7.31.22

 The last day of July, the world is ending.

I slept till 5am without ac.  could have just gone downstairs, i have an extra window unit even at my office, but in truth i was very comfortable under just a sheet.

I got plenty of exercise and if i have a slight headache today it is likely from snoring and not anything else.

So this morning i will likely run down to the office to pick up the ac unit, then install it on the deck since that is convenient.

There was another turn down by an accelerator, but those are not the right place for me.  These six grants that are pending, possibly only 3 that really have a chance of going anywhere, are the future as well as those which i will file very soon now.  For the AF grant I have all of 9 days left, also true if i file with the epa.

I have plenty to do there, the navy, the army; not to mention the DOE grants which are already written after a fashion.  Well, that is true of one.

I want to go ahead and file the provisional in whatever form and get the book published.

I am not, after all, making any progress.  This is a waste of a couple of hundred dollars, but i need the book published and the argument is that the patent even if largely too little too late in light of what is already filed should be filed anyway.

Went through the patent, made changes took out stuff, saw a whole lot to add, but it will never stop so i added some of it and checked and it was  the right length and all.  Maybe tomorrow as it is provisional anyway.

Rode bike to work, all seemed in ordeer with the ac so i carried it to the reception area, drove back picked it up in time for the hottest part of the day and assembled it and installed it and it is fighting a losing battle in this one room where it is not as hot as it might otherwise be.  I think in the evening it will be cool.  I would say the house is at 81 (only 92 or so outside today with clouds) and this room is probably 75.  Its a big room, not totally closed off and 75 is comfortable, not cold.

It is noisy too.  Still it will make a big difference over the next couple of days and being a small unit it wont use a lot of energy, probably far less than the central unit.

I made an involved salad of leftovers, a little turkey, a little dried out chicken, a little arugulla, tomatoes, beets which still had some life in them, a couple of types of cheese and some homemade chickpea mash with pita chips and a carrot chaser.

I brushed the pool which is all the upper body work, but it needed it and i think i have gotten sort of in front of it again, although probably need to run the pump tonight and i doubt i will swim again as i took a shower after the bike ride, assembly and installation.

I had a few imaginary conversations with you, none of them satisfactory, i was pretty busy going though the document and next week i will finish with the grant and get ready for the doe grants, maybe do a quick adapation for the epa, although that is just a waste of time.

7.29.22-30

 I didn't mention but despite the crazy wakings all night my watch which gave me no ims for 2k yrds said I had 8.47 of sleep and indeed I did sleep until almost 630 inexplicable.   Again last night I got 8.5 hours of sleep.  I rode my bike to work.

Then without a break and very little water I walked the dog, jumping in the pool at the end of all that to cool off, but afterwards I had to brush the pool yet again as even with the regular maintenance this hot weather threatens to get ahead of me.  I should run the pump tonight, but I am not.

I am tired and taking a break from work.

7.30.22

I do not need much content for a post, but i read for a long time last night.  It is 5am and i couldn't sleep after a couple of days of sleeping till 6 or 630 even.  I am not thrilled with the battery life of the new computer which is light but which seems to only have an unplugged battery life of a few hours instead of the 7 promised.  Probably a reason it is not more expensive.

Today, theoretically, the newer version of the extension for extra monitors comes in and if it works, then i will send the other one back and will have a single plug in to go multiple monitors, mouse and keyboard or portable.

I am making progress with the provisional.  Slow, but steady at least.  I am waiting for two last reviews on the AF grant and then i am ready to file it although i have low expectations.  it is an opportunity to save the world so there is that.

I am trying to work around the constant interruptions and pressures that sometimes seem overwhelming, but i put them in perspective and they go away.  I badly want to go to NM, but the patent stuff and grant deadlines make it unlikely.  

China-Taiwan; Russia-Ukraine; Jan. 6-S.ct-orweillian congress; climate change-super v-magnetosphere; so much to take in and so much to deal with.

A 3 mile walk, it was supposed to rain today according to yesterday, then not, then it rained anyway, thundering till now.

The part came in I was waiting for.  Either it works and I return the old one or it doesn't.

6:00 pm, added a 1600yd swim (1k im) to the walk.

Well, it didn't work, but I'm going to try some customer support before giving up.  Not overly happy, this has been a c-f.

I am also working on this tc purchase which is fked up for whatever reason.

Worst still, i am convinced i have to make my science work to save the planet. I will spare you the articles bemoaning the end of the world.

I am not sure if I can do it without you, I don't even know if I'm supposed to.

The AC died today too, wonderful day.  Fortunately there is a backup and an appointment already scheduled for Tuesday.  I can always go to New Mexico.

7.28.22

 The new device did not work, so it is on to the next version.  Not sure about this monitor, have to make monitor choices here.  The real problem is that it is less about the monitor and more about the eyes looking at it.

It's official, I haven't ridden my bike in a week, essentially since I had the flat last Thursday. 

It's cooling off, a storm is coming up from the south. Having a difficult time staying on task.  While a minor setback the inability to use all the screens together is a nuisance.

Swam 2000 yrds, nothing to write home about.  Found out today that they ignored the rehearing on the doe grant, maintaining the bullshit that it was based on dubious science.  Morons rejected it without even sending it to reviewers who could understand the science.  I do consider a pI art of this to due to poor drafting.

I have filed around 5 essentially identical grants, one of which is the long term research grant requested which is pending.  The other 4 were various ways of claiming a new way of categorizing information.  One more will be filed this go round (they're looking for it) but this time with some technical drafting assistance. On the bright side, it is largely drafted. On the dark side,it does not have the software part well developed.

The patent editing is a little better with a focus on just finishing one section at a time and not developing it more than absolutely necessary.  I am thinking of an 8/15/22 deadline, but no use setting one yet, it is just provisional work on top of that already filed and the real work is yet a year off.  I'll be editing it in front of the tv tonight, i have become my father.

I am a little over a week from the next interview.  I will have to spend some time next week getting ready, but I have plenty to do right now.

I need you to buy the lottery tickets with our birthdays since I don't see going to buy any myself.  If you win you don't have to share it, you can flaunt it at me or whatever it is that you would want to do.  I suppose nothing.

It will be interesting to see what the future holds in a world where random people can become billionaires from the lottery while others starve.  It depresses me.  Things have changed and everything about you depresses me.  What happened to the future?

7.27.22

     It is dark outside. To make sure there are no coyotes even though there is some dawn but not a whisk of direct light i have already brushed the pool.  It is getting less and less effective, the black algae spreading over perhaps a third of one side and in some other places.  This winter it will be a big job to fix everything.  I keep hoping it will sell, but not yet.

Today and tomorrow are big days.  Nothing in the quiet predawn hours gives hint to that.  It is neither hot nor cool, the birds have started their morning ritual.  The coffee is not good or bad, but it is still hot.

I have parts on order that need to be completed, the mouse, the one plug in that allows me to hook monitors and usb(s) in a single slot in the computer, for ease of use.  There may be a little more of looking at that issue, but  not much.  There are printer questions and the software I need to buy yet another copy of.  All in all this will not have ben a profitable undertaking but it will be an upgrade and the other computer can stay in place or I can put a computer on my cousins desk or...well there are a lot of options, but first i need to finish ordering things or determine to use those things which I find I already have.

6:02am.

The new computer is fast, the real test will come when I can plug into the monitors and when I add the remote keyboard and mouse.  I'm fine with the temporary stuff till then.

Well, turns out I had a fully functional wireless keyboard and mouse setup.  There are some monitor issues yet to work out, but I think the new device coming tomorrow will take care of that and next on the agenda is moving the old computer back to my office where it will serve as another 2 or 3 monitor setup depending on how things pan out.  It's a little slow so not so important.

