Time 10/19/25

 It is almost "time" to get to modern underpinnings, not to say origins of Fractal Information Physics. Those things are iterated equations (fractal math) and Information physics (think simulation theory).

These are not the origins because those were Einstein and the close relative of simulation theory, hologram theory. Hence, many years ago there was a book, "The Einstein Hologram Universe" which would take several years to evolve to Algorithm Universe theory which is the less historical name for Fractal Information Physics.
The key moment of FIP was the recognition that the work followed Parmenides work (Sounds like Xeno's Paradox) which is the seminal work on all of this historically. Some of the other comparisons, "it looks like a bug," for example, being less useful.
The part of Einstein, who took the world of science on an absurdly long detour, was a quote, "The only reason for "time" is so that everything doesn't happen at once," and the questionable speed limit of light which makes little sense and leads to the questions of what is distance and what is "time." The first of these questions having been adequately raised by Parmenides and the second being the source of most of the confusion about how the universe really works and the foundation for breakthroughs like exceeding the speed of light which turns out to be rather trivial in some respects and more difficult in others. What is time? - YouTube https://lnkd.in/e44sk-jc
Isaac Newton was "sort of right," when he said that time was absolute, the same for everyone. Einstein was morbidly wrong about relativistic effects and totally missed what relativity meant leading the science world into a fantasy induced hallucination about how the universe works which lasted for over 100 years and the hallucination exists for everyone who doesn't understand Fractal Information Physics today.
In fact, the youtube video embodies both the current state (pre FIP state) of physics and all of the misunderstandings of time which can be summarized in the lines "the speed of light is the same for all observers" while "'time' is not the same for all observers." These are sort of true, but only if you accept time as something absolute, which it is not. This is because of another misguided quote, "'space and 'time' are basically the same thing," which is the most incorrect quote of all and the source of all the confusion, although it does raise the all-important question, what is space, which brings us back to Parmenides again who held up a lantern and pointed the way out of the burning building. All of humanity, in their typical fashion, went in the opposite direction, occasionally drifting in the right direction, but ultimately going off a cliff following Einstein who saw what others were missing, but failed to heed the wisdom of the Greeks.

The linked in posts 92525 History

 There are two current historical foundations on which the FIP model is built from the 1900’s.  I will get to those in due course.

History remains important to understanding what is happening in the universe. The underlying logic of FIP first appears 2500 years ago in Greece. Parmenides and Xeno and paradox appear around 350 BC.  This is only a decade or two before Alexander marched into Persia.  When one understands how the universe functions, important events like these typically fall together in groups, see the energy of matrices.
The operation of the universe had a philosophical foundation Millenia ago, why was it not properly defined before now? It would be easy (and correct) to say that the evolution of the universe did not want it to be “invented” earlier, but there were no mathematical tools in ancient greece. I could transition to the 1900s here, but that would not give the ancients the credit they deserve.
I have a fiction book playing out in Parmenides' time, his life hanging in the balance for heresy. Speaking of foundations, the first patent on applications of FIP, AI says might be worth trillions of dollars, issued this week. We’ll see how that goes. I digress.
While foggy, there is a relatively clear picture from 350 BC. Less clear is whether there is an earlier origin, perhaps with more math. The existence and meaning of the Swastika from 3000 BC suggest a 5000-year-old recognition in the form of these Indus Civilization spirals (ICS).
The Indus (ancient India) gave us Swastikas, dating 3,000 BCE, 2500 years before the Greek origins of FIP. What did the Indus Valley Civilization know? The 4 arms of the Swastika, at right angles, are said to represent cyclical motion, symbolizing the nature of life, the universe and cosmic order. The right facing version represents the sun, life and positive energy, while the left facing version,sauvastika, represents night, and “the tantric aspects of Kali,” aspects transcending the physical. Goddess Kali embodies time, transformation, the destruction of ego in favor of deeper truths. FIP concepts of compression and decompression are transformation. Time and deeper truths are facets of FIP, the destruction of ego is an unfortunate result.  FIP "MI" overlapping spirals look much like the Indus symbols and the inquiry continues. MI spirals (overlapping Fibonacci spirals) are named for "Indian Method" (MI reflects Fibonacci’s European adjective placement) which is the term used by Fibonacci for the series which originated from the study of Indian mathematical artifacts.
Intriguing connections and their passage through Italy and Germany in relatively recent years are largely lost to time, but we see the connection of events coming up as they did for Parmenides and Alexander). Fibonacci was far before the Nazis if one looks from the 1700’s forward, not so remote from the Nazis if one look from the perspective of the 5000-year-old Indus civilization. The available word count grows short.

