6 more days of quarantine to worry about. At least I have more information now and so far no indication of more serious problems. Still nerve wracking and stressful. There's no hospital nearby, but there is a clinic and so far no reason to worry, but it is a disease which shows its worst face at the end and that is 10 days away. I would rather that it was me, alone and isolated, but we all have to accept what the future holds for us and for those we love, would you agree with me. Would you rather know that I love you or be left to wonder? Would you rather know I cannot stop thinking about you? Nor could anyone else. I hear every painful word, over and over again.
I am setting things up now in earnest, the deadlines you see at solid and unavoidable and there is much to do, too much to do, in the allotted time, even with all of the help I have; too many problems to deal with too many things to learn, to many choices to make.
That being said, I managed to get out another grant draft today and do substantial work on a couple of other pending grants. I managed to get drafts of the documents I need to discuss absolutely next week and the hope is that over the remainder of the weekend I will make progress on the backup documents.
What we did together, what you had me do, you muse; it is overwhelming and it is all coming together and falling apart. How could I do it with you and how can I possibly do it without you. And what a thing it is it rears up like some dragon before me. Where is my knight in shining lingerie? Yes, the world is mine to do as I want; and yet it controls me. How is this possible?
I drank way too much coffee (had a coffee zoom meeting) so I walked the dog after the rain stopped which only made me tired but jittery so it was off to the pool, otherwise sold out this evening.
After the hard swim yesterday, I was just planning to do 500 yards and an im or two. Ended up doing 2200 yards, pretty much the same way as last time because I had the pool almost entirely to myself and all that caffeine coursing through my system. Gave me a lot of time to think and worry about us, a non-existent matter of great concern to me.
Had a couple of things to write down after that, then moved on to finishing the one long document I had not started that I needed tomorrow. I did not get very far into that, wrote a lot, but not much organizing and almost no incorporation into the form of the lengthy report that was prepared for me, presumably to include.
I do have a solid start on 1 of 8-10 slide show applications and its off for review, something I may or may not get. This weekend I need to get the one long form finished; at least I've done one now so I know what I'm looking for, and at least two or three of the slide shows.
Today I did a lot. I also asked for the referrals that I need which I may or may not get. The good news is that I had a pretty solid draft (in my opinion) of the one that I finished. The bad news, I am no closer to you than when I woke up this morning.
Do you remember 5/29/13? I cannot remember that day in May, but I know what was happening, I was in love and I was writing poetry and my heart was broken. And apparently, I was watching Seinfeld.
May 29, 2013
tell so well the stories
of love and loss
the ones we listen to
that take us back
to when we were
younger, together
when our hearts
beat as one together
and when we were
torn completely apart
Seinfeld did a routine about lovers becoming friends. He said it was difficult because they knew each other's tricks. He said it was like two magicians trying to entertain each other.
I wonder about two friends would were lovers becoming friends again and what you would say to them. But there is a difference between love and sex. One burns hot, the other tunnels deep. Friendship can be burned by one and swallowed by the other.
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