I walked 2.5 miles got no im for it, so i swam because i needed to shower 1500 yds including 1000 im (2x500) and got 20 IM which got me my week's worth.

A lot is happening, but my bigger meeting tomorrow was cancelled under mysterious conditions and the one today did not go as well as I hoped.  Actually it went terribly.

That being said, I'm trying to save the world so I should survive the little things.

I have not said anything I want to say here, but its been a busy day and tomorrow will likely be equally busy.

7.26.22

 8.25 i have the first doctor apptmt i have scheduled in so many years that i could not get it with my old, now retired, regular physician.

The Calendly experiment has not worked yet although in fairness there was not even a weeks notice.  I did finally set it up however and i will see about next week when next week comes.  Also while I have nothing going through Thursday, I managed to sneak in the minimum number of interviews already and there are one or two slots open tomorrow that might fill in.

It seems like i was up 10 times between 10 and 1245 before settling in to longer sleep cycles last night.  I feel better this morning.  I have a full day whether the power is on or not and many things to do.  I need to add to it putting together a list of wants.

Am I close to the inflection point and will it even matter anymore?  I am old and being away from you has killed a part of me.

It is late, 430.  I broke down and bought the computer i needed to replace.  I am not totally happy with it so far, but it is the best deal that i saw, has a one year warranty and enough ports if not too many.  I am almost upset i did not buy the more expensive unit, but I think i made an ok choice.  As I get used to it, time will tell.

I have had no free time, today till now.  I just finished exercise, 35 minutes of elliptical machine on a challenging level 14 and then 20 minutes on the new weight machines which left my arms trembling a bit, I am not used to them and bounce between too much weight and not enough.  I needed it to calm my nerves, but i have to buy yet another copy of the cad program, I will need a wireless mouse and maybe a screen splitter eventally to simplify things.  There is also one password which I fear i will have to change on all of the machines which is not a huge deal, just an inconvenience.

I sent off the last document version to review today and I am satisfied with it because it will not result in much but will make a point, i also pitched it loosely to the navy and if the patent work and book and time allows then it will go to the epa, usgs and nsf.  Funny that i am trying to save the world and i dont even know for sure what is missing, there is the offset of speed issue, the whole pretime change and relative pretime change issue, the very foundations of energy and time; how did i get here without you.

My guilty pleasure is watching the time travelers wife when i do the elliptical; for whatever reason it makes me think of us, two people stuck in time who have known each other for 2/3rds of our lives now.  

7.25.22

 Making sweet potato pancakes with blueberries and pecans.

Getting them to the right crispness takes some doing.  It s a slow process so I can begin this blog.

Today was busy, but i mainly got effective work in the morning.  The power went off at the office and when I got home i began to suffer from the inner ear problem.  

For some strange reason my main printer which is old and was on the blink started to work again.  No explanation.   I have a 100 page document i have to print out, reorganize, edit and then file as a provisional somehow doing all that and everything else i have to do this week.

I was able to put my interview minimum together already and i am pretty happy with the results.  One did not happen and whether the other three or 5 happen is anyones guess and will come together or not this week before Thursday.  Thursday is the last presentation and the date for the tough work to be finished.  I may not print things out, i may be able to do what is necessary with just an index and onscreen editing which will save a step.  It is just a provisional after all.

So I have this to do:

1) The book

2) The provisional

3) The AF grant and maybe the epa one.

There is no way to get it all done this week.  My focus today was the patent

I am going to focus on the grant tomorrow and then send the next draft to my editors. 

I've been sidelined by inner ear. Mad at you or myself or both. 

7.23.24.22

 Spent the morning working on theory and grant.  Next Thursday I hope to enlist more techincal support and I have to get a substantial amount of work done first.  In the interim, I hope to get things finished enough to show to the AF and as I continue in the modeling I know that I need to file something and move on to finishing the book.

After thursday I have to shift somewhat to dealing with claims.  This stuff is very complex and is coming sooner than I wanted.  A dozen articles to read, some appear to be lost, but may be found easily.

Venus calm wind and electromagnetic exploration reconciled with modeling of something to deal with the background information on heat and cold.

There is a lot more to do yet, the right angle thing is at least partially confirmed.  Swimming is next on the agenda, little chance of rain this morning and everything is plenty war, the chlorine and ph levels are ok, probably both could use to be a little higher.  Controlling the clarity of the water has been surprisingly easy despite the high temperatures and rain; but no so much with the black algae growth on the walls which is completely out of hand right now and means that after the summer swimming season ends it will have to be dealt with although the sale continues to linger in the background.

Hwy 90 also continues to linger.  For sale by owner signs may be in the future, I do not know. Need to talk to the politicians about that since they have provided a platform.

I finally got around to making brocolli cheddar soup.  I would call it a limited succcess. It was not perfect, but I was really close and the pain problem was not with taste, but texture which might well have been associated with cheese or whole milk issues.  A limited difference might have come from using chicken and not vegetable broth.

My stomach is ok with it, that is what matters today.

I am dealing with a dozen technical issues and 4 different immediate grants and no telling how many others, all with different levels of already having been done enough attached and a book to edit and publish and the patent which never stops.

With all i have to do i shopped for the replacement computer.  There is a lot  to take in but i got some good info and eventually this week or next i will have to bite the proverbial bullet, but there is a reason to wait for now.

I am watching they shoot horses dont they on you tube.  It is an interesting bit.  I thought i had seen it before, but aparently not.  It it not a bad period piece.  If I knew the time frame i would check to see what 1500 dollars back then was worth today so i would have some perspective.  No special effects, not grand sets or backdrop, just a simple story of desperate people with real personalities and good, old fashioned camera and lighting work.

I was told it was depressing and I suppose it is a story of exploitation on so many levels;  maybe it is more about desperation in a modern world; and perhaps exploitation requires dsperation.  It is a thin line between humanity and barbarianism; we see it everywhere we look.

If I am right and the world ever catches up with me, my autobiography will be a hot mess; an unbelievable hot mess just like the movie but different; not the grand lives of the others, just a hot mess.  Maybe it could have been different, but in truth, I would have to go back to when i was 10 years old to fix everything that went wrong.

It's Sunday evening. I made up for shortcomings in other days by doing 158 im today including 1500 yds swimming between storms with all the ims.  I'm tired but no problems now.  Next week will be full and will end with important meetings and calls.   I have started with calendy but not sure if I'll subscribe. July should not end quietly but I have plenty to do.

There is aloneness to this thing and I'm reading about those who went before and I don't fit in with the lofty and I  am too old for this alone.

7.22.22

 Interesting date today.  Cannot believe the month is going.  The days fly by. I

This week it seems like my body has cycled through all the chronic problems.  Stomach still, sensitive i did not make coffee till after 630; twingy back, at least it feels fine this morning, then my eye hurt so bad last night it was hard to go to sleep, again better this morning but it reminds me i have to make an appointment (done) and no one likes this medicare which i was told was going to be the best insurance ever and  turned out to be the worst.  It may be a state by state thing.

Walked dog to office as it has been raining and looks like it could continue. (in fact it did with lightening, but stopped in plenty of time to swim

I guess i will take a break from this and go make some coffee and breakfast and hope mystomach doesnt decide to attack me.  Glad to have that doctor appointment which must be pretty close now.

I made some coffee and i am eaing.  it is almost 7.  i dreamed i had a power company to interview yesterday, the ubank idea (i am too old to do anything new), i thought about grants.  Spent quite a bit of time looking at the concept of saving the world and started drawing it out.

Will you be there when i need you?  I suppose it doesn't matter to you what i need. 