Activate to view larger image,

Addressing things

 I am very tired of you breaking things off 

and then blaming it on me.

Does not mean I don;t deserve the blame

I can't say the right thing

or the appropriate thing

I think of graveyard services in the snow

and I just want a picture

Of you

In the snow

 mourning 

and why

it would be so rare 

so so tragic 

I'm not ready to suffer

It's my brother's birthday

among other things

I missed lunch

I'm still not hungry

all nerves

I walked the day before

Today 

an advertised snow storm

the cold kept the golfers away

i had my private park

all to me and the dog

the sky did not hint of the storm coming

it was the bluest

most beautiful sky

it reminded me of your eyes

although not exactly the blue

and not like the sky at all

but a beautiful color

that I don't see enough of

to mourn

Their passing

1.19.25 Sunday

 I do a lot to make something 

that has never worked work.

Mostly it's what I don't do 

that haunts me.

I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight - Tommy Boyce & Bobby Hart - YouTube   I like this version of the video.

My life is confusing

inconsistent

illogical

unreal

to me

I read some poems by Mary Oliver 

in her book devotions

They are not unlike my posts

Better for sure

Bur she doesn't spend as much time

trying to figure out how the universe works

faux spiders and swastikas

or trying to save humanity

with technology

that says there is no reason

or maybe she does

I have no idea

yesterday i found how shocking

a few words can be

but we already know that

j' accuse

that's it

let's try

love

hate

together

apart

did the person 

who invented writing

just want an accounting

the rosetta stone

or was "they"

trying for something else

to capture a moment

a thought

and hold onto it

long enough

to tell someone else

1.4.25 The first Saturday of the year

Really?

You have to be kidding me.

But I shouldn't be surprised

And it really makes no difference

You would be there anyway

All the time

Every day

These hard days

psychologically

financially

medically even

life hangs in the balance

death is stable

the only permanent part of the set

perhaps something will change this year

but nothing changes

Almost, almost this time

I changed things

But to what purpose

What does it matter if

things change

if I am dead

or you are alive

A puzzle with half the pieces missing

may have some value

but it is very different

than the value if it is complete

I work

I wait

I despair

amazed at what is missed

at willful ignorance

at prejudice

pomposity

sitting in shadows

waiting

for a light

or a more complete

darkness

12.28.24 The last Saturday in 2024

 It is the last saturday of the month, of the year.  It could well be the last saturday of time.  But for now it is the last Saturday of 2024.

I did a good turn which was expensive in the only commodity I have. It left me exhausted and there was much of the commodity spent.

I believe that it is too late, but I may be wrong.  You can never tell about these things.  I have trouble believing how much I have spent on others with no return.  It seems to be such a waste.  I do not want a tombstone, but if one is forced on me perhaps it should include the words regret and anger.

I don't know, maybe passion and stupidity too.

Thankfully, I don't want a tombstone, because there would be a wicked mess written on it.  A lot of random words and phrases.  I hate you, i love you should probably be there somewhere.  If everyone is stupid, I suppose that means that I'm stupid too.

Maybe a few equations and something that explains what the equations are all so stupid.  How they anger me.  How I regret the decisions that I blame on the equations.

