day of the dead 36

I slept till 6 this morning after staying up a little later.  It felt good to me more on track.  The sun seemed to rise further to the south, perhaps shifting the seasons. Perhaps you need the type of view that I have here to see the events leading to a stonehenge, a place where you see the sun rise every day and a marker on the horizon to determine in which direction it moves.

There are many illusions here, from the white signal which gives this area its name to the light streaming down a spider web as it shifts in the wind to things which are impossible to explain, the ghosts and aliens of the desert. 

It would be impossible to leave here if it wasn't for this.  This is a wellhead in advance of the encroaching copper mine.  The bland looking hillside, devoid of life is the tower leftover of the deep hole already dug which will be matched by something equally hard to imagine in place of the otherwise pristine high plains desert over which this wellhead waits with its implied destruction of habitat and beauty.  There are miles and miles of empty desert, or more empty desert, but the copper is underneath these rolling hills.

I am slowly finding more talent and getting closer to where I can attract it.  I am still lost. Am I the next Einstein or is there something much less or much more that defines where I am and where I am going.  Why are the things that really matter to me so far outside by grasp, why I am so old now that this thing has been handed to me, where do I go next, who do I talk to next.

i thought to myself that your outburst might have been for me and not to harm me.  is that possible?  would it be conscious or unconscious.  Do I only think these things because i cannot imagine you intentionally harming me though i am almost undone, if not by you than by the events and hardships before and behind me?  And does it matter in the end.  The dead may not be allowed the love of the living, perhaps they can at least respect, if not love those who still live.

Cherry creek is in the path of that giant hole digging monster, I know someone who would be in a position to help out here, but it would be a wasted effort, I fear; and it is not my fight.