7.21.22

 630 am at my office

I skipped coffee this morning to allow my stomach to recover and I am not doing very well.

I was up at 5:00 brushing the pool to scare away any coyotes that might be in the yard and because the pool needed it.

My computer appears to be lost forever.  Last time I waste money on an insurance policy which this time actually cost me instead of benefiting me.  Up till now I had hoped it would come in the mail without an apology, but at least I'd have it back.  My temporary setup at home has become permanent.

I'm exhausted this afternoon. Fell asleep after lunch. Hope it is just a part of the illness early in the week. Monday seems like a year ago. 

Next, because of my twingy back i rode my bike to the gym and did a short, super easy weight workout (heat was oppressive on the ride) and then low an behold had a flat tire which meant a one mile walk (fortunately just that) mostly in the sun and heat to the bike shop, 25 of my 28 emergency dollars in bike pants later i rode the rest of the way home going the more flat way, and of course, after all of that which should have worn me out even more i feel much better.  Jumped into the pool but didn't swim just to cool off enough to take a shower and now i am still sweating a little but in the ac taking care of the afternoons business as much as i can without the stuff  i wanted.

"An introduction to Algorithm Universe Mathematics" is the name i have landed on for the text book which is really the next edition of the last book.  Probably with something like A comprehensive introduction into the mathematics that defines physics and chemistry by yours truly as the trailer.

I have also addressed some other troubling things which includes magnetic bonding and photons and i am darned ready to file the provisional even if i have to revisit it in a few months and get the book out there where it can do some good.  And I guess I will buy another computer.

Things in many areas are going as well as can be expected otherwise.  Really need one of the two long pending grants and then one of the two targeted af grants and then need to get backing on fusion (where i am feeling better and better, this new stuff).  I feel with just these few insights i  have enough to justify finally getting this provisional filed, then its fingers crossed as next week i continue negotiations.

It is interesting because the book i chose to read has already provided historical insights, it was the right choice.  Turns out even before parmenides there was someone out there doing work on the practical magnetics by polishing amber the greek philospher Thale, although it was mostly lost except as a  Greek myth (of course) until several hundred years later in the 16 hundreds and, Gilbert took this and became the father of modern electromagnetism.  And,  of course i wrote a book, spirals in amber and guess where the word electricity comes from, yes you got it, the greek word for amber is electrik so there you have it.  You could have avoided me and we could laugh about this now but that is not  how the universe works, then Phaeton (the teenager below) could not have avoided punishment for steeling a car (well chariot, but the same thing).

It is not lost on me that i almost died (well felt like it) and never heard a word, but that is a curse on me just like the curse that killed the character in the greek story who accidently destroyed libya or something like that because he was a god equivalent of a teenager who stole dad's car.  How i wish we could talk about this in person, it is like a dagger inside of me, just like that tack that was stuck in the tire.

And i might add, i could not avoid you even now even if i wanted to although that is not a curse to me except to the extent we must be apart, so i suppose cursed.

7.20.22

 I feel much better this morning after a regular nights sleep.  Not brave enough to drink coffee yet, but i may later this morning.  I seem to be ok without it, so it might make sense to go a few days without it.  I might tie posting these posts to when i start drinking coffeee again.  I am really waiting for things to calm down in my world a little.

I slept, probably only gettng up 3 or 4 times, till 530 which meant around 8 hours and immediately went downstairs to brush the pool and shock it while it was still cool.  Ha!  It was pretty hot.82 degrees even at 530am.  Painting and finishing the pool is a high priority item for this winter and probably a pretty big job.  I think, however bad it is beginning to get, it will wait till then.  

When i did the absurdly short cool down swim after the too short to record bike ride to the library the water temperature was 89, comfortable to just sit in, still swimmable, but no shock getting in and hard to cool off in after the cardio portions of the swim.

Today is another busy day.  I still have the patent and book to file, although in both cases more work is suggested.

It's the afternoon. Tried a more normal eating and stomach is sending warning signals. Not sure what to do.

Did a 600yd...yes just 600 yard cool down swim in the too warm pool after a 2.5 dog walk and back care walk in unbelievable heat and humidity. Hard to breathe like walking underwater. 

I'm OK 4 now.

7.19.22

 Last night was rough.

At some point in the middle of the night I went out to sleep sitting up on a couch which turned out tobe (1) surprisingly comfortable and (2) the only way to calm my stomach down.  I could not lay down even at 60 degrees without my stomach painfully heaving, but gradually by around 6 I could lay down and now, after a single piece of toast and relatively late in the morning, I feel normal, but tired.  Despite what seemed like it must have been 10 hours of sleep, my watch says I only got 6.5 hours of sleep.

The pb wore 9ff after 2 hours and I only took a single second dose, sitting up dozing the rest of the night instead. 

Just had a dry half turkey sandwich and canned chicken soup for lunch, first real meal since lunch yesterday. I want to give up and just relax. 

I went for a 2mile walk in the heat of the day although it was overcast. Probably not a good idea.  I swam, just 500 yrd warm up and 1 200 im, the water was almost 90 degrees so taht was  plenty to do and i showered off afterwards and felt better.  I at a fluffy kiche and some watermellon, probably should have just eaten the mellon because my stomach is not hurting but is sending mixed messages.

It is still early, 739, but I would go to bed if i could.

Europe is on fire and i have a potential way to cool the planet.  I may be making some progress, but i badly need the grant, not just the conversations that go with it.  I started reading empires of light and surprisingly there is something in the first page or two that suggests tesla was thinking something similar to what i am doing.  i wonder how similar the two will end up being.

the more i read on him, like the unrelated valve, the more impressed i am with what he was doing.  i need the backers that he had.

The only good thing about the nausea was that i was in so much pain yesterday that all i have been able to do today is rest and let things wash over me.  No guilt, no feelings of loneliness, just glad the pain has receded as much as it has.

I am going to read a bit and see if things get better or worse..

I'm posting a day late, hope to catch up. 

7.18.22

 Need to do 10 interviews this week on top of everything else.

Work at 6 so I am behind.  Got almost 8.5 hours of sleep, although no deep sleep.  Yesterday i rode 8 miles, walked all my steps at least and swam 1500 yrds including all the im (500,400,100 again) so that apparently helped some, but the fact i never go to deep sleep is troubling.  I do think it is the first time in a week i got 8 hours of sleep and my average was just over 6 so i suppose i needed it although that triathalonish exercise cannot be maintained.

The sun is already filtering in on all of the trees although there is plenty of shade in the yard.  I sprayed it yesterday and the flies and mosquitos are gone.  Of course it will rain and it will allbe for nothing, but not yesterday.

The pool is clear even though the walls desperately need to be sanded and repainted.  I need to start focusing on doing that stuff at my office.  I have a big fence job here to do, but i am ready for it.  I need to start ordering equipment.  I don't have an agreement on the roof work that was done.  Not a very lawyerly way to handle things.  It is 100-400 in work and the roofer wants to do more work for 3 grand.  I'll meet with him again eventually, until then the roof isn't leaking and I plan to deal with the walls myself as part of that fence project.  If you're spraying a fence with paint, you might as well spray the walls of the office.

The coffee is back to tasting bad again.

Deathly ill. Ate fast food for lunch even though stomach already sensitive several days.  Not doing well at all. Feel like something much worse even throwing up seems like an acceptable option. 

Was also all nerves so I  swam to see if it would help, only 1500 somehow at a terrible pace did 800 I'm, 4x200.  More relaxed afterwards but maybe even sicker although I feel like I am dying beforeand after. That will be my last fast food one way or the other.

Took antacid earlier but no effect. If this is goodbye...blech!

Glad I have an MD appointment next month as I am likely to need it.  Sorry dear reader to share such dire news but I hope it will get better. 

