3.4.22

 

This morning wasn't too bad.  Did not get up too early, did not drink too much coffee, walked the dog before it got too hot.  But it was not a good day and it got me thinking about what a good day would look like.

In this world, the whole thing in Ukraine bothers me and it bothers me that things may even be worse in other places, in Africa, where the suffering is taken for granted.  Here it is too hot in the sun and too cold in the shade.  The pool is 62 degrees at the million dollar mansion, 10 degrees too cold to swim even without thinking about what comfortable would mean, and I swam yesterday and already walked the dog, not far enough, and I am tired.

A good day would be waking up with you in Italy in a world where there was no war, where there were not articles about how to deal with nuclear war in my news feed, I would not have sent myself an article to send to the USGS explaining how if they were not so conceited, we'd be halfway to an answer by now.  I wouldn't have to solve these problems by myself. 

I wouldn't need to be younger or have better coffee, it would be enough knowing that we were going to have our coffee after waking up, talking about what we were going to cook and how we are going to do it, not being any younger, but not being any older.

I still have to prepare my paper for the 9th, it is not as important as it was and it will likely amount to nothing for reasons that are unfair to me and to everyone else.  I know there is a way around the problems, but I also know there is no way around the problem and that I have an alternative and that I will be pursuing the alternative and maybe that will make the perfect day someday, even if it can't be with you and even if that means it can't be any better than today.

The sun is setting, the last of the too hot in the sun of the day will soon be gone.  The bells sounded 5pm and the night looms before me dark and menacing.