a opportunity to begin a sea change, but there remain two course corrections that have yet to bear results for better or worse.  As I sail into the next hurricane, the sales unfurled, the batons undone, the reefing clews askew, the jib secured, at least the flying jib in storage for the moment.

Who can wait to live?  Not me and not you, right?

Here is the prequel to some future posts, maybe who knows what will happen tomorrow or even if there will be a tomorrow.

Forbes: How To Build A Successful Writing Career Through Self-Publishing. https://www.forbes.com/sites/meimeifox/2019/05/14/how-to-build-a-successful-writing-career-through-self-publishing/

1. Find an editor who loves your voice. Query several. Interview them.
2. Edit mercilessly for pacing and flow.
3. Pay for a fantastic cover that makes your intended audience pause and take a second look. The cover is about the content of the book and should reflect both the content and you (the author) equally.
4. Go where the readers are (e.g. Goodreads, a social media website for readers).
5. Tell your readers where to find you and be there consistently (Facebook, Twitter, email, website, newsletter).
6. Build your audience. Slowly. Carefully. Methodically. Never let them go. Don’t look over their heads for new readers. These first passionate readers will use word-of-mouth to promote you and your work—forever—if you treat them with respect.
7. Don't sacrifice quality for short term gains.
8. Finally, being an author is not luck. Yes, there is an element of luck in successfully making a living as an author. But being an author is not luck. You write or you don't. You finish or you don't. You have 100% control over whether or not you're an author. Only you.