Now having chills seems to be getting worse but may just be 2ndary to swimming 

Wish I had something to speed this along for better or worse. Alkeseltzer even. Will have to get up and look for something, it is that bad.

Had to drive self to store. Drank 30 ml pb, 10 minutes ago.  Takes 30 minutes to work. Fingers crossed. If it doesn't work I'm in trouble. 

45 minutes in, seems better,  2nd dose possible but can't lay down for 30 after dose. 

Brushed teeth, dry heaves but definitely a little better. Very 😫 tired.

7.17.22

530 am, sitting outside with same coffee from yesterday but it tastes a littlebetter.  I can see but the sun has not risen yet.  It is humid, the screen is covered with condensation, cannot be good for it

woke up to dreams about taxes which are overdue and the many problems of income being experienced right now, the effects of the drooping stock market, i saw in some cases 20 percent losses.

I am out here lookingfor coyotes which thankfully are not here but the gaps in thefence ae increasing.

I have been wondering about the issues with the scince, the closed vs open concept, the internal vs edge concept; i need help figuring these things out.  They have to do with the math and then they do not.  The electromagnetic portions of it, the gravity vs ct3 part; what is the ct3 part how is it perceived does it get wound into the carrier for the other forces or is it one which just is not observed, what ct5 force within the atom when ct5 is so much bigger in the end than the atom, why does it show up with the initial part of ct4 folding and not just at the end. 

What i have determined is that the problem is that the earth is a battery putting out dc current and the transformer only works with ac current so one solution becomes obvious; but there is another problem which needs more attention and has not been previously addressed because everything has been treated as fields and this is not a field issue; fields just used to approximate the problem and it brings me back, perhaps, to that unique valve design but for magnetic flow.  i can see this in my minds eye, but i cannot fully understand how to accomplish it.  Perhaps more study of inverters and rectifiers will get me there since they use the opposite of these valve features.

Strangely enough, this brings me back to the edison (dc) vs tesla (ac) argument which edison won in economic terms even as tesla won in practice; edison made money, tesla died broke even though he was right on this argument.  i have to find a book on this battle, that is the next item on the agenda, There are many of these books, not sure how to find the right one, but for the moment i dont have time to finish it, but i do have time to start it if i can figure out which one to start with.  so it is empires of light by jill something, the one at the library, now on hold so i can pick it up next week.

The solution to the issue at hand and the aility to deal with the climate as a result is there before me although getting to the cooling as opposed to heating part remains ellusive.  I suspect there is a mechanism that takes the maximum heat and tones it down, probably the reason for the whole capture of carbon thing.  could life have gotten so specific that it came up with a way to regulate temperature of the whole planet?  it seems unlikely, but why not if enough experiment and error and if so how are we not part of that, me and you in particular given what i am doing.  how has nature writen that into things here?  can it possibly get that specific?

I am drinking the coffee from yesterday which is so terrible.  oddly it seems to have mellowed with age although it is still not very good. 

4u

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I wish there was some way i could reach out to you, ask you how you are doing.  You may think i can, but you break my heart, you always have.

I have  been watching the time travelers wife on hbo and it reminds me of us in a way, although the traps are all different.

which is the right question, why cant i stop loving you or is it   how come i keep loving you.  you do nothing for me or to reach out to me, you saved my life but that is far in the past.  what is wrong with me.

I rode my bike to the gym, forgetting it doesnt open till 1 on sundays.  I was very hot and i had one 8 mile bike ride instead of 2 4 mile rides with a swim in between.  I sprayed the yards to deal with mosquitos and flies that had gotten out of hand, they are now very much dealt with although what prices are being paid for that is uncertain.

I may come back to this, but i have so very much to deal with today and all i want to do is find this path from here to there which seems straight but which involves so much risk including crossing an impossibly deep moat that was dug by...

7.16.22

 it has been a busy morning, it is 610am. i slept ok, up a lot, probably no more than 7 hours, but my watch will give me its opinion later.  Had a nice dinner with my brothers family last night.  wont get into personal details which might be interesting.  the food was good but it was as it always is over there too late.

i want to go back to the desert, but yesterday proved that i have a lot that i need to do from here first.

I lost in the night some insight into the save the earth thing.  this new particle model and the offset lines of travel are well defined so i wonder what it is that seemed important.  It will likely come to me.  I have less than 30 days to finish but i feel like the majority of the work is completed.

Need to deal with issue of using the wrong scale.

I would rather be working today, but I am not getting much done.  

The coffee tasted terrible today so I only drank half of it.  There are dogs barking, bothering me incessantly.  Enough complaining?

I swam 2000 yards before 10.  I did a little over the 1000 im again, a 500, 400 and 200, climbing down the ladder.   It turns out that 2000 yards is 1000 strokes more or less.  I need to figure out how to count strokes better.

The war goes on making me wonder if what i am doing is worth it.    I remember what I had forgotten in part.

The horror story of pfas is getting worse and worse.  What can you do about it? It causes testicular and thyroid cancer. They want to kill both of us to make an extra dollar,  the proof of one of my strongest arguments in the af grant.

Dupont and Russia killing us even as we kill ourselves with ourconvenience items, or necessities depending on how you look at them.  There is no use to what i am doing, but perhaps i shoudl continue to do it anyway.

Its hard to be happy with the news being what it is.

My life could be more simple and more complicated.  At the moment, nothing is happening except that i am trying to line up 10 interviews next week and make other things happen.  The book, the patent, the next grant or the one after that one; there is no end of work.  I have to do more technical work on saving the planet.  It looks so simple, but something is missing.  I do not believe it is totallly a matter of closing the circuit, indeed it should not require closing the circuit, but if i am right why is the power observed so far away, is it lightening also?  That is a valid question.  Is it all the static electricity in the world a part of this?

I am tired but what i really want to do is finish the patent in some fashion so i can finish and publish the book and this weekend is a time for that; i wont have a block of time for that until this evening, but i will have it then and i have plenty i can do until then although none of it is great.

10 interviews, i have asked for at least 5 and gotten none so far.  In the process i have done necessary customer discovery and drafting for the af grant, i have enlisted political help for the long term nsf grant and for the foia thing so i am learning a lot and getting a lot done.  

I wonder what you are doing.  I would like to interview you, find out why your hair is on fire.

7.15.22

News of the day...sometimes I could explode with the need to talk about the news of the day, but I cannot so perhaps I will explode.

I fell asleep early last night, i was reading and was suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion, I woke thinking that even if you had come to me in NM that it would have exposed the problems we have instead of being something that solved them; but I could not make myself believe it would have been a bad idea even then for every relationship has its problems.  In the end, according to my watch, I only slept for 6 hours and 15 minutes.

In the middle I had dreams that showed my frustration with things here, the unfairness of what i have to deal with, my responsibility for it and then one of those horrible legal dreams where I have a case that needs to be continued and the time for doing it has passed, so real in the night and something of a relief for me in the morning till i remember that i still need long term funding and acceptance, that i still need to work out answers which very likely are necessary to save the world and the dreams that come with that of a world where I cannot do it in time where the survivors have to relearn how to live without the comforts that make life bearable, like the ability to reach out to you even though I know you are not there.

I wait and I work.  My computer has been deemed unrepairable by asurion which is just their way of saying they could not find a keyboard for it.  I have a small refund, not enough to upgrade or fully replace even the software so I am trying to get it back and maybe even after that I will buy another one; but it will be later today or next week before i know if that is possible.   It is interesting that the refund does not include the money for the warranty, whatever that cost.  Nor can i get a comparable unit even ignoring the software issues.  Interesting that the refund comes as an amazon gift card.