I am Ozymandias, king of kings, look on my works, you mighty, and despair, I think it goes something like that.  there was a guy who knew how to write a tombstone. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46565/ozymandias

https://youtu.be/aDtbhOXCl1E?si=i1O3wABJKrsziLYW

Christmas Eve 5am

 Urania

That appears to be the Greek muse

I dreamt of you

of being with you

in my dreams 

things were not right

but they were where they had been

I stopped

short of where 

I wanted to go

even in my dreams

I stopped myself

from realizing my dreams

It is dark outside

I lit the tree

to hide my desire

we never had

our tree

our winter vacation

a moment

when it was 

just us

everything vanished

with you

but never

was it gone

oh Urania

how do i live

without you

i have

the greatest purpose

and it means

nothing

love endures

responsibility survives

i wish nothing

the happiness of others

of you

my dreams

tell me 

i am lying

moments

The architect; 12.21.24

Random thoughts in December

it is unseasonably warm

I welcome it

a chance to get in some bike rides

to swim without freezing

at least as much

How meaningless the holidays

without you.

I am busy

There is a project due next week

along with the holiday stuff

which is meaningless

insert without you where appropriate

A meeting I should follow up

where did it go?

lost in the mail

Why was it so good

Was it trust

love

were we right to depend on either one

were we right not to fight more

about what we both knew

was it so wrong to need someone

to need to hear you out

instead of hearing silence

to want to share

life

death

Is it so terribly wrong \

to reach out

to need to reach out

Everything is wrong with this life. 

Too much responsibility.

too little compensation

 Too much knowledge. 

What am i suppose to do with this  

for certainly i feel compelled 

to do something.

 My task seems impossible 

so why give me the knowledge to begin it. 

I will certainly die with it 

unfinished

 so why make me start?

And why should I serve a universe

so cruel

as to hold you in front of me

and deny me you

Kacey Musgraves - The Architect (Official Music Video) - YouTube

12.14.24 Days of Ghosts

I try to forget things

To just enjoy this time

of festive ghosts

who only scare you

to make you better

But the book I am reading 

had to drag everything back

But if it wasn't the book

It would be something

else

Because you

can't kill

Ghosts

a memory is like a ghost

and there are ghosts all around

this time of year

a dead friend's ghost

from a long time ago

one who saw one

of the dumbest things

I'd ever done

and that is saying something

the ghost of christmas past

of christmas yet to come

of this christmas

And what are ghosts

except unfinished dreams

what do we have left

A ghost of a chance?

Things are grim

not the end of the world grim

not we're all ghosts grim

not the christmas yet to come

with all the horrors it promises

But things are tight

a temporary terror

until there is time

for permanent terror

what you left me with

you made me the one

to deal with terror

I don't know what to do

But I need to do something

I can wait

for quite a while i think

for the things coming

the things i cannot stop

things that should happen

scare them away for a moment

but they will come back

I used to be afraid of ghosts

Now I wish i could see them

again

like your ghost

my old ghost

Our ghost

who we were

what we were

instead of

who we are

ghosts in waiting

i am not sure 

there is enough 

of me left

of us left

to make a ghost

and what is our ghost

except an unfinished

something

Something i chase 

with my science

but i can never catch it

something i waited

too long before i needed it

not a dream ghost

despite the noble quest

even if you were in it

it would be better

but its still the same

a nightmare ghost

Enough of that, here is an interesting article

Ghost towns show Greece's battle with falling birth rate, depopulation

IF YOU BUMP INTO YOUR EX? ...SAY THIS... #viral #viralvideo #viralshorts #comedy

12.7.25 Saturday

 I think it is safe to say

that if love dies of neglect

if love cannot endure

a fading light

then our arrangement 

was not love

my longing heart

my teary eyes 

cannot see

how to build a bridge

to separate us for good

or for evil

Holiday joy

winter hush

loves embrace

the fleeting bliss of sex

all gone

nothing left but memory

the burden of knowledge

you saddled me with

you owed it to me

to share the burden 

if not forever

then for better or worse

 it was both

what is hope

for what I don't know

the one thing i could cling to

in the metaphorical storm

that washes away all meaning

is what you left 

you wont come back

there is no reason 

I have no expectations 

and nothing to offer

Delusion is left

And nightmares

occasionally a video 

That make me smile

for lost dreams 

https://youtu.be/ukfNXFgUEiU?si=uAlOFw-4bz54JPSU

A real poem: Original Fire

Leave the dishes.

Let the celery rot in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator and an earthen scum harden on the kitchen floor.

