7.7.22

 Under pressure:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEU-7uga_4A

I originally heard this while I was last in the desert, under the desert skies and posed to cross a bridge that was destroyed, possibly by accident.

Does nothing make me happy?  No.  I have largely fixed my finances for the moment,  i have what i would suppose is the most important work possible, I'm in 2 programs to monetize it although there is much to be said above being too far from that destination and the solutions though apparent are amorphous, but what i would not give for a moments peace with you. 

I don't want anything from you. Not entirely true. Let's say I don't wasn't you to feel you owe me anything like what I owe you, payback is a self fulfilling thing in this case and there's a constant flood of worrisome news and I have to deal with it because none other can and ib don't know how myself except in the most vague and unsatisfying way.

How different things could have been. 

It is 550.  Light enough to sit outside, although i am dizzy, the humidity has fogged the screen.  I cannot go in, because I am a deterrent to coyotes.  It is a free steam bath, i suppose.  The pool looks ok, the permanent sstains that will need tobe painted are hardto see from this angle and distance with my glasses off, but I know they are there and I have to brush the  pool today and recheck the chemicals after all of the rain and on and on; but I am swimming around 5 days a week, even with other exercise so it is well worth it and perhaps the sale will happen or I will paint it this winter.

My temporary computer setup is working well.  Far from ideal and I had to buy some interim software which did not costs much and has not been used much.  There was some delay in repairing the computer, perhaps the keyboard and pad are on backorder.  There are supply chain issues and this was an old machine with a long warranty weirdly enough.  At first I had an update which was that it was received, then something vague about a delay, then silence.  That being said, it is only Thursday and it only arrived Tuesday even thought it was overnighted on Friday so there are not serious time problems and the temporary setup can be used indefinitely and even modified to work better if it comes to that.

I have the office setup also which is fully functional.

No word on the foreign thing despite a couple of calls.

No word on the grants although any day that notice for better or worse will come.  I bit the bullett and I have until Oct 1 anyway.  Today is the supposed day of the fence delivery.  That is something to consider.  That should help the sale substantially although I was told yesterday to sell it for the offer.  Not sure that isn't some inside job thing, but I have a few days beffore I have to worry about that.  I did not spray yesterday with amonia so i am even more nervous about that. NM is still available and if the grant comes through that will be important, but I cannot think that way, it leads to madness, but between the computer coming back fixed (theoretically) and the new alarm system, it happens.

That reminds me, I have to fix up my office.  The high quote is 10k even with discounts.  I hope to cut that in half by doing some temporary things, but there is totally rotten wood, serious roof problems including leaks (maybe part of that was fixed, I don't know for sure and even siding problems although I think there are temporary fixes for those things.  Then the entire building needs be painted except the part with siding which fortunately is a lot of it.  Any color suggestions?  Once that is done I can sell it, although I am hesitant.  I do have the temporary mail solution I put in place in case I was in the 2 year program in NM, but i have not pulled the trigger and the sale could happen faster than I planned.  The land, that has not sold yet.  It is very frustrating and I think it is probably time to cut it again, once a month and I think  the last cut was in June.  That was/is a big part of the plan, but so is the grant.

The icap program, well i am formally in that.   I have been working hard on this weird blackhole thing for that.  I remain skeptical, not understanding it fully, not knowing exactly what i hope to accomplish there or if it can be done.  It is what I spent most of the non-seminar time on yesterday.  There is a long patent to file which I cleaned up some, but still has a long way to go.  It will also require combining two.  I really need help before that happens.  No word on the response, I made towo calls to check on it.  Things seem to be "ok" on the priority issue now.  It is weird to have these two parts at two different places, but I believe it is ok and have good reason for that belief.

The war drags on, rendering my problems trivial, except that I have to save the world that allows these things to happen; a very weird feeling to have even if I am insane which is unlikely because, well the math is in front of me and no one has found a hole in it yet.

I have been out here for a while, finished almost half of my coffee, no signs of bad life.  I am going to eat then head into work.

It is 1:00.  I rode my bike to work, got home and swam 1500 yds, did 1000 im (200s this time) without really intending to do so, just trying to cool off from the ride.  It started to rain almost right at 1, going from a hot sunny ride home to a sunny swim to moderate rain in a couple of hours.  It's ok, I'm not doing anything energetic on purpose the rest of the day.  got 86 im in today, 240 for the week and its only Thursday.  My watch is recharging.

Only 7:50 of sleep, still had a lot of inner ear problems, the bike ride was like being on mild acid, but with heat on the way back.  was cool on the way out. 

I'm in a seminar on the open topic grant stuff.  was good and the rain outside the window was relaxing.  15 different exercises in last 7 days.