20 days and counting

I chased cats all morning.

I don't want or need pets.  Nothing wrong with pets, I just need time by myself, perhaps I could walk someone else's dog on occasion, pet a stray cat.

I had to feed then throw them out hoping that would cure their recent bad manners.  I know they don't mean to be a nuisance, then again they are cats so perhaps they do mean it.

I'm working from 5am to noon now and then less efficiently in the afternoon.  I finished the next 4 sets today and got some feedback from my contacts, sell more, look at what I'm doing less might be the summary.   I've spent a lot of time targeting the issues raised, trying to get relevant.

So I was starving at lunch today, ate a big sub; still hungry, ate a pack of peanut butter crackers, still hungry, ate a protein bar, then I got tired.  It was 2:00 after a pretty boring but important conference call so I went to the gym and did an hour of machine work and 20 minutes of weights.  For whatever reason, my exercise watch wasn't impressed and in truth I could have gone harder, after the first 20 minutes on the stair machine, admitedly at a pretty easy rate, the exhaustion from the big lunch was gone.  I dreaded the weights, but managed to do more of that than what I was expecting, essentially the whole normal workout which is not hard or easy.

The pool is clouding up.  I'm dealing with that, perhaps not as well I should be; but tomorrow I may do more.  I know what I should be doing tonight; but I'll wait till tomorrow.

Another day has gone by.

I worry about the unfairness of this; but its a choice of some sort.  You have no idea how torn I am several times a day, then I am too tired.  I have been too busy, too busy to focus, but I'm going to take a minute to concentrate my thoughts.  There is a drought, a heat event, floods and it makes me mindful of the statement, the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans in this world; something like that.  But our problems consume me and those are things which are more pressing for the world at large and my ability to play a part in dealing with that; those are only things which put you and me into context.

I want to run away right this minute, throw myself at what I want.  In truth, I continue in that direction not just because I want to but because I have to.  This afternoon the plan was to get all of the billings online which would leave more mail issues to deal with.  That is a bigger issue than you have given it credit; bigger than I thought although I knew it was a problem; but I am tackling it.  Well, I would have if I had not gotten too tired.  There remains a lot of questions for how to do that.  Funding would help.  

None of this matters to you, but it is all important.  You can go on with your life, whether I can or not remains to be seen; but I have no intention of it being this version of it.  Those grants and the results of the next 20 days, assuming it is 20 days loom large in all of this; but not exclusively large.  There are arms in every direction there; the next two weeks continue without a break.

Working through options of dealing with mail other than bills, billing is the easiest problem to deal with, is a miniscule part of an operation which is more complex and the next two weeks are especially critical, the next 20 days defining what could be a radical inflection point; but assuming it isn't the next two weeks are.

I want to go on, but it will have to wait for the next post.  My eyes are tired again.  I've ordered the blue tint lenses; again you figure into all the minutia of my life; what happens when the last vestiges of that are gone?

Perhaps all of my posts turn into absurd articles saved from years gone by.

11/4/13

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