21 days and counting

My hopes of swimming so far on 7/11 have been stymied by thunder even before 10:30.  I had a second breakfast (breakfast sandwich with hot veggie sausage) because I was hungry and it looked like swimming was not an option.

I'm doing a countdown even though the 3rd is not as fixed a date as I'd like.  It's not just a countdown to potential disappointment although if things turn out what will it mean?

I managed to squeeze in a swim. It was just my normal swim, a little over 2000 yards, between thunderstorms; but because of something, perhaps an effect of the hard workouts from before, my heart rate was in the 4 and 5 level.  I think it may have more to do with the watch, some problem there.  Whatever the issue, it was an easy workout that wasn't easy but its over now.

Nothing was posted yesterday, I am almost too tired and stressed to think.  I am slowly moving through the necessary work, one of what i would guess are 19 left was out today.  No exercise except a few pullups and a walk in heat and humidity which left me dripping and cold despite the relentlessness of  the heat outside. I feel better now.

Weight 174.6; not as  bad as i was worried.  My stomach hurts, probably from stress and overwork.  What i am doing right now is critical, time consuming, intellectually at the edge of my ability and, as always, frustrating.  

I want to write to you, that may be the thing that makes this most difficult.  I have so many things I want to share, the lunch with my friend whose business is doing so well and who is my age, but so much older; whose life is uncertain, The sea, the sea  I suggested. Or the old associate who has sold his home and is going cross country in a winnebego,  a 24 foot one, the smallest one with a full bed; he chose not to have children with his wife.

There are nuances to both of those stories w hich I would like to parse; but its not allowed, the feelings have to be crushed, i suppose; they are like the thick vines that live underground, you can cut them away above the surface, but pulling them up is hard and takes time, its hard to explain.

I am tired, trying to save the world, to prove my place in it, to prepare for the meetings which may go somewhere or nowhere this week and next; it is all I can do and yet, and yet there is much more that I have to do. 

The plasma thing with molten iron, the need to show the underlying symmetries which dont change, the plasmas, the states, the change that doesnt reach the neutron backbone even though it is hard to explain why and why not.

The things i want to say, to share, to explain, to cry over, to laugh about, time passes.

A month passed since the last unpublished post in 2013.

Halloween 2013

http://www.natureworldnews.com/articles/4716/20131031/astronomers-prepare-milky-way-supernova-100-percent-sure-occur-within.htm