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 911  it is also day 200 of the ukraine-russia war.

For the moment we can argue that ukraine is cleaning up, although there is plenty of reason not be complacent.

You will never know how badly I miss you.  I am, however, certainly too old for what i am doing, rewriting physics, building fusion power generators, trying to deal with the inconsistencies in the modeling.

Pretty sick in terms of having a nagging cough and swollen glands and getting tired and strange tastes like leukemia after 2 weeks,  I may be too old to ask someone else to get used to my getting up 10 times a night and more during the day.    In the morning it seems to be gone, so it seems to be tied to being tired, needing sleep, and i have stayed active.

That being said, I swam 2000 yards today with all of the im and enjoyed it more than it was a problem.

Next week is coming on quickly.

What titanic shift occurred that made the desire, maybe even the need, to share everything to this introspective look at the world and what would be required to get back to it.

I am not sure i could call it a betrayal even if i were to stretch those terms to the limits unless i was the one who betrayed things.  But is it some perceived slight or something that originates in me?  I did take some real chances and embarked on something emotionally which limits my ability to be happy in my current situation, although I doubt i  could be happy in it anyway.

i came up with a mobile version of the tunica thing; although I would call it a one in a million shot although i do have more contacts here.  

While I feel good about the science and while the fractal modeeling gets stronger in some places the whole transition between fpix and fibonacci has become so clouded it is hard to imagine and this raises questions in connection with the overlapping spiral model and potential modifications to that which also raises issues as to how dimensional states build and i aggravtes me that i am still doing this by myself.

I know that it looks like a one way conversation, am i talking to your or myself?  I am not sure.

Why here, why now?  Maybe this is why and maybe neither of us says enough or maybe I say too much and you have nothing to say that hasn't already been said.

John Mayer - Say (Official HD Video) - YouTube

Despite the strength of my work I cannot be certain that anything will happen and certainly not the next week or next month type progress which would create the reality that I would like to force on you; but unlike you i have no choice but to continue the way i am going and hope for the best. 

tomorrow is monday, i am not ready for it, but it doesnt care.  I am sure i will write more, but today is a difficult day in many ways and i would share what comfort comes from knowing how deeply i am committed to the past and how much i want to commit to the future despite there being no reason to be optimistic.