2/4-rainy day part un

 I have had some time to process the news and i can see something both bad and good in, while sort of negative on the outside, on the inside it is a reprieve of sorts.

You cannot have everything in life, so sometimes you have to take what you can get and be satisfied.  Is that not appropriate here in some ways?  I could bemoan the costs, or I  could say, who really cares.  I can look at some very limited work now and put off the big stuff till later.  It is really a win-win in its own way.  If it becomes important later, well what is this about, it should always be primarily about love, money can be secondary.

Interesting that my size 34 jeans fit, maybe it's a sizing issue but I need to try on all my clothes. Don't apply this to yourself you are fine and if you decide you need to get skinnier you can come to new Mexico with me although you might catch the weird sleep hours. 

Today it will stop raining, it is only 4am.  two days ago i was caught in the rain and was soaked through despite a rain coat for the last 15 minutes of the walk.  I think it will be very cold later, but the rain will have stopped. I will walk and maybe I will finally swim again after a three day break on the 5th.  Perhaps I will want to by then.

I'm glad for the hot tub on these cold days. I'm not saying it is a substitute for you but it is better than nothing. 

Did I say that the price for my office was fairly close to what I would want?  I have to prepare for inflation, of course, with a fixed house note as long as I could sell my office and the land, that would not even be an issue, even if I was living in the desert.  It's not cheap to rent. 

I was thinking about extended family this morning and missing the news from home.  I am not a great loss, I am something of a liability even now because of my ongoing obligations because of my failures in the past.  I lost a family that was bizarrely real to me and even stranger I wonder about that family.

I'm not looking for a call, I'm looking for a future and it is up to me, just like it was up to you, to take the first step.