The apocalypse has days 363 21 28 The apocalypse, the electoral college and the new year

 Last weekend had a nice ride downtown.  I found this wonderful trail; managed to avoid all the dangerous roads and traffic, every little element came together.

Today everything went wrong, I couldn't find junctions, they seemed to have vanished as if by magic, it was very wet, mud clogged roads, paved and otherwise; ruts made riding dangerous, things broke, despite the cold I was sweating from exertion.

Finally, I was attacked by a large bull dog.  I survived that, but I am home licking my wounds; some damage will not heal, but I suppose I will.  I already have psychological issues from the wreck which tossed me about, those occasionally bother me a great deal when things are not going well on a ride.

The next 15 days will be as eventful for me as for anyone else; for the moment I am unhappy about things and lonely; checking my phone for signs that never come, unable to offer an explanation which is satisfactory to me.  Everyone should have someone who they can sleep next to and love physically; you as much as me, but I feel the need especially now.

I want to write some, but the science is continually getting in the way.

I don't think this is my problem, it is frustration with editing when what I want to do is write.  Also, I have allowed myself many distractions which are a waste of my time.  I know what I really need is you, what I cannot have.  I think I can earn it, but time is getting away from me;  I am daunted by how much I have to do and how old I am.  With you in my life I could live in the moment; that is no longer possible.

I want to eliminate extremes.  450 degrees below zero is a difficult temperature; I think we can do something entirely different with our science given the chance and the resources, but it is a complicated undertaking which I am not ready to disclose; much less go into here.  I have figured out in essence how to do that, I have found the stable element, not quite an electron, that no one before me has figured out how to use, or even that it existed; but I know and the evidence is so strong that I wonder that it did not come to me before.  Oppenheimer had to remind me, coming back from the dead, that communist; to explain it to me in the night, another ghost that shares the small space that the memory that the memories of you allows.

I am very unhappy tonight although there is much to be excited about; the opportunities that are right around the corner, 15 days off, 28, perhaps 40.  It is too many days and especially it is too many nights.