`dod 61 republished mush free

I went old school, talking about missing you, asking you dumb questions.  why bother?  so mush free version:  I did what I intended, but I didn't know how to stick with it or why.   Sort of like when I first told you how i felt, remember you blew me off first, not that you could have understood.  I think I am sincere now, but who knows anymore.  I gave some thought to moving on. It is a hard decision especially given all the chains.  I made these chain in life, one link at a time; I think that is what Marley said, not living life correctly.  I understand Marley and I feel the weight of those chains because I could not give you that child or that horrible life that would have been with me.

This is the thought I woke up to, not the first time; but ready to write it down at least:  In a non-relativistic environment, time and energy are relativistic effects.  This is a more profound concept which may allow for a form of randomness on top of a fixed system.  It may well require the redefinition of what random refers to and helps explain a baseline to which all events must ultimately stick or come back to while allowing variation above the level of ct4t11 in this case.  Is it possible there is a real, false randomness, so way to have freedom of choice with a fixed universe, a failure of my excuse to you and myself?  It should not be the case, but it would explain a lot.

I'm quickly going from over 1000 intensity minutes per week back to 150.   Today, first time in 3 days, got 99, a good swim with record times according to the limited history of the stupid watch and probably being in a larger pool alone and with plenty of oxygen.  Then a walk in the humidity at night with the dog, no fear of coyotes even though some do live in town.

12/19 to 1/2 another long gym closure with no mountain hikes.  I lost weight, deferred tension, drank more coffee and spent more time thinking; now I have a broken keyboard and the stresses of everyday life.  It is a poor trade and I may yet go back.  If I do what alternative do I look for?

For the moment i have 3 months of emergencies, taxes, real estate issues and the like to think about, computer changes and the like which I think I have figured out.

A look back into the darkness before the light.