It is hard to work sometimes, the desire to call is so great.
I'm sitting with that cat that attacked me earlier.
He at least seems content, to go with your contempt, i suppose. There is nothing wrong with that.
And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12R4FzIhdoQ
That's an old one.
The cat has moved in and out of my lap, he's out now.
I started a new book today, but I'm not sure if I will pick it up again or not. It came to me on my bike ride and it worked on the bike ride but as I started writing, I had a hard time keeping it up. The excitement isn't there; there is nothing to live for. There is no future, only a past.
So today. It's very cold outside. But earlier it was only cool, and very pleasant in the sun. Sitting still. I couldn't sit still.
I rode my bike and did the bodyweight weight workout; neither at a challenging pace, but it was hard to do and after a shower I feel exhausted. The only thing that I want I cannot even think about having.
I'm trying to watch lalaland, but 5 minutes of it at a time is all of it that I can stand, it makes no sense to me. It won a bunch of awards, I think. Not saying its terrible, only saying I don't get it. I see where it tries to capture something, perhaps there is too much art in it for me. Do you care? Would it be better if I wrote nothing. Aren't we always waiting to be found, or then maybe you're already found, ahead of me, waiting to be lost again.
It would be better if I did not write these things. Not the books these public diary entries which are an excuse to reach out to you.
The chaotic nature of things bothers me and it does not seem to want to get better. It just seems to be building and getting worse; but I have to plug along and I am plugging along.
Still no word on the grant, 2 days left. I figured today, being the last working day, would be significant; but nothing. Perhaps Monday i will get some letter of condolence; now that it is too late to apply for the 12/3/20 consort which is not open while another application is pending.
The advances under the auspices of the grant are essentially the theoretical part of phase 1 anyone, far exceeding the targets which I had set; although in their own way proving the legitimacy of the model in ways unexpected; but exceeding expectations. And the network continues to grow as do the applications, the first draft of the 1/4/20 application was sent off and while there are a couple of those left to prepare and/or finish, a good start to the next round of the project.
This appears somewhere in all of that.
This shows the difference between empirical and the opposite, listed as theoretical; but AuT is something different, verified modeling, a place between empirical and theoretical; empirical mathematics might be a better term.
And hydrogen products
https://phys.org/news/2020-12-breakthrough-energy-technology.html
This is interesting to me, this is part of my future.
Where is that notice, for better or worse. I cannot make myself believe it is going to be worse, but why not? All genius must be struck down, just as an incredible pain was necessary to bring it out. Now there is pain for no reason.
I have a hard time finding villains for my new story. Perhaps if I look inside of me, I will find the villain.
Is this better or worse? It won't make a difference, but I need to know.
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