I have an old post to put up, but it is not time for that today. We'll get to today shortly.
Lifted weights and rode bike, walked, swam, swam and walked the last 4 days; this morning I weighed in at 175, my initial target weight, but somehow no closer to the 170 final target.
The response: I have spent the time thinking about the ramifications of whichever decision was made or if it is a status which is not rejected/accepted, but perhaps still under consideration. Perhaps a request for something else. I was able to see the positives of a negative decision; all too clearly. Nevertheless, I knew I needed to act on this one if it came through.
But it was a rejection. This is the first one where the rejection was not warranted, depending on how you want to look at it. Do I have the chemical plant to undertake the work? No. All I have is the science that no one else has, I'd have to get the chemical plant to finish it. But no one else will get this where it needs to be and I could.
As it is, the same science, now developed; remains to be exploited and it is in line, after a fashion.
Where am I?
As near as I can tell 9 grants have been rejected.
Of these 2 were just loi(s); the write ups to both were helpful; I understand why they did not move forward.
3 were sent without the correct information to support them which will probably be rectified this month and next with some real support.
One was early, but right, this was the NSF one. It probably should have been funded; but the support was never circulated and when it was filed I was not ready. That being said, in my opinion I finished phase 1 while waiting for the rejection. That was hard, but not such a big problem for me, because I am more ready now, the results of filing it were to propel things forward, I can live with that for a short time.
That leaves 3. The one that should have issued yesterday, but failed probably because of a capability question, but ignoring the science; I was not able to get them to see the science. I will get some feedback, it will be interesting to see what it is.
There were two which were beyond the capabilities of the company and we're looking at partnering to get that capability on one and the other one, well, we may have another shot at it and if we get it we'll have problems, but not theoretical, addressing it and should be able to tackle it before phase 2 is reached.
4 remain pending, one just at the LOI phase which should progress and we'll know next week, 3 which should be filed, one on geology, one on biology (maybe cancer) and one on quantum computing. On all 3 I am looking for a partner and may not file one or more if I can't get it.
The question is how far can I go practically from here; how far am I willing to go. There were only two which were really a problem and they can be fixed. But there is the credibility problem and the exhaustion problem. I think if I was being paid for this I'd have the energy to stand up against the stupidity out there; the energy to put together these partnerships. If I had recognition, well if that happened everything else would fall into place.
We joked about 5 years for my writing career which started 10 years ago and to some extent this is an outgrowth of that. For all but the last two years, starting on this as the third, I had another job so the writing was relegated to being a hobby; but now I'm doing this to the exclusion of everything else and its hard to look at this record of 7 and 0 on the decided grants; the LOI(s) count, but not as much.
It is very hard, hard to wait, hard to make you understand, hard to keep going. Go on, I must, however and things are, in their way, going well. There are still matters that could eclipse all these problems that I am waiting for, but things are slow and I am running out of time and patience.
My science can save the world, sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. Without you.
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