4/3/22 dusk

 The sun is setting, the church bells tolled 7.  Even the birds seem to be getting quieter.

The pool, though badly stained, is a clear blue to the bottom and probably at a temperature where it could be swam in, although after a 2.5 mile walk and a fairly easy pair of climbs, and cleaning up some things which needed to cleaned and shopping for something things that needed to be bought I am not very interested in swimming and that is something for tomorrow in any event.

I ate too much although nothing I ate had any meat or fatening ingredients.  fat-tening.

I would like to read even though i do not have a very good book right now; but perhaps in a bit.  I have a big week in terms of finding things out and a lot to do.

What I am thinking about is how much the opportunity to reach out makes me want to reach out, every conversation ends and i immediately think of things that "need to be said," why didn't they need to be said before?

I have broached the difficult topics and I know that anything I do will cause a lot of disorder, but there is an acceptance that is out there too, an understanding of the inevitable; but a refusal to embrace it.

It seems likely the potential sale will fall through and while an alternative is already being set up, this dragging things out month after month, though profitable in dollars is costly in time.  It is, however, beautiful here and peaceful this evening, the song birds of the evening of many types, children and dogs in the distance periodically breaking what could be the sounds of our country house.

I wonder if there is not some science that would allow us to do what I so badly hoped for that I was willing to risk everything for it.  I am sure it is possible and while it might not be good for anyone or anything, I still think we should explore that if this reality be pierced by our desire to be together.