9.20.22

What a night of nightmares.

Only walked yesterday, pool looked terrible and my hernia decided to act up.  I am in a position to take care of it now; just checking references.  Then 2 weeks without exercise, i suspect the tension will kill me in the surgery doesn't.

This is the second or third sunrise alone, how haunting it looks today.

Later in the day, the dog's mood matched my own as we sat and contemplated a future that we both believed was within our grasp, but which turned into an illusion.

Last nightmare was tied to the presentation Thursday, subconscious was not overly active.  I was in a college classroom and the teacher didn't show up and realized i had to give a lecture on my science and i was trying to sketch some notes on the blackboard when a substitute teacher showed up and that part ended and the real nightmare began; after going to eat and something happening; maybe the class of 100 people showed up we left to find another restaurant and i was left to pay for drinks and paid too much because i couldn't get a ticket; not really a nightmare, but then me and one daughter were dropped off by my brother for some reason at another place in a foreign country overlooking a beach, a crowded place with people from all over the world; and they disappeared and the phone wasn't working right and i was more worried about the daughter than me; but i was getting more and more aggravated till i woke up.

There were other nightmares too, but that is the one i ended the night with, the others not even whisps of memories as i take my first sips of coffee at 5am.  I'm busy today, but i'd best spend some time going over my presentation even though I live that stuff.  It is surprisingly complex and i am not certain that all of the newest work on time dilation is fully in my head although i did do a video on it.

The whole energy as pretime change thing within a range is also a part of the time thing, change over time being, after all, a measure of energy.  That is an area where I wish I could spend time, but that is why the absence of responses on grants is so frustrating.  Weirdly, the most rejectable application was found responsive.  My mind screams.

I missed that yesterday was international talk like a pirate day.  The missed opportunities in my life stack up so high they threaten to fall over and crush me.

What i wouldn't give to talk with you about the weather.