Leave the black crumbs in the bottom of the toaster.

Throwms the cracked bowl out and don't patch the cup.

Don't patch anything. Don't mend. Buy safety pins.

Don't even sew on a button.

Let the wind have its way, then the earth

that invades as dust and then the dead

foaming up in gray rolls underneath the couch.

Talk to them. 

Tell them they are welcome.

Don't keep all the pieces of the puzzles

or the doll's tiny shoes in pairs, don't worry

who uses whose toothbrush or if anything

matches, at all.

Except one word to another.

Or a thought.

Pursue the authentic-decide first

what is authentic, then go after it with all your heart.

Your heart, that place you don't even think of cleaning out.

That closet stuffed with savage mementos.

Don't sort the paper clips from screws from saved baby teeth or worry if we're all eating cereal for dinner again. 

Don't answer the telephone, ever,

or weep over anything at all that breaks.

Pink molds will grow within those sealed cartons

in the refrigerator. 

Accept new forms of life

and talk to the dead who drift in though the screened windows,  who collect patiently on the tops of food jars and books.

Recycle the mail, don't read it, don't read anything

except what destroys the insulation between yourself and your experience

or what pulls down or what strikes at or what shatters this ruse you call necessity. 

~Louise Erdrich, Original Fire

11.23.24 saturday

The unfairness of this

To me

Again a break through

this one ironic

harmony, harmonic

will there be

love after all of this?  

I don't think 

that is the reward.  

for me

I am just doing 

what the universe 

demands of me

demands of us

another realm opens

Another holiday season 

without you

without meaning

my work advances

eviscerates meaning

I know what you have

what i don't deserve

despite myself I want it

a fat man in bathtub with the blues

I understand it all too well

i was in the hot tub tonight

always alone

a gigantic owl haunted the yard

its cries were unearthly 

even for an owl

it made something primitive 

in me fear the unknown

and there is little enough

of that left to me

all the visceral evolution

that cries out for you

i wanted to get out

it was only for a minute

to drain some of the anxiety

of a very long day

another major advance

Harmony, harmonics

in a life with neither

you were harmony

broken is the music

another comic thought

alien communications

i sound insane to myself

but maybe not

what would they say

what are they saying

if it can work

the breakthrough

real, almost obvious 

in hindsight

like needing you

in hindsight

but before i could leave

a couple of calls

one to say things 

were moving forward

a never end road 

ending

the other to ask

how did things go

what am i supposed to do

when so much is going

forward, backwards

better, worse

and all that matters

is you who exists

only in hindsight

11.16.24 Saturday

 I solved the riddle of compression

as a form of resonance

which in turn 

allowed me to solve

the problem presented by small minds

I am truly the genius among mortal men

and yet we don't sleep together every night. 

 How does one explain that?

My model says we are characters

free will as much an illusion

as time

so being a genius

among mortal men

is just being selected

to read the words of the script

written by the math of the universe

who is written by what?

Charles d'Orlean

and of course it was Orlean

something old and something new

wrote these words 

Je suis desja d'amour tanné 

Ma tres doulce Valentinee

Written by a man

separated by prison from his love

I understand his words

I’m already wearied by love, 

my very sweet Valentine

I believe I have written something similar

or been given that part

before of the script

not weary of love

but exhausted of separation

11.9.24 saturday

 It is hard to say much about things in general.

 I will not say anything about politics. 

I don't sleep in the mornings

It has been a long time since I slept

at peace like you

Sometimes it is better, 

sometimes worse

Now it is worse

My days do not go by one mimicking the next.