Even so, my options were limited and at least I have the temporary setup which has proved adequate for most of my needs although it is at the limits of its windows 10 capabilities, often painfully slow.  Edit: My call to have it returned remains unanswered even though it is now late in the day.

I am wearing an old pair of glasses this morning, they are scratched although not badly.  I suppose with my eyes, the scratches barely affect the cataracts that I am told could be removed and give me a lot of clarity in my vision.  Not yet.

Today I have a number of appointments and meetings.  I woke at 520 and have already done a lot.  The coffee tastes particularly good this morning so far, it may turn bitter as do many things in life.  It is still before 630 though I brushed the pool (to scare off coyotes) and fed everyone and ate myself; but soon enough it will be time to get ready for the work that is coming today.

I walked the dog to my office, it was fairly cool till the end when the sun was out and it was almost too hot.  It clouded up, but now it is clear again, but I've done enough today, my stomach hurts and I can swim tomorrow if at all.

I finally got around to enlisting some help on two fairly large matters and I am happy to have also prepared and sent off the associated paperwork.  Nothing may come of it, but it is a start to both items.

The lack of sleep has caught up with me.  I am tired, hungry and uncertain about the future.

7.14.22

 Lightening woke me up this morning but when I went on the deck to clear the yard of coyotes, there was a huge full moon high in the sky.  It would have made a beautiful picture, it was the type of moon that you would hold someone and look at together.  There was thunder and lightening in the distance, but the sky where the moon shone through was clear.

The proxy wars in Europe and Taiwan (asia) worry me.  I have physics for that, but I continue to be a voice in the wilderness.

My calendar is full, the program is interesting and serves to fill the needs of other applications.  I need a third screen at the office.

So it's late in the afternoon and there is nonstop thunder in the background although the radar shows the actual storms are still 5 or 10 miles south of here an building up rapidly.   I could well lose power so I will probably post this before too long and come back to it conditions permitting.

It's been a busy day fine tuning the save the world project and grant, doing customer discovery work, in zoom meetings and doing a 45 minute elliptical and weight workout, the new weight equipment getting mixed reviews from me, but its load bearing upper body work and I'm sure I'll get used to it.  Should have taken a picture.  I balanced the chemicals, shocked the pool and brushed it although with all this rain everything I do has a temporary feel to it.

I have stayed busy today but i have not finished the patent which I suppose is the next big thing, then finally the book.  I feel like i have to finish drafting this grant first in case the unexpected insight comes from it.  Something already has although it is only barely tangible and the stuff about the sifting core still has not been fully comitted to paper anywhere.

i have been too busy with the 3 programs i am in, the one that was pretty intense this week, the ip work and other things to think much at least today.  I finished an interesting book but it made me feel inadequate and a little homesick for a past that never happened.

The war news is worrisome, sides being picked by many countries.  China remains a wild card, i wonder if russia has taken time to realize how dangerous their situation is on that border and how unliely any aliance there is to work for them in the long term.  It is worrisome to think that ego might destroy the world ahead of stupidity; but either way it makes me sad to think i am spending my life in such a futile way trying to save it, thinking i can, and not having the relief which the home i only dream about could provide.

7/13/22

 Beware the ides of July.

I'm calmer.  Everyone has disappointed me and I am exhausted from meetings and I need to swim soon.

Out of the pool for only 10 minutes and it is pouring and lightening despite the forcast to the contrary.  I did 3600 and even an extra 100 im,  but the last of it was fast because the weather was threatening in a very big way despite the promised good weather.

Happy I trusted my instincts although without you, eh.   It is coming down in buckets.

I do not have any idea what i am doing or what is happening.  I am glad i swam, but i am getting no relief from it, i can only imagine what it would be like if i had not swam.

I drank a little wine last night and that seemed to help, i was almost shaking last night.

The sun came out, as if that absurd storm had not even existed.  The weather here is so weird.

It is later now, almosts 7.  I finished all of the project i had today, somehow screwed up a seminar i intended to attend, no reply to the 4 emails i sent on the fema case, 5 maybe.  have no idea what is happening there. people used to reply to emails pretty quick.  I will send another 5 next week, i suppose.

I am overwhelmed by things, patent responses, grant applications pending and underway, the three programs, two for grants one to get ready for funding, the research on diverting the magnetosphere, how weird it is for me to be doing something like that.  The next hard deadline which i should be able to deal with since i am well under way is 8.9.22 and between now and then I will likely file the next provisional and likely find out the verdict on the one remaining doe grant from last year.

I suppose the shock if it was not rejected would kill me, still very frustrating.  The NSF one languishes for reasons unknown.  Likely they could find nothing wrong with it so they cannot reject it so they merely ignore ituntil  they can based on teh passage of time instead of the passage of logic.

I was not killed swimming, nothing has blown up in my face except you, i have my life in order and while these property sales have not happened, the temporary repairs at my office are just in time for the rainy season, not quite too late although late enough.

Ten years ago things were wonderful but they were also terrible.  Today things are terrible, but they could be wonderful.  I hope you are happy and i hope you are as miserable without me as i am without you.  How odd life is, to give gifts of insight to those who do not deserve and to blind those who do.

7.12.22

 Slept better last night.

It stormed too late in the evening to get a swim in, but the bike ride was "adequate" and its been a while since I missed a day completely.  I wish I had walked the dog this morning, but I slept well again remembering dreams of walking through ocean covered sand around an island, sort of a nightmare, but not quite.

Today is the first day of the icap program (formally anyway) and I am having to work from home to return the fence materials.  If I go to 6 feet I really need to replace all of the posts.  Probably need to buy a $185.00 post hole digger for that.  That takes the "posts" up to around 383 for 12' posts.  The ground here is soft although roots are a problem.

Living alone is the only way I can envision the future. This is really an awful situation.  I was very close to taking nothing but the clothes on my back and a key and driving to New Mexico this afternoon.  I am at the office listening to the rain hitting the ac unit housing and wondering if there is any way I can make myself go home today.  I am so very angry at everyone.

I walked the dog, he collapsed from heat, but made it home.  Afterwards I let him jump in the pool and I swam just 500 yards only to cool down.  The first session of the icap thing went as well as can be expected, I slumped through the work as I had no motivation.  I have some repairs to do at the office.

My life is not particularly pleasant, but that doesn't mean its ugly.  This is a picture from the very hot walk, far in the distance is the waterfall.

7,11,22 an odd collection of numbers

 171.6

Slept very late but was up 12 or more times.  Assume the two are related, water loss; still only 1.6 lbs from target weight, i could hit it if i fasted as i ate normally, maybe even a little heavily yesterday.  maybe it was the ice cream, i ate a large bowl, larger than was good for me i think to empty the container.  felt very guilty afterwards, but it did motivate me to complete my stairs.  however it is monday so everything goes back to zero.  It is supposed to be a rainy week with something in the gulf, but it is sunny thiss morning.  weird to wake up to sunlight.

My subconscious violently attacked your memory lastnight, very strange.  Perhaps it thinks i cannot take care of myself.  Perhaps it is right.

It is late in the afternoon. Much work, mostly housekeeping, done today.  Not much on the patent or book, but I had a large amount of junk to move off the desk and I made significant headway.

I rode my bike to work this morning, very pleasant, was so hot I was almost sick on the way back.

Lightening and rain monsoon. Now I  can't keep the pool drained.  The chemicals were balanced before this. 

It's almost cold after that absurdly hot bike ride. I wish we could talk about the book I'm reading. Or the rain. Or anything. Maybe my subconscious is right. 

7.10.22

5am, dark and stormy.

I have been drinking filtered water mostly for the lasts couple of years, only to find out last week that the water in most of the country and definitely in Mobile is filled with PFAs, forever chemicals that kill us.

