I have had a relapse, from pretending acceptance. It was never fully there. Does it take an eternity to stop this train or is it just that I do not want to?
Either way the result is the same, love does not die, it merely bides its time.
I was up again at 4, although it is 5 now. I slept enough I think, because i only woke up twice. I wonder if it was getting some sun on my legs.
I suppose I need to go back to the other blog and limit this one to a word or two. I want to share my coffee, but I also want to run away. I have made a lot for me to do and if nothing happens during this next project round I do not know what it will mean. The need is to make something from this and I am uncertain whether I can. It is the details, not the concept that create this challenge. I do not have a lab in my basement. I have seen those before, but I do not have one. I am old and the type of studying I am doing is enough of a struggle without adding the dirty hands part. I believe I have the people lined up for that even, but I need a sponsor and I have not heard from the sponsor yet.
The presentation went as well as could be expected, I changed a thing or two and added some clarity where it needed to be added. I am educating my peers, if i can call them that. I am a charlatan from their perspective. 12 years of loving you and doing this, two aspects of something very complicated walking side by side when the goal is something so simple and unrefined.
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