There should be a rhythm to them, 

but it is a jazz rhythm

it appears chaotic 

though i know a pattern is hiding

if i can just see past the individual days

the noise, loneliness, longing

building to a crescendo

I like to think it ends with recognition

But i know that it ends in darkness

I will not get to see it

even if it is there

perhaps i will hear it

i like to think it ends with you,

i lie to myself 

to give it meaning 

it ends in death alone

perhaps death, alone

I thought about the multiple ways

that you can look at endothermic and exothermic

It woke me up

insisting I write it out

telling me

you can't sleep anyway

you can't hold her

nevermore

the darkness insists

write about fire and ice

The parallels with you, 

the heat, now the cold

intertwined only in our minds

Dancing away from each other

The math coming closer together

Even as we drift farther apart

the science becoming rhythmic

as we descend into chaos

11.2.24 Saturday

 Last night i woke up thinking about you. Then i thought about a deadline and decided to move up dealing with it this weekend so maybe I could sleep.  It's later now, so this whole thread is unstuck.  Everything below was written early and now the sun is setting, although not set for another hour I think.  I rode my bike, took a long backwards (from what I normally do coming back) route and took care of the problem that helped keep me up last night.  4-6 hours of sleep according to my watch.  It took less time that I feared dealing with the problem and I found two places out of 3 where it was pretty important.  I had cleaned my office inside and out and I did some additional cleaning, getting the paperwork organized and mostly off my desk which was nice and gives me a little breathing room with things.  Plus a lot of the vegetation that had taken over the deck is gone now and since they are going to take pictures for insurance, that is a good thing.  I may even go back tomorrow.  Anyway I rode home and it had gotten hot even though it is November, a global warming November.  I walked the dog almost as soon as I had ridden home so I was tired.  I'm still tired.

I saw something somewhere on not giving up on something that you think about every day.  The context is forgotten but when I read it and I think about it now, it seems to be about you more than anything else.  i think about eating every day, but it would not be the same type of thinking unless maybe I had not eaten for several days.  Even starving for a single day would only create a numbness which has long since been replaced with something esoteric and consuming.  Would, if I was starving, think only of the meals I had passed up?  I don't think that is the case.

It is 545am and I've been up long enough to drink coffee, to eat breakfast and to think for a long while on that deadline and you.

Yesterday I rode my bike to work in the morning, early but not absurdly early.  I had a pleasant call which cold develop into something.  I cleaned the office inside and out, at least out in the front, for the first time in a while, leaving it smelling of pine sol and bleach and raked leaves and earth.

After being home for a while, I began to get antsy again and even though I was tired I swam 1500 yards, the pool had actually gone up 2 degrees to 72 so it was not as uncomfortable as it had been yesterday when I swam a little less than 1500 yards.

What am I going to do?  I tell myself that if I could explain things it would be different.  I think that I should have explained things, that you would have understood.  Pah!  You very well might have understood, but you had pointed out a long time ago, there would always be something and so there is and so there was.  I tell my if I can just live till June 7, the day after d-day coincidentally, then there will be nothing else, and I believe it, but I cannot believe that you will wait, that you have waited, that there is any reason for you to wait.  I am trapped here, but I know that alternatives abound outside of the prisons I build for myself.  Even more so without you.  If I could just explain things.  As if there was someone to explain them to.  But that is so ridiculous, because words had become frustrating, you would probably be surprised at how much I was done with words, how much I am still done with them.  I knew what needed to happen.  There are reasons, good reasons.  Reasons you would understand.  Maybe. But the only difference then would be to know that if things were made right, I could eat every day and that is where the logic fails.  If it were an option, would I take it?  I tell myself it is your fault, always running away, never holding tight.  That it was the right thing for me because you could not be depended upon to cling to me.  Who cares?  When you are starving, the only thing that matters is the next meal, not what you will do when it is gone.

Offering you explanations helps me, and I tell myself I love you. I don't love myself.  I have made some bad decisions. It is hard to fathom some of them.  They brought me to right here, right now.  The things I believe are hard to believe.  They defy logic, they are called brilliant one day, preposterous the next.  But the only thing I really believe is that if I was with you, then everything else would not matter.

What could you have done, what could I have done?

https://youtu.be/ftpcloTDU5c?si=QaGnjVDjKiXPZMMp

7.15.23

 This morning it was tropical outside as it often is when the tradewinds of the gulf are blowing and the heat and humitidity find a balance with the breeze.  It made me want to to outside and sit on the viranda or harvest bananas or pinapples or coconuts.  And I wrote this in myhead to you as I often do where I can use all of the words including the magical and harmful words that are not always safe to use in real conversations and mail.