Then theee was this article which basically says dont worry about the PFAs, the weed killers will kill you first: The Guardian US: ‘Disturbing’: weedkiller ingredient tied to cancer found in 80% of US urine samples. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jul/09/weedkiller-glyphosate-cdc-study-urine-samples

I ordered a better water filtering system, I will post a link, for a product that supposdly filters pfas out although restaurant ice and food which undoubted already has this stuff in it means that I am just putting off the inevitable.  

This should probably go into my science article list, but one more reason I am right and we are just characters in a video game designed to keep me from what I want:

Phys.org: Dark matter: Our review suggests it's time to ditch it in favor of a new theory of gravity.

https://phys.org/news/2022-07-dark-ditch-favor-theory-gravity.html

ScienceAlert: A Disturbing Shift Has Affected Earth's Delicate Energy Balance, Scientists Report.

https://www.sciencealert.com/we-ve-completely-imbalanced-earth-s-energy-cycle-shunting-most-of-it-into-the-oceans

it is strange how much i seem to be in the wrong place at the right time.

There are so many times in the day that i miss the voices and touches from the past.  I am more alive in those memories than I am in the present where I am not sure I am a live at all, although....

i swam 2000 yrds with 400 ims for the 1000; then as it was clouding up and after dinner walked 2.8 miles, turning back a little early because of thundeer.  by 2:30, perhaps a half hour or slightly more after i got back it was lightening and rain in earnest so i am glad i handled that as i did even if the walk was a little short.

I am not having bad inner ear problems this weekend.  Of course they can start any time.  I dozed yesterday afternoon, not so strange after the exercise, the rain where my memories are held captive, the early waking.

I feel good this morning despite all of that.  I slept till almost 5, the rain cloudsseem to be moving on as the sun arisses, the pool chemicals are all out of whack I am sure, buti was worried a few weeks ago that I would have to fill it with city water, now there is way too much.

The storm yesterday turned me back at the 1.4 mile mark, but today I will walk again and maybe I can see more of the inevitable flooding.

I am going to take a break to put the last few drops of coffee in my cup and eat, it is not quite light or darkyet, but I think I can take amoment off from guardingtheyard which likely is only putting off the inevitable anyway.

So I priced the fence project including buying 3 hundred dollars in reusable equipment to make it go easier at aroud 1700 with a 20% contingency.

I set up the install for the water purifier, i walked the dog, I took care of the calendar for next week and cleared off most of the mails. then swam 1400 (800 im) just to cool off and installed the water purifier, no leaks.  This is because of the pfa/weed killer in everybody.  It is  going to be something of a nuisance, because it is a sink, not a whole house unit, but it needed to be done as an interim measure and dont even think i dont want to install one at your house.

I think i am on top of most things for next week which will be crazy busy despite what i have set up and i still have the book to finish and the next provisional although my sense of urgency is not as large as it should be.

It is 345 on sunday.  A lot has been done today a lot remains to be done.

I am irritated with this illusion.

7.9.22

 430, i was awoken to base equations and dreams of looking for something lost with my dear, ailing friend, a strange combination of mathematics and nightmare.  I might have been able to go to sleep and finish the nightmare, but i had to write down the mathematics, because it might be the thing i am looking for.

I may have stepped over the line this past week, it is a very emotional time of the year and even if it was not, these feelings which i should keep to myself, or abandon completely are stronger than you can imagine; unless you have them yourself.  I have some stuff to deal with.

No sign of light this morning, stars and a cat howling to get out so i went outside and sprayed the yard like some witch doctor having a large screwdriver so i could throw something in case i saw a coyote.  The cat has stayed on teh deck so far, i am out in the heat with it.

I have to make a list of power companies and add it to my other lists.  With the internet this is pretty easy and getting a top or bottom or middle 40 wont be a challenge, but I am typing on my pad, so doing the reseach now is out of the question given my eyesight. Public relations, quality control, management, who to reach out to is the bigger question.  And speaking of questions, i need more of those.  I really am making progress, I am one grant short of having a reprieve of sorts and teh people I am working with right now are the right people.  If i could save the world for...well that way takes me down that road we have already gone too far down this week.

I get a lot of done in these early mornings.  I have come back to this.  No light at tthe top of the trees, but there are pink clouds in a bluish sky now.  I ate cereal and i am close to the bottom of my cup of now lukewarm coffee.  it will not get cold out here.

Speaking of computers, i guess yesterday was officially a week after I mailed it off, Tuesday will be a week after it arrived (overnight with the 4th of july w/e).  There are problems, maybe they did not have a keyboard or pad in stock, but details are scanty.  I have a pretty good backup system, 3 screens and 90% of the software I need and about the same speeds; but it would be nice to use the laptop up here.  I may keep the backup system as the primary even though it is a little slower so that I can use the laptop as a laptop.  That assumes it will come back working.  I spilled coffee on it and I let them know this when I filed the claim but they still maysay it is not covered, i do not have a copy of the warranty and i am surprised it even exists.

I assume next week, supply chain issues notwithstanding, I will have more information, if I have the unit itself, so much the better.  I have to return the fencing I bought, a problem that I have to deal with this morning. I would be willing to take a store credit for it.  There is more brickwork to deal with, epoxy issues, etc.  I did use the 3M stuff (probably 40 or 50 years old) to do some additional repairs that superglue did not work on.  This is truely a miraculous chemical, I will put it in here.  super weatherstrip and gasket adhesive (wonderful name).  I wonder if time is part of the magic, it is barely usable in its current form and viscosity, but it does a job of holding stuff together which is extraordinary.  It was a very weird thing to pull out of the toolbox and was not supposed to even work or be usable, but there it is.  I need some brown touch up paint, of course, for the car, but the car is a mess anyway.  It is full light now, I think I can go in.

another year, still in a prison of my own making.

7.8.22

 The novel length posts are a way to avoid the press of work.  It is 430am.  I slept well till 4 but there was no use trying to go back to sleep when i woke up.  I am outside again, still dark, but with signs of dawn in the sky, i sprayed the back yard with amonia so i could let the cats out.

it is so humid outside my screen is covered with condensation. That hairline crack had best be in the screenprotector.

After allthe exercise yesterday, i was almost asleep by 230, but i forced myself up because i had too much to do.

It has been a hard year since you left me.  You were supposed to be the reward for abandoning my other life for this science project which weighs so heavily on me and seems to accomplish so little other than to destroy the magic of the universe i grew up with and explain stupidity of men with such precision.

It has devolved into that, how do I save the world all by myself, how do I sleep at night knowing you will never be beside me again. Obviously, the answer is that I don't.

Those solar picnic tables a few posts back, the idea for you, are charging stations. I thought they might have fans in them, also a good idea but it would be harder for them to fold down.

I  am overwhelmed by the responsibility this science carries with it. I would explode if I couldn't talk to you and I can't so I carry out this insane one way conversation that gets me nowhere. I have much to do yet, it never gets smaller or finishes it just grows bigger and more complex, the hydra.

Funny graphic (ww2 Maus tank).  (the commentary comes from the writer, not me).

Big enough that you could fit a strip club in. That’s for sure.

7.7.22

 Under pressure:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEU-7uga_4A

I originally heard this while I was last in the desert, under the desert skies and posed to cross a bridge that was destroyed, possibly by accident.

Does nothing make me happy?  No.  I have largely fixed my finances for the moment,  i have what i would suppose is the most important work possible, I'm in 2 programs to monetize it although there is much to be said above being too far from that destination and the solutions though apparent are amorphous, but what i would not give for a moments peace with you. 

