4.9.22

Woke up this morning looking for you, no sign, of course.

 Had a meeting today at a local neighborhood coffee shop i had never been to around 9ish after my first coffee and while i only obtained a small coffee it was loaded with caffeine.  The shop was crowded and seemed to have all kinds of food, i had half of what was called coffee cake, but it had a chocalate center soaked in more caffeine so by the end of the hour long meeting, I knew I was in trouble.  I looked for some sign you were out there again, still nothing.  What was I thinking or expecting?

I had a ton of work to respond to and I did that, ate a sandwitch and did the only thing I could which was to go to the gym to swim (much too cold to swim outside).  The pool there was at first crowded but a lifesaving class left to go outside just in time leaving a lane between two people who while much younger did not have my training and because i feared the slightest shock would kill me, was releived that the water was warm, but quickly overheated and cursed the water knowing that I had no choice but to do a full workout to get some of the caffeine out of my system even though I had only had half of the coffee shop cup.  2000 yards later, with 1000 im included, i got out still fairly jazzed having had plenty of time to realize that your advisor had told you that you were insane to think of me, that i was insane, perhaps both or neither; not realizing that made us perfect for one another if it were true which it is not although my thoughts on that remain unchanged.

I walked the dog 2.5 miles knowing my energy was waning and even after that knowing a collapse was coming bought some hardware to repair a plumbing issue which I do not want to do but must nevertheless undertake, a sordid bit of work the only thing in the day which I did not somehow associate with you although now that I think about it....

I think the caffeine problem is dealt with, i can feel the coming exhaustion even though it is only 430, a lot has been done and I have more work to do including some calendaring.

I may come  back to this or I may hit the wall that has to be out there somewhere but I will certainly end the day as it started.

The weather is nice, it was actually sunny and cool during the walk but it has gotten more still and a little warmer and lazies the dog and to some extent me.