Plus/Minus; memories thrust upon me

The donuts did not kill me...yet.  That is a slow way to suicide.

I'm fat, but two days ago I did a fair indoor workout and then weights and yesterday I did a mile swim with 1000 im, a little short, but had to squeeze it in just under the thunderstorms that were out there as I wrote this.

I started another romantic comedy novel.  I don't think this one is a direct takeoff of something else.

My writing would be better, but as my eyes continue to deteriorate, I find myself having to take more time off.  I plan to go get new glasses next week and see if that helps.  I had to take off of work at 3 because my vision just gave out on me.  Of course that got me in to swim before the storm started and I have that behind me early so there is a ray of sunshine following every storm, so far at least.

What about you? How else would I know that Garum is Greek Ketchup, a fermented fish sauce which was used as a condiment in the cuisines of Phoenicia, ancient Greece, Rome, Carthage and later Byzantium.   I had a very hard time today.  I did the minimal swim before it started raining, 1500 yards, very minimal, but during the walk i kept reaching for my phone and losing my place in reality; moving between regret and guilt with alacraty.  I have joined chemistry and physics; so too have I joined despair with shame.  It did give me the idea for the new book, one which is just a smidge off of one i was working on anyway.

The days and weeks stretch out before me like the entry to a haunted forest.  I have the bulk, probably 14, letters to gauge interest to get out; meeting are coming up where a positive response coudl be signficant, the npte is done in at least a first draft and i have till july before any serious new deadlines will come about.  But my life seems to be in some sort of stasis despite being overwhelmed with things that are about to happen, i realize that there are no goals of a personal nature left, just get this done, get that done; take care of things, hope the information coming in meets my needs, my hopes and not my expectations.

It is raining, i cannot enjoy it because i cannot ignore the memories it thrusts upon me, the dreams that were perhaps realities that come back to me in the gray light.

9/20/13

When people ask how I am doing, I always say wonderful and terrible.  It is my trademark phrase.
My father used to always say he was terrible when people would ask him late in life how he was.
His partner adopted this way, everything is terrible, of talking after my father died.
I realized that this was both accurate and unduly pessimistic since there are always things to despair about, but there are also always wonderful things to look forward to.