I don't want anything from you. Not entirely true. Let's say I don't wasn't you to feel you owe me anything like what I owe you, payback is a self fulfilling thing in this case and there's a constant flood of worrisome news and I have to deal with it because none other can and ib don't know how myself except in the most vague and unsatisfying way.

How different things could have been. 

It is 550.  Light enough to sit outside, although i am dizzy, the humidity has fogged the screen.  I cannot go in, because I am a deterrent to coyotes.  It is a free steam bath, i suppose.  The pool looks ok, the permanent sstains that will need tobe painted are hardto see from this angle and distance with my glasses off, but I know they are there and I have to brush the  pool today and recheck the chemicals after all of the rain and on and on; but I am swimming around 5 days a week, even with other exercise so it is well worth it and perhaps the sale will happen or I will paint it this winter.

My temporary computer setup is working well.  Far from ideal and I had to buy some interim software which did not costs much and has not been used much.  There was some delay in repairing the computer, perhaps the keyboard and pad are on backorder.  There are supply chain issues and this was an old machine with a long warranty weirdly enough.  At first I had an update which was that it was received, then something vague about a delay, then silence.  That being said, it is only Thursday and it only arrived Tuesday even thought it was overnighted on Friday so there are not serious time problems and the temporary setup can be used indefinitely and even modified to work better if it comes to that.

I have the office setup also which is fully functional.

No word on the foreign thing despite a couple of calls.

No word on the grants although any day that notice for better or worse will come.  I bit the bullett and I have until Oct 1 anyway.  Today is the supposed day of the fence delivery.  That is something to consider.  That should help the sale substantially although I was told yesterday to sell it for the offer.  Not sure that isn't some inside job thing, but I have a few days beffore I have to worry about that.  I did not spray yesterday with amonia so i am even more nervous about that. NM is still available and if the grant comes through that will be important, but I cannot think that way, it leads to madness, but between the computer coming back fixed (theoretically) and the new alarm system, it happens.

That reminds me, I have to fix up my office.  The high quote is 10k even with discounts.  I hope to cut that in half by doing some temporary things, but there is totally rotten wood, serious roof problems including leaks (maybe part of that was fixed, I don't know for sure and even siding problems although I think there are temporary fixes for those things.  Then the entire building needs be painted except the part with siding which fortunately is a lot of it.  Any color suggestions?  Once that is done I can sell it, although I am hesitant.  I do have the temporary mail solution I put in place in case I was in the 2 year program in NM, but i have not pulled the trigger and the sale could happen faster than I planned.  The land, that has not sold yet.  It is very frustrating and I think it is probably time to cut it again, once a month and I think  the last cut was in June.  That was/is a big part of the plan, but so is the grant.

The icap program, well i am formally in that.   I have been working hard on this weird blackhole thing for that.  I remain skeptical, not understanding it fully, not knowing exactly what i hope to accomplish there or if it can be done.  It is what I spent most of the non-seminar time on yesterday.  There is a long patent to file which I cleaned up some, but still has a long way to go.  It will also require combining two.  I really need help before that happens.  No word on the response, I made towo calls to check on it.  Things seem to be "ok" on the priority issue now.  It is weird to have these two parts at two different places, but I believe it is ok and have good reason for that belief.

The war drags on, rendering my problems trivial, except that I have to save the world that allows these things to happen; a very weird feeling to have even if I am insane which is unlikely because, well the math is in front of me and no one has found a hole in it yet.

I have been out here for a while, finished almost half of my coffee, no signs of bad life.  I am going to eat then head into work.

It is 1:00.  I rode my bike to work, got home and swam 1500 yds, did 1000 im (200s this time) without really intending to do so, just trying to cool off from the ride.  It started to rain almost right at 1, going from a hot sunny ride home to a sunny swim to moderate rain in a couple of hours.  It's ok, I'm not doing anything energetic on purpose the rest of the day.  got 86 im in today, 240 for the week and its only Thursday.  My watch is recharging.

Only 7:50 of sleep, still had a lot of inner ear problems, the bike ride was like being on mild acid, but with heat on the way back.  was cool on the way out. 

I'm in a seminar on the open topic grant stuff.  was good and the rain outside the window was relaxing.  15 different exercises in last 7 days.

7.6.22

 As I said, yesterdays post was posted some time ago.  If you didnt see it, it is not through any fault of mine and I said what I wished to say in it and not as much as I would have liked, but some things can be expressed in few words.  There are so many words.

I spent too many years loving and now I  don't know how to desire anyone else,  particularly anyone so unsuited to me. It is irritating and makes me unfair and unfaithful. And yesterday, my feelings hurt?  It seems (is) self centered, especially because i don't know what you experienced.  Anyway, I was depressed, in bed by 8, but not before resurrecting a critical aspect of time and updating it however nuanced.

Let me get to positive news from yesterday: My computer arrived to get repaired under warranty.   That's a big plus.  They did say it would not be sent back right away with some weird, vague commentary; but I suspect that supply chain issues, especially for such an old computer might be an issue.  Still can't believe I had that long warranty on it.  The pool is clear even though it was a little too stormy to swim in yesterday, the water is up high and i haven't had to fill it except one short time early in the summer from a hose.  I will, in the not too distant future, have to drain, sand, patch and paint it; but that is a winter job even though it will steadily get worse this summer.

Yesterday I rode my bike to work, then the skies opened up so i rode back at mid day during a break and at the next one walked the dog 3 miles in crushing humidity and still, somehow did not round out the weeks worth of im (150); but very close to that for a tuesday and over the last 7 days I have 15 workouts and yesterday got some sort of badge for hitting my steps so many days in a row, confusing to some extent after last summer, but i know not the way of the watch and the rides to my office and back are a cheat after a fashion although I think it is good for me.

I would like to check my weight, but not sure about tomorrow.

I have a number of things to cover here, the solution (temporary) to global warming, the stuff on time that I spent today working out for the millionth time but getting more accurate on each repetition I suppose.  So much to do yet, much that was taken and put on the calendar to deal with later.  It is a busy time and more work was assigned to me yesterday.

Today's calendar is crowded and beginning to ping me even though it is only7:15 so I will post this and perhaps come back later.

I am definitely not ready for the seminar this afternoon.  It starts in 4 minutes.  Have near hallucination level inner ear problems, no surprise since I slept over 9 hours.  That is what I get for getting exhausted.  I have 5000 dollars worth of work which will likely cost me twice that.

7.4.22

 Happy 4th of July.

I did not get much done over the w/e, not getting close to doing what i need to do or planned or hoped.

I did a fairly easy exercise, 30 min of eliptical and 1200 yards as an easy swim just beffore i took a shower.  Between the two I did stretches to alieveiate some twinges brought on by the unusual exercise (I dont do much eliptical, but was tired of the heat and humidity and it is an easy, mindless full body workout).  Usually I can place the right twinge spot and I did not see anything specific but it feels better.

I am back to zero im for the week as it is monday even though the weekend went by so fast.  I have slept well for the past 3 days.

I was beginnig to relax after the exercise, but that is a time when I miss you toomuch to explain.

Big Think: What is time? It dominates our lives, but we cannot define it.

https://bigthink.com/13-8/what-is-time-2/

I define all of these mysteries, what will happen next.  Time is not my friend, there are weeks, not months before the next steps and while July remains possible, it may well not be.

It is supposed to rain later, the humidity this morning made it feel like walking in hot water.  I plan to walk around 10 or 11 just before rains are predicted to take advantage of the shade and winds i hope will be there.  I will come back to this later, I think.  Today is the last day to try to catch up with things that needed to be done this w/e but whether it will be done or not remains to be seen.

I finished waking by 9, starting sooner than I had planned. 3 miles only earned me 50im but it included my steps of not stairs and I can Have or not the outdoors the rest of the day. 

