7.3.22

 U r not real.  i am hardly real myself.  the real you is embittered, at least towards me, unforgiving, short.  I write to a yo who doesnt exist except in my mind.  a patient, ok perhaps too patient, you; or maybe a you who was there before i crossed a line.

the illusion that i live in is not just about you, it is an illusion that is so emcompassing i could wake in a void one day without even earth beneath my feet and not be too surprised.  Certainly what i call my work and what is belittled by those around me, is half certainty and half fantasy, crucial to save a world that cannot save itself and possibly unable to be used for the purpose intended.

The Debrief: Mind-Bending Physics Reveals Electrons Travel in "Lanes" While Moving Along Quantum Wires.

https://thedebrief.org/mind-bending-physics-reveals-electrons-travel-in-lanes-while-moving-along-quantum-wires/

That nonsense article shows what is wrong because it misses the pretime elements which are the fast lane part and the assembled elements which are slowed as well as folding and unfolding and shows me that i am right and not insane unless i am am and am not.  how long till someone takes my work and calls it their own merely changing the names of things to suit their prejudices.

But we were talking about you who is pleased that I write to you every day, not aggravated; not the you that exists outside of my blog.  I know of a story of a crazy stalker, does not matter if it is true or not, i wonder how different this is, who is crazy and who is not.

It is so incredibly muggy.  I have been impatient but unwilling to get out in the heat and humidity for long, so i brushed the pool, a checked for chemicals, and looked for things to putter into around the house, failing woodwork falling victim to the constant strains of moisture and heat.  The air condition is barely on, but the windows are opaque with condensation.

I have started writing claims so I can organize the disclosure around them, but they are weak and confused.  Enough for a provisional, but nothing more.  The July grant will likely not come and when it does not i will be left without the runway i need, but progress is being made and perhaps the answer to all of this is that our love must be strong enough to save the world.

Others complain that the affection is not there, not understanding that your illusion jealously guards it, so there is nothing for them.  I cling to the illusion and there is nothing behind it, i grasp a wisp of smoke to keep from falling into oblivion.

Tomorrow is July the 4th the day after the 5th.

This is an idea for you I'll deal with it later. The real you.