Day of the dead 33; 12 days remaining to next deadline

 It's actually El Dia de los Muertos today.

The sky is red this time of the morning (before 7 and after 6); but it is always red here.  Sailors take warning, but there are almost never storms.  Take warning of UFO(s)?

I've seen eaten cows and deer, no sign of aliens.  I think I may have seen a ghost or two.

Yesterday I did 1700 yards, including all of the im.  I'm doing 200(s) here instead of 400(s).  They are still continuous but that is a difference and the heart rates (near exploding) are surprising. 

I did my 9000 steps in addition to that swim.  Today I did a 2.5 mile hike almost due S-SW and still did not make it to the third and presumably highest ridge although I did get to the target ridge which might be a good jumping off place for the next walk although it will likely put me above or beyond the ??caveopening?

last night the coyotes howled all night.   it was lonely and terrifying.

my vision fails.

i have never been more certain of my math  or more frustrated with the grant path.  I have many opportunities, but more challenges with nothing that is truely on the horizon.  the sales i need to do have not materialized.  it causes me deep anxiety.  sometimes i can barelybreath.

I have an opportunity to do something which would be fun, perhaps. it was there waiting for me but i dont know iff it waits still.  i need so badly to find some joy.  i started to edit a book, but deadlines interfeered.

i wrote this 2 days ago.  i miss you.  i am lonely in a way that i cannot explain.  i swam 1700 yards again after a very easy day.  the dog refused to hike, something unusual, the coyotes, perhaps and their terrifying packs.  i need to see a doctor tomorrow.  my hope is that i can exercise afterwards.  things are happening but they seem to be falling apart so much faster.  it is early, but i am exhausted.  the dog has come in with me.  it is too early to sleep even though i need it badly.  i have to leave for the doctor at 8.  i wonder what i will learn, if it will increase my terror

my inner ear adds to my issues, i cannot trust my senses or my feelings.