I made some fast guac to go with lunch, can say i was impressed with it, but the avocado was not wasted.  Still a little hungry.  Getting fat.

I am going to get fat, but it is thundering so i am not swimming any time soon.  Its also still hot and muggy, no rain, just heat so far, the map of the weather looks like a table with yellow jig saw puzzle scattered over it.  Somehow, none of those pieces are over me.

Tomorrow's post has already been posted and will be read when if ever it is read and I hope it entertains and carries with it a little of how I feel and what I miss. 

The storms and little work I have done made this a boring day, the senseless gun violence makes it awful, the separation unbearable. 

The ghost that lives in photography

7.3.22

 U r not real.  i am hardly real myself.  the real you is embittered, at least towards me, unforgiving, short.  I write to a yo who doesnt exist except in my mind.  a patient, ok perhaps too patient, you; or maybe a you who was there before i crossed a line.

the illusion that i live in is not just about you, it is an illusion that is so emcompassing i could wake in a void one day without even earth beneath my feet and not be too surprised.  Certainly what i call my work and what is belittled by those around me, is half certainty and half fantasy, crucial to save a world that cannot save itself and possibly unable to be used for the purpose intended.

The Debrief: Mind-Bending Physics Reveals Electrons Travel in "Lanes" While Moving Along Quantum Wires.

https://thedebrief.org/mind-bending-physics-reveals-electrons-travel-in-lanes-while-moving-along-quantum-wires/

That nonsense article shows what is wrong because it misses the pretime elements which are the fast lane part and the assembled elements which are slowed as well as folding and unfolding and shows me that i am right and not insane unless i am am and am not.  how long till someone takes my work and calls it their own merely changing the names of things to suit their prejudices.

But we were talking about you who is pleased that I write to you every day, not aggravated; not the you that exists outside of my blog.  I know of a story of a crazy stalker, does not matter if it is true or not, i wonder how different this is, who is crazy and who is not.

It is so incredibly muggy.  I have been impatient but unwilling to get out in the heat and humidity for long, so i brushed the pool, a checked for chemicals, and looked for things to putter into around the house, failing woodwork falling victim to the constant strains of moisture and heat.  The air condition is barely on, but the windows are opaque with condensation.

I have started writing claims so I can organize the disclosure around them, but they are weak and confused.  Enough for a provisional, but nothing more.  The July grant will likely not come and when it does not i will be left without the runway i need, but progress is being made and perhaps the answer to all of this is that our love must be strong enough to save the world.

Others complain that the affection is not there, not understanding that your illusion jealously guards it, so there is nothing for them.  I cling to the illusion and there is nothing behind it, i grasp a wisp of smoke to keep from falling into oblivion.

Tomorrow is July the 4th the day after the 5th.

This is an idea for you I'll deal with it later. The real you. 

7.2.22

 Saturday. Slept better last night.  Suppose i was exhausted.

I havent taken any time yet to look at the weekend schedule. I rearranged my displays to work on the patent and the book together; but the patent needs a lot of work because of the modifications to deal with this new climate control model.  

I am missing the cad program although even with the holiday i feel like i will have it by mid july when the next round of grants come due and i still have it at the office whenever i really need it.  The version I downloaded would likely due, although functionality is reduced and unfamililary limits its usefulllness.  The idea of resorting to pen and paper is also worth considering; but scale issues bother me.

There is also pure mathematics, also an issue.

I am looking at the end of July already.  Sometime this month the announcementi hope for and dread is coming. The larger question looms quietly and it seems like some decision should be there.  I got mentioned in an article and i need to look at it.  What could that possibly be, i wonder.

I wonder what you are doing.  I mentioned this is a boring weekend for me. I am considering go to the gym, wondering about what i am going to eat, trying to decide whether to focus on the patent or the book.  Nothing of consequence despite the consequential nature of things.

I ate another donut!  

I heated it for 15 seconds in the microwave and it was like new, but another donut?

I was forced to be in hot humid conditions with other people, not for any length of time but just in passing, so when i got home i got in the recently shocked pool and swam  I figured out the difference and the 30 strong versions (60 total strokes of im) come out to be 500(s) so two of those are 1000 yards im, not too shabby.  I ended up swimming 1600 yds which gave me a decent workout  (did 2 of the 30SV), a minimum but all i had in me and better than the 750 that i finished the day off yesterday (2 bike rides, a 2 mile walk and the 750) at least for swimming although I doubt i will get my steps in even though there are a pretty minimal number left.  wait a second...1800 left, i would guess that is a half or maybe a quarter mile so who knows, but i doubt it.

Anyway, the chlorinated water and air hopefully purified whatever corona virus i may have been exponsed to and it will likely be helpful when i try to sleep later.  For now, I am tired, sort of relaxed, clean and ready to send this to you.

I suspect if all went well my computer arrived at the shop today where it will likely sit till tuesday, but it remains  possible that late next week i might get it back although i have a good setup as I mentioned.

I will post this, likely to come back later.   I did not hesitate to send that, by the way; although I thought a lot about it before i arrived at that decision that i should no hesitate, but i have thoughts; but i cannot help but wonder once the computer comes back whether i should go to nm and what it would mean. A lot will happen in the interim.

7/1/22

 I have not forgotten anything, except that everything around you is a haze.  I attribute it to some form of senility tied to stress rather than any special magic about you, but who knows?

At 530 i had done a lot, coffee, pets, house security, breakfast and notes on the things that woke me up this morning.

Freethink: MIT proposes Brazil-sized fleet of “space bubbles” to cool the Earth. https://www.freethink.com/environment/solar-geoengineering-space-bubbles

I suppose the use of space bubbles as opposed to other shades (I used organic ones in Notes from Venus) applies as a competitor.  A relatively goofy competitor, but still a competitor.  Why do I have to be so much smarter than MIT?

I said we stopped because you could not be forgiving and I could not change how I feel nor change my life.  I could have, perhaps you could have, but I assume whatever you do it is the right thing, it is the standard by which I judge all things, including myself.  I come out pretty badly in the judging.

I once again worked through what I hope was a successful response to things, starting yesterday and finishing this morning before 9.

Rode to the office and back, riding towards some threatening clouds on the way back which made a little noise, but not much rain.  I'll probably be able to swim again if I want to swim 3 days in a row.  I ate the leftover spaghetti which was still pretty terrible and a salad which came from questionable lettuce, but I'm not dead yet.

I need to be editing the NPTE, but my eyes hurt and I'm not quite up to the new computer set up.  I also don't have a good cad program here; although in truth, not being able to edit the drawings would speed things up.  i've made a lot of progress in the next patent; but I'm not rushing it even though I originally wanted to file it 15 days ago.  Too much other patent work to do.

I would very much like to have something fun planned.  I suppose if the grant comes through when my computer comes back I will head to New Mexico if that's possible.  I'll know his month, how strange is that?  

I slept only 5 hours according to my watch.  I feel it now but I can't sleep even normally relaxing noises bother me.  It's not supposed to rain but the weather is too menacing to swim yet.  Thunder questions the low percentage of atoms and the details day rain is likely in 15 minutes despite the low odds.

I have made substantial progress on rough design modeling for the climate control and now energy generation.  It is little wonder that i cannot sleep as small pieces fall into place or at least in my mind.

I gave up even laying down, walked the dog which  was not too hot but the humidity left me drenched and it was hot enough so i swam 800 yds, just 400 im, it was very much just to rinse of the sweat from riding, walking and just being in the humidity but i feel relaxed if not sleepy, my mind not racing as much.  I shut down the computer so i wont be tempted to work.  I  would like to type here for a while, but it gets lonely and frustrating.