7/13/22

 Beware the ides of July.

I'm calmer.  Everyone has disappointed me and I am exhausted from meetings and I need to swim soon.

Out of the pool for only 10 minutes and it is pouring and lightening despite the forcast to the contrary.  I did 3600 and even an extra 100 im,  but the last of it was fast because the weather was threatening in a very big way despite the promised good weather.

Happy I trusted my instincts although without you, eh.   It is coming down in buckets.

I do not have any idea what i am doing or what is happening.  I am glad i swam, but i am getting no relief from it, i can only imagine what it would be like if i had not swam.

I drank a little wine last night and that seemed to help, i was almost shaking last night.

The sun came out, as if that absurd storm had not even existed.  The weather here is so weird.

It is later now, almosts 7.  I finished all of the project i had today, somehow screwed up a seminar i intended to attend, no reply to the 4 emails i sent on the fema case, 5 maybe.  have no idea what is happening there. people used to reply to emails pretty quick.  I will send another 5 next week, i suppose.

I am overwhelmed by things, patent responses, grant applications pending and underway, the three programs, two for grants one to get ready for funding, the research on diverting the magnetosphere, how weird it is for me to be doing something like that.  The next hard deadline which i should be able to deal with since i am well under way is 8.9.22 and between now and then I will likely file the next provisional and likely find out the verdict on the one remaining doe grant from last year.

I suppose the shock if it was not rejected would kill me, still very frustrating.  The NSF one languishes for reasons unknown.  Likely they could find nothing wrong with it so they cannot reject it so they merely ignore ituntil  they can based on teh passage of time instead of the passage of logic.

I was not killed swimming, nothing has blown up in my face except you, i have my life in order and while these property sales have not happened, the temporary repairs at my office are just in time for the rainy season, not quite too late although late enough.

Ten years ago things were wonderful but they were also terrible.  Today things are terrible, but they could be wonderful.  I hope you are happy and i hope you are as miserable without me as i am without you.  How odd life is, to give gifts of insight to those who do not deserve and to blind those who do.