92122

 10/11 is a new deadline, 10/8 is the next one.  There is a lot to unpack there, the 10/8 being fairly easy and partially done and maybe with help.  On 8/2 these were consolidated in one place which may make things a little easier to deal with.  That was only a month an a half ago, but given the 20 days that remain, a lot has to be done, i will not wait a week for the potential help, although i have to continue the project which is well underway of rewriting and responding.

The 10/11 will take some time; but it is rewriting and not writing and there are levels of support which remain uncertain but could be significant.

Maybe it wont matter, the talk of nuclear war has probably never been more terrifying or more illogical.

The image above is from 9/23/22; for some reason an earlier image from 9.21.22 did not take.

I am getting close to a tipping point; although it has not gone too far yet and there are chances for things to improve in the near term.

It is no wonder i woke to another nightmare and was up at 5.

This nightmare had to do with buying another house while still owning the one i have and ending up with two notes.

Right now i am a little overwhelmed by things, but this appears temporary and there are too many options to ignore.

I am a frigging genius.  I started a windows 11 update an hour ago and if it doesnt finish in the next 5 minutes, i get to attend an important seminar on an ancient computer or this this pad.

Got to work on the stuff due in 2 weeks, made progress, but not sure that other things are not going to shit.  Oh great, updates are underway.  This was a timing error.  At least i have my backup system which appears fully operational

I have an operational system i think.

The no iv starts with jazz music, it is a very no thing and i wish i could share those few minutes which is a nice thing to go with alll the scary stuff, about no and the end of the world gnerally; and just when things  are happening although i cannot say going well.  Tottally busy, stress and in need of support.

Enough of that for now, tomorrow is another day.

9.20.22

What a night of nightmares.

Only walked yesterday, pool looked terrible and my hernia decided to act up.  I am in a position to take care of it now; just checking references.  Then 2 weeks without exercise, i suspect the tension will kill me in the surgery doesn't.

This is the second or third sunrise alone, how haunting it looks today.

Later in the day, the dog's mood matched my own as we sat and contemplated a future that we both believed was within our grasp, but which turned into an illusion.

Last nightmare was tied to the presentation Thursday, subconscious was not overly active.  I was in a college classroom and the teacher didn't show up and realized i had to give a lecture on my science and i was trying to sketch some notes on the blackboard when a substitute teacher showed up and that part ended and the real nightmare began; after going to eat and something happening; maybe the class of 100 people showed up we left to find another restaurant and i was left to pay for drinks and paid too much because i couldn't get a ticket; not really a nightmare, but then me and one daughter were dropped off by my brother for some reason at another place in a foreign country overlooking a beach, a crowded place with people from all over the world; and they disappeared and the phone wasn't working right and i was more worried about the daughter than me; but i was getting more and more aggravated till i woke up.

There were other nightmares too, but that is the one i ended the night with, the others not even whisps of memories as i take my first sips of coffee at 5am.  I'm busy today, but i'd best spend some time going over my presentation even though I live that stuff.  It is surprisingly complex and i am not certain that all of the newest work on time dilation is fully in my head although i did do a video on it.

The whole energy as pretime change thing within a range is also a part of the time thing, change over time being, after all, a measure of energy.  That is an area where I wish I could spend time, but that is why the absence of responses on grants is so frustrating.  Weirdly, the most rejectable application was found responsive.  My mind screams.

I missed that yesterday was international talk like a pirate day.  The missed opportunities in my life stack up so high they threaten to fall over and crush me.

What i wouldn't give to talk with you about the weather.

91922

 Starting today at a doctor s office, at least after clearing weekend worth of email and beginning to follow up on information from the weekend which is intriguing, doubling opportunities in one area.

from a year ago today, a bit of lonely serenity when there was enough time perhaps.  is there enough time left, would my attitude, would my life have been better had I returned?

on the tv is all the burial nonsense of the queen, a country clinging to something which is is outdated.  I have to get a second opinion allegedly to this simple surgery which id like to get over, although with the inverted yoga i have it "under control."  Note the quotes as i am uncertain as to what under control means in this case, it continues to exist.  The doctor recommends it, he apparently does these in an assembly line.  That is probably best.

Today i really need to focus on patent responses, but there are dozens of things demanding my attention including the latest round of grants which are all targeting the same issue which allows a 3 for 1 although they have little chance of being allowed  because of ignorance; although that gets to the response and book writing so it is a 5 for 1 in that sense.

My throat continues to bother me, but it is certainly better today.  I may swim, but there are workmen at the house.  I'm spending time today watching videos that don't apply well and are repetitive, should have done this over the weekend.

I think I am wasting my time for so many reasons.  Its a busy week.  The question remains am i wasting my time.

I think perhaps the better question is this:  how do i find serenity in my life?  Or do i try to save the world or just look for serenity?

It is all so confusing and I have 7 interviews to do by sunday which isn't going to happen, i'll be lucky to have two that are not really related.

Thursday may help things out, but what a very long way i have to go.  you know what i want to ask, i suppose.

91822

 Not much happened today. Near crazy conflicts.

Despite this, i feel like i am likely on the mend, it is hard to tell.

Next week will be busy and important, but few signs that it will be significant.

It is one of those days that begs that no post be made; but maybe not.

Tomorrow will be the beginning of a new world just as tonight is the end of the old one.

Fox News: New Orleans becomes murder capital of America, overtaking St. Louis.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/new-orleans-becomes-murder-capital-america-overtaking-st-louis

Where am i supposed to start life or continue it.

9.17.22

 Early morning.

There is a lot to do today, but it is overshadowed by the sore throat which could be getting better or worse. I had dreams tied to events, methods and flirting.   I even got a kiss in my sleep which makes me wonder if the dream girl will get a sore throat too.  There was a play going in in one of the dream scenes. It was a complex dream that is quickly fading to fairy dust as they usually do. 

None of that made sense and it makes less sense today.  The coffee is not terrible, that is the best i can say for it.

Pumpkin spice mushrooms, don't eat!

Shoes are falling apart.

Despite the sore throat walked almost 5 miles today. Probably dehydrated and certainly tired and my shoes are falling apart in case you're looking for something to buy me. 

My phone isn't connecting to my watch usually requiring a restart and then I'll know more but I did get my steps and did 100 pushups although I didn't go down all the way on most of them going for the number in sets of 20.

The exercise and heat and sore throat are catching up with me. Not doing well. 

 

9. 16 .22

An old picture 

An old fractal view, before I knew enough to realize it. 

 Past the halfway point of the month. Throat hurts, probably from swimming in green pool. 

Tired of being sick and yesterday culminated in one of those scenes where only threats of horror kept me from running to where I don't know. 

Today there is a quiet truce like when 2 combatants are worn-out and out of ammunition. 

And if I could retreat would there be a place of refuge?

9.15.22

 530 this morning, the cats forced me to get up.

It took me 30 minutes to get to my coffee.

I have a lot to do this week and it is gone so that may or may not happen.

I think i can do the book now, but i move slowly.

There are some hints of light outside.

What I was hoping for from today has not materialized; although what I was expecting from today did.

An early morning walk a year ago today.

It is later in the day, exercised at the gym, first time since covid, brushed the pool, perhaps next week it will be drained and sanded, ate too fast and my stomach hurt through the workout.

No real news on anything.