may the fourth make us love each other

I am watchig this type up the page, itrefuses to reallign on the pad, There is thunder outside, i dont have my glasses, a big enough screen, the words scroll upwards in blurry squiggles.

I have had a long period of under 175, not at 170, not even close for some time.  Not sure about today, i oveate a little yesterday and today, even though yesterday i sawm and walked the dog, today i rode the bike and lifted weights, but i still feel like i have been working out to eat instead of the otehr way, the way it should be.

this is the first time i have typed on this blog in forever, my other blog unreadd and not particularly interesting as a result.

What is truth, i was told that my relationship was over, met that with great relief, only a few obligations to meet then freedom to be lonely; but then it evaporated as if it never happened, i mention it and i am told to only say positive things.  that is a positive thing.

does freedom come with success, whil i ever find out?

i am waiting for the next wave,  of rejections, due this month.  at least one should not be, one to give a sense of purpose, of acceeptance of recognition and hpefully freedom.  any day now, definitely this month.

i am moving on, i have to.  the next one on saving the earth from volcanos, earthquakes, solar wind, climate change.   15 pages done now, at least a good draft, two or three more of proof, and hopefully an expert.  there is a chance three, a volcanologist, just enough to add credibility to a minimal grant, but enough for..time; not freedom with taht one perhaps, but time.

I am still waiting for other nformation whch might be enough, way overdue, 60 days perhaps this day, the forth is not with me; i have to make my own fourth if i can.

in september of 2013 i was writing poems.  interestsingly there were poems in my last published book, i shared it with the air force, its grosslly out of date, even in 2019, early 2019; everything changed a year ago,the force was with me then.  the thunder has turned to rain.

9/2/13

don't think that you won't hurt me
by doing what I ask
and by not understanding
that often no means yes

And don't think love's
a one way street
that only hurts you
just because you drive

or that you ruining love
for me or anyone else
just because you can
makes this all a game

its all about responsibility
avoiding it for someone else
because i want what is there
but not to be obligated for it