Even in my head to story is one of parallel worlds, a shared childhood separated by the thinnest vineer of distance and circumstance; the rarest of friendships would only come when we were welll set on another parallel path, separated by the inability to communicate over patterns that developed around us, the people who brought us together or forced us apart in equal measure.

I cannot know for certain if this is special or just that spell you cast over everyone around you.  I would like to thinkit was something unique to us, a confirmation of the lost opportunities; but that would diminsh you a little, would say that you cannot bring that to everyone and would glorify my part in it which is the least noble and most selfish part; although I try to make amends to the universe at large or at least our part of it, to bring some little comfort to the dried bones of those children we were never able to have together though I wanted so badly to burden you with them.

I am editing again today, something which has been demanding my attention for some time but which I could not get to.  I am also counting my time and it is not good although it could well change, with medicine, money and the mysery that is you, that was you, perhaps even the could be you; but I think time is running out.  So for the moment, there is the tropical paradize that may vanish when the sun comes up and the work which has to be done and will only vanish when my bones begin to dry out.

3.18.23

 I am parked in front of the Mississippi river.  Not now when you read this, but sometime in the past.

I was here early, of course.  I had no idea where to be or when, so i was early.

I had to go somewhere, to kill a little time.  I could have killed it anywhere, just as it could kill me anywhere were i not already dead, if not  now, then at some point which is certain to be certain.  

This was selfish of me, there were any number of places i coud have gone to this morning, any number of things that i could have done perhaps any number of people who i could be with although there was perhaps only one other and perhaps that option is an illusion.

Who have I not, at one point or another, offeneded.  Even at my best that is a talent which seems to be more sure than the others.

I did not start here, by the river with its tugs and barges and the current which is strong again, afte the drought.  The road dead ended on the far eastern side of the park so i got out to piss on an oak tree.  After all, i solved the space time continuum; i can relieve myself wherever i want on this side of eternity.

I also walked, 3000 steps almost; stretching my legs after the long drive.  I looked at the street names, knowing where each one leads, where all roads in my mind lead.  

I could taste the proimity.  I walked along feeling the heavy beating of my heart, a clock marking the time I have left, here, gone, here, gone.   it was cold so i wore a hat and gloves and it was shaded so the heat of the sun was absent.

I could feel it all around me, memories turned real by passion, time standing still as it can only do for one who understands it with all of its limitations and infinities and absolute endings.

I could taste you in the air. Here, gone, here, gone.

All an illusion, even the river and the tug struggling to dock right in front of me or the one pushing the barge.

3.16.23

3.11.23

2:00 AM  The day after Greg Friedlander day.

There was only one person I wanted to hear from on my birthday.  And no I have not forgotten how to use my phone.  People are entitled to privacy and to get on with their lives to some extent.  No one should have a life sentence in prison of any type.  But that doesn't change what I want.

I have been up many days before the sun because of you.  You are not the reason, at least not the only reason, I am up at 2AM the day after my birthday, but I would like to tell you why.  A major bank failed on my birthday.

Yesterday I started the day at 4AM, so I was only up 2 hours earlier.  How weird is that?  I walked the dog to my office and was there before 8AM.  I was back early so I missed my brother who stopped by.  In the afternoon I swam 2200 yards, 1200 IM,  2x200, 1x400, 1x200, 2x100 so a ladder of sorts and I could have kept going, and I suppose that is even part of reason I am up now, but I showed old age a thing or two.

I got good news from all 3 universities I am working on and a positive email on a larger grant project and I feel like I have a handle on the science so I typed in some final notes and on my birthday filed the provisional to cover all the disclosure that might come up in the grants that have been filed and to update my observations.

All in all, a banner day of sorts.

But all I wanted, all I ever want for my birthday, is you.

Thanks for all the birthday greetings. I think i may have gotten to the age where I can count riches in the friends I have had, those I have left and the good deeds I can do in the remaining years on this earth. A long life to all of you and if I do not see you in person in the years to come, we will meet again in Valhalla or whatever comes next.

That's what I posted to facebook.

I thought it was clever enough as old as I am.

