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 I went by a field, sunny on a cold afternoon, filled with kids, probably 6-8 years old and their coaches, maybe soccer, all wearing masks.

I did not get too close, but I saw one coach go to a group sitting down and remind them to keep their masks on.  It was humbling and very sad to me although perhaps, despite the millions sick and the hundreds of thousands dead, it should not be.  Or perhaps it should be more sad to me.

I let my heart get the best of me and gave a vagabond some work to do tomorrow, I dislike being good to people who are no worse than I am when I feel backed into a corner; although I could easily have said no.

I have been working hard on 11 or more grants, trying to put together the basics of science and a lengthy matrix for each covering 9 months.  Fortunately, many of them overlap so the matrix between two might only require minor tweaks, but the science is significantly different for each.  I've been told the work is challenging and expensive for the semiconductors, but that does not worry me.

Would you care if I did not write this, perhaps like it better?  I check my phone regularly like everyone in this over connected age, always looking for something, always disappointed.  When the Wright brothers first flew, cables were delivered by runners, if you were somewhere that a cable ran; and letters took weeks to cross oceans.  Wilbur Wright died when he was only 43, 20 years ago for me.

I was so tense today.  Yesterday I literally did nothing, moving no further than from my car to my desk and back.  Today I did the walk, which was not insignificant, but failed to make a dent in the tension I have; so despite the cold I swam, doing 2200 yards including 1200IM, including 2 400(s); albeit the terribly inconsistent ones.  This time I did feel the energy, perhaps from taking a day off; although at the end I just wanted it done with.

I was up at 3 this morning, I expect more of the same tonight.  I feel the weight of history and world. I remember what it was like to sleep with you; how complete it was and yet always I was tired the next day, but happy.  Will I ever have that again?