3.22.22

 I decided to ignore that angel on my shoulder and to file the request for a reconsideration.  I think I toned it down, but who really knows?  I used some bold, standup language, but stopped short of calling anyone a horses behind, at least directly.

Perhaps  I should have gotten some help with it, but I was a little irritated and mostly felt that I had done what I could and that the kind of prejudice reflected in the rejection would be difficult to overcome and getting it out means i do not have to think about it anymore.

I worry this will trickle down to the other application which is filed or the others to be filed, but I am attempting to educate as much as I am attempting to get the grant and expect very little from this other than taking a stance from which I can continue.  Still no word on the other pending grants.

I should be preparing more of these, I have a list, but I am in a couple of programs, there is this ptac thing, and so very much else is going on and Friday is a big day for seeing what the future holds and it is not far off.  Moreover, I have been consolidating information so that when I decide to move forward the science will be in place.  And then there are the new partnership opportunities which may be what I need the most, a revitalized usa, ptac and the two funding tracks.  I sent something on Friday that should have resulted in a response by now; but there is no hurry, too much feedback coming this week to be rushing anyone else.  It should be Friday the 13th; but I am in a good place, if not a great place for the moment even if Friday turns out to be a disaster otherwise.

I had an important meeting cancelled without explanation for next week; but it was cancelled before because of an emergency.  It does make me wonder.  Will I get another one?  It is almost like one of your unilateral decisions, not thinking like a couple even when that might be appropriate.  The cancellation bothers me, there should be some sort of explanation, but it is early one may be coming.  Perchance a response to my latest disclosure or because that requires some deeper consideration?  That would not be ironic, because the meeting should not happen if that disclosure is in the way of it.  Or perhaps not.  My life continues to weird me out, living by luck still despite what I would think of as a certain level of skill.

Hours of time on the phone, replaced with these snippets, what is more sad, that burial of love or the burial of this science under a pile of ignorance.  I think we both know the answer to that.  Cold comfort.

Stairs for 22 minutes, not on a particularly hard level, then a few sets of a few machines of weights, a little more than i do at home but not much.  I was tired.  the plan is to swim tomorrow and then have 4 easy days, the first long recovery in several months.  That I may do more than I plan would not be unexpected, but I am hurting inside and out, more inside; but still both.