I had done some writing off, not happiness, not even acceptance, just knowing that I had to accept the inevitable; but I don't accept it. I just ate half a something container of ice cream, that undermines what was otherwise a day with enough exercise and excellent diet because the truth is out there, the sun rises and falls depending on where we're at, if I don't say that then I keep eating ice cream till I'm the shape of a basketball and I can't have that because of what I want to be together.
Weird dreams.
Spent the morning watching stories, its 6am now and raining with thunder in the distance and the sky reflecting the morning, but in the bright lights of my office, it still looks dark.
In my dreams, which seemed to go on all night I found myself in several scenarios, none of which were logical, but many of which are fairly standard dreams for me. I was in a concentration camp, trying to figure out how to get away by walking my dog; later I was in a standard dream where I am in a badly constructed, large old building with huge rooms, a questionable location, and bad wiring. For some reason I have an office next to the bedroom with someone working there.
As some point I am touring a poorly drained, but large piece of land and then I am in and out of bed trying to explain the sale of the land while falling asleep and also my business to some young man who may or may not be working there while dealing with lights that won't come on and other symptoms of dangerous wiring and a recalcitrant sound system that would not turn off.
I'm always trying to sell stuff in my dreams and in real life where my little piece of land which is so important to sell and drains well but over a large portion of the land is not selling as quickly as I'd like.
That is the end of the dream, this post is going on forever, reaching out to the darkness and the light.
At least there is no desperation in my life as there once was, unless you go outside of my little world here, desperation begins at the borders.
I am planning for the next move, I know it will not be easy; but I am planning, still waiting for others to make decisions as to where to go and when to go there and making some surprising local progress, today was a good day in that regard.
It is later now, the dog did not get too much of a walk, 2.5 miles, but that is a good enough walk for a day like today which is oddly hot and muggy and an old dog like that one. There is a fire burning under the ashes, it has never gone out, but it burns hotter now and I do not know what to do other than stay away from the ice cream.
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