29 days to next deadline! apocalypto 385

I am drinking a glass of wine after an exhausting day.

For the first time I took a serious look at the lottery using the AUT math.   And yes, I would have finished it in time to do more yesterday if I wasn't busy getting my feelings crushed; but we earn the way the earth treats us, the proof of original sin is death first, life second.  And no, no one else will get the lottery numbers, as yet I'm not doing you any favors anyway, just trying to find patterns that may not be there.

Apophenia (/æpoʊˈfiːniə/) is the tendency to perceive meaningful connections between unrelated things. The term (German: Apophänie) was coined by psychiatrist Klaus Conrad in his 1958 publication on the beginning stages of schizophrenia.

But the fractal patterns are there, I think.  And if not, then we'll see how things go with schizophrenia.

There is also this

https://asiatimes.com/2021/01/america-on-a-new-fast-track-to-fusion-energy/

The SBIR program is heating up

questions of competence instead of madness

which is a type of madness in itself.

My science gives me absolution

Reality convicts me

I see the bright side of our fights

because they highlight the love that is there

and it condemns me

because i have to hope for something better

I worked tirelessly for the last several weeks. 

 I have made some strides, had a few setbacks

 and don't have time to do what needs to be done.

I need more money a bigger team

and yes, i need you more than my science, more than the lotter, 

more than i need death to finally give me peace;

you don't think i want to say what mine is yours

but i think you know it

even if neither of us can admit it

 

but I don't have time for that

you don't either

you have to live life

I have to make this thing a legacy

to prevent its death, because of mine

but it is not the only thing that matters

you can believe that

and everyone can argue that

but the fire that burns in us hurts

but it is something that powers us

i took more than I should have

far more than you should have given

and you gave more than you knew

because nothing was bleak

until we sought to extinguish the blaze

Anyway, there was almost nothing to this post in may of 2013; at least it wasn't inaccurate

5/24/2013wordpress link for wordpress blog

http://en.blog.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/how-to-get-more-traffic/