7.15.22

News of the day...sometimes I could explode with the need to talk about the news of the day, but I cannot so perhaps I will explode.

I fell asleep early last night, i was reading and was suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion, I woke thinking that even if you had come to me in NM that it would have exposed the problems we have instead of being something that solved them; but I could not make myself believe it would have been a bad idea even then for every relationship has its problems.  In the end, according to my watch, I only slept for 6 hours and 15 minutes.

In the middle I had dreams that showed my frustration with things here, the unfairness of what i have to deal with, my responsibility for it and then one of those horrible legal dreams where I have a case that needs to be continued and the time for doing it has passed, so real in the night and something of a relief for me in the morning till i remember that i still need long term funding and acceptance, that i still need to work out answers which very likely are necessary to save the world and the dreams that come with that of a world where I cannot do it in time where the survivors have to relearn how to live without the comforts that make life bearable, like the ability to reach out to you even though I know you are not there.

I wait and I work.  My computer has been deemed unrepairable by asurion which is just their way of saying they could not find a keyboard for it.  I have a small refund, not enough to upgrade or fully replace even the software so I am trying to get it back and maybe even after that I will buy another one; but it will be later today or next week before i know if that is possible.   It is interesting that the refund does not include the money for the warranty, whatever that cost.  Nor can i get a comparable unit even ignoring the software issues.  Interesting that the refund comes as an amazon gift card.

Even so, my options were limited and at least I have the temporary setup which has proved adequate for most of my needs although it is at the limits of its windows 10 capabilities, often painfully slow.  Edit: My call to have it returned remains unanswered even though it is now late in the day.

I am wearing an old pair of glasses this morning, they are scratched although not badly.  I suppose with my eyes, the scratches barely affect the cataracts that I am told could be removed and give me a lot of clarity in my vision.  Not yet.

Today I have a number of appointments and meetings.  I woke at 520 and have already done a lot.  The coffee tastes particularly good this morning so far, it may turn bitter as do many things in life.  It is still before 630 though I brushed the pool (to scare off coyotes) and fed everyone and ate myself; but soon enough it will be time to get ready for the work that is coming today.

I walked the dog to my office, it was fairly cool till the end when the sun was out and it was almost too hot.  It clouded up, but now it is clear again, but I've done enough today, my stomach hurts and I can swim tomorrow if at all.

I finally got around to enlisting some help on two fairly large matters and I am happy to have also prepared and sent off the associated paperwork.  Nothing may come of it, but it is a start to both items.

The lack of sleep has caught up with me.  I am tired, hungry and uncertain about the future.