3.5.23

Been hitting my target weight.  I suspect i would be under it  today if i had weighed, although i do not even care right now.  At this moment in time that part of my body is fine.

Yesterday I was at the pool when it opened at 8am, had it to myself for the first half of my workout and even when it was crowded, I was as fast as anyone else swimming, a good day.  I also am pretty sure I accidently swam 1200 IM. I did 2000 yards in short time even though I was a little shocked that I was even at the pool.  My home pool is at 72 degrees which is shockingly cold, but also a temperature where I can just start swimming, assuming I don't have a heart attack when I first get in and if a hot sun is shinning on it.  Then I rode 8 miles and I only ate small meals and no dinner which is unusual and I suspect it is largely due to my sense of frustration.  On top of everything else I stayed up late, the sun was up when I got up this morning, something which has not happened in quite a while.

Looked at match.com because it came up on my Facebook feed.   It kept trying to get me to make myself visible which was  tempting although there were way too many ugly people on it.  Maybe I would fall into that category at this moment in my life.   i also read an article about catfishing kidnapping which sounds about right.  What sort of person in their right mind would do that.  I have a friend who is single who is doing that or something like that and he said he sees fake profiles.  The fact that it comes up on my feed is evidence enough that it is a terrible idea.  What on earth would I do in that environment?  I suspect I am dateable, but I am also going blind and who would want that?  Also, I would suspect I would be absolutely mad to get into a relationship I could not walk away from.  A person who hates his own life has little reason to look at relationships.

And, of course, even at my old age I would not want to get sick.  I would have to make all of my dates start of at a clinic so I could get them tested.  It makes me a little nauseous to think about it.  I wonder if it will not happen yet, how strange it would be.  When I was younger it was looking for someone to spend my life with, now what would it look like?  I have another friend to abhors relationships of any kind.  He is angry, there is a fancy word for that, misogyny.  I can almost understand, I have been hurt perhaps he was too, although you do not hear that.  I have hurt others, however.  I might argue today it was for purposes of wanting everything perfect for everyone else.  It's all your fault, I'd tell them; but that would be disingenuous, I have the thesaurus working this morning.

The science is going as well as can be expected.  The technology breakthroughs this year have left me feeling like I was hit by a firehose.  The level of proof is extraordinary, the obviousness of it shocking and even suspicious.  It cannot be that easy, but maybe it is.

It opened up this whole new area of grant concepts at the same time different groups were looking for them and that has helped to develop it, although the interplay is complex, simple things in isolation that are complex when combined, the reason for all of the problems in my life.  Well, all the problems except going blind, that one is all mine, simple in isolation or when combined with everything else.

This morning, the gym being closed, I used the elimination of one piles of vines for exercise and I can barely type for the amount of work I did with my arms, much more than lifting weights and like the pile that was hauled away on Friday, the stack of weeds in front of the house is enormous.  Lots of errors typing I'll have to go back.

I fooled my watch calling it a walk and indeed going back and forth I clocked over 1.5 miles.  Moreover it was a 10 hr of rest 1.xx1.x aerobic, anaerobic workout and 99 intensity minutes to boot and that was after an initial 15 minutes, so I have my exercise in today.  Also 12 floors and all but a  couple thousand steps.  All in all I should have been doing this all along i guess.  Stil have some clean up to do and my chain saw chain needs to be replaced, too loose to use.

I've been collecting songs, the beetle's song which goes, "in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make," comes to mind; but that song is a lie, maybe for the writer, but it would be for me.  One funny, one serious.  Or, come to think of it, maybe they are both serious in their own way.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzw3-Qyp4c0

Sting - When We Dance (Official Music Video) - YouTube

2.28.23

 It is the end of something, February.

Last night you came to me in my dreams, 

so real I could feel you.

But you only shared bad news with me

I want to be happy for you in it

In your dream of happiness

Health and satisfaction

I woke feeling none of it

Frustrated with the progress

and the lack of it

but only you mattered

in the darkness

The details burned into my brain

I knew if I did not go back to sleep, 

I would never sleep again

But how could I go to sleep

I still love you

More than anything else

You are burned into my world

with an unworldly branding iron

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnlhVDDKdF8