5.17.22

It seems some days like nothing is going right.  Had to swim again to lower my blood pressure which was causing headaches, however slight.  924 strokes, a little closer and 22 strokes per minute a little harder; but it was the stress that hit me.

I backed into the driveway too fast and cracked the rear view mirror housing so another 30 or 40 minutes was lost patch that together.  My car is essentially held together with bailing wire at this point in time and the need to get to the body shop is a little higher than it was.  That being said, everything is working for the moment and after a fashion and I think the electrical is all sealed in and even the adjustments on the mirror functioned so it could be and probably will get worse.  My car is a metaphor for me, except that I can't put bailing wire to myself.

One of the grants processes closed, but that same one is opening up.  While time is not my friend, I at least have a lot to work with and I finished drawing out electromagnetism which was surprisingly consistent with what was previously predicted which in a day full of frustration and heartache was reassuring and encouraging.  I had predicted this feature and described it but had not done enough math before now to be able to draw it out.

NM opened up today, but how am I supposed to take advantage of that with this?  It remains uncertain, there are fires, a war, it is a probability, not a certainty, "apparently are going..." and it is soon, a little too soon, a couple of weeks off, perhaps a month.  I have not had time to think about it.  I might have to take the beat up car, I'm not sure it could make it up the hill, it would be beat to pieces.  Now is the time to buy another car, but the things that would free me up, the closed door opening, the land sale remain elusive and while it remains possible in each case, within the time frame provide seems unlikely.

I need to begin to wind down for the day, the swim lowered my bp to a livable level, tomorrow there is more to do than can possibly be done and somehow I need to find sleep tonight between the disappointments and excitements.