dod 68

More talk of leaving then a walk in a wood of small trees, my onlyexercisetoday and i showered with the smell of chlorinefrom last night'sswim on my skin,  free of that and shaved and comfortable at last but for the background of illness.  I was more sick tonight so I made a hit meal of leftovers and opened a bottle of medicinal wine.

it is 40 degrees warmer and in this land, you don't have to fret over the water running for another few seconds or timing your showers with the running of the dishwasher to limit the amount of gas that is used to heat it.  But there are drawbacks.  Reality is one of them, the daily facing of issues that faded into the background in the desert where you could not remember names.

I had this plan to stay in nm till you came but I left to deal with the reality I left here.  You made clear that you wouldn't come and i believed you though i couldn't believe my belief. 

Still no response the appeal to be filed as soon as next week to me permitting but perhaps after the first a way to welcome 22. Although I have the code section in hand. 

3 am in the morning and i am wide awake.  The illness recedes with sleep and it would be good if I could sleep longer but the attempt is useless.  I can barely see the words, able to type because of learning on a machine when i was in high school, a silly course which turned out to be so important.

I have made little progress this week in either drafting or science.  I should be satisfied having figured out in some depth how the world will end; but it is much to do and little to do with it.

I have undertaken to refinance my last investment property since it has not sold.  it is not expensive compared to its value, but it has not been a quick sale and the economy will turn eventually and it will stay a burden until it is sold. At present it appears to be an asset from a distance, but were it not for my other property, it would be an even bigger expense tan it is and this year it has been a particular burden at a time when I do not need one, 5500 plus the cost of buying out my deceased partner's estate at least.

More people I knew and more of my friends have died in the last month, mentors, classmates, I am ill but able to do much; although as I said I did not exercise.  This decreasing vision problem irks me.

I wait for news on these grants which would do much to ease the burden I am under but which may amount to nothing.  My teams continue to grow, another partner here a mentor there, a potential investor waiting for me.  I wait for what happens next as my vision slowly degrades my ability to do that seeing.

And what of  you who is the source of so much of this and the effect of the rest?  how do you sleep at night and who with.  If we were in new mexico and if these properties would sells and these grant come through then we would be the only two people in the world, and the world would be a garden of Eden eventhough I could not see it; but someone else is in that garden and I live with the snakes.

It's 5:30. I dozed for a few minutes.  Now its late enough to make coffee.  I increased from a half cup to a full cup while in NM and its stronger, still drinking TB coffee brought home, slowly disappearing with the memories.

It is now 11:30 raining hard.  I rode my bike before the rain and lifted weights and rode again, went to the grocery store and cooked a chicken and rice dish I saw on the internet.  I did a pretty bad job on the rice portion, I think; but it may be possible to deal with that given time.

It is pouring. rain here.

It's later now, dinner time. The cold has taken me down and I've done a lot today and I'm worn out and run down, coughing a little,  and the sun is setting on a sky which] promises to choker up tomorrow when I must take things up Shahin fit there is much to do before Monday when things will get even busier.