8.31.22

 Well, that was pretty stupid.  8.30.22 felt better and needed to do and weather was beautiful so i rode bike to office and back and everyting went pretty well, but coughing pretty bad now. (its 830 still).  Made a delicious sandwich out of some leftover chicken, no problem with sense of taste.  I wonder how close i would get to you with these conditions.

I am hoping that i am coughing up stuff that needed to coughed up anyway but i am also concerned i may have created a cough but it was a nice bike ride.

There are epic droughts, floods and wars.  what is wrong with people.

After the ride i jumped into the pool to cool down and probably waited too long to put in eardrops but not more than a few hours.  Even so I have to be more careful.  Can you imagine not talking?  I find the coughing is easier to control if i say nothing.  have a conference call at 3, a long one, but ive already said i wont speak  but will write any comments or do other follow up. 

There is a math issue with the modeling, just rearranging math, sort of obvious, but interesting and I have to wonder if there is not a better way to calculate it.  The concept is not that different, but rearranging math is a tricky thing at this stage.  I am debating on this, but i have to act relatively soon, 9.1.22 is my target date.

This is the type of thing that makes me wonder if i need to get my head examined.

I wonder how much I have messed this up and how much this works anyway, it is a very weird thing.

It's 7.  I didn't sleep worth a darn last night, my watch gave me 5 hours, but that seems a little optimistic.  So  no medicines tonight, just lemon and honey.  I have a new problem to go with all the others and I really do wonder what difference it will make.  is a weird thing among weird things in a life of weird things.  I often wonder if I am doomed to start all over again, a little worse off every time.

I've finally stopped coughing, I have had dinner, i am getting tired but plan to wait and hour, then it will be the 31rst, maybe a day i will feel back at 100% and there is much to do.

The 4 days since i have been sick seem doubled, but perhaps they are not as they also seemed to fly by.  It is premature to test before Saturday again so isolate either way.

it rained again today, hard enough to add some badly needed water to the pool.  It is beginning to get too far gone, but for now it is clear enough and if i screwed up a little in the treatments, the rain will even things out so i can  start again. It is dark now and i must turn my thoughts away from you, one of so many things that keep me awake.

512AM, already had cereal and I am sitting in my isolation suite drinking coffee which is a little too strong but tastes fine and i have my bottomless water to drink from.  My watch only recorded 6 hours of sleep last night, but even though I was up at 4, I feel it is a little above 7 hours.  I'd loosened my watch and I attribute the problems there.  I didn't spend the night coughing, my biggest fear and feel clear headed this morning if a little overwhelmed with what I have to do.

It is funny this thing with you, it was not noble although it well could have been 32 years ago if i had acted better, what an absurd period of time, 32 years, half of my life now.  Strange how fractions work, at the time it would have been my whole life and yours.  Nor did it generate something perfect and sublime unless you just like mathematics for some reason.  I told the producer yesterday that it is the most terrifying thing you could learn and not to learn it, because what is worse than learning that things inevitable, meaningless.  I do take the position that the study of this is the study of how to get beyond the veil, to control the machinery (technically to alter the programming or the computer itself that runs things); but that is a platitude, imagining the characters in a computer game will suddenly figure out how to run the player instead of the other way around.

I do feel much better.  A trace only of congestion, i used the breathing machine for an hour to push that out of the way, something that works surprisingly well from one person who snores to another and how I miss that.  There could be something of a sore throat, but it is secondary to the drainage i think as opposed to a non-bacterial element; i will have to heat up my body to deal with that which means at least some limited exercise, like walking the dog this morning.  He sleeps down here with me, he is snoring too.  It reminds me of NM, even the coyotes although they are quieter here in town.

"If you're mostly feeling well, especially if what is still kind of lingering is a cough or a little bit of cough tends to be the last thing to go away after any virus, it is unlikely that you are still spreading disease," Dr. Arwady previously said.

That is where I'm at today.  I could kiss you.  I know, 'kiss my ass,' or whatever you'd say that wasn't so crude.  It's a blog, it doesn't mean much.  I was pretty sick Sunday after having coming down with symptoms on Saturday, Monday felt better but still symptomatic, Tuesday felt even better still but was stupid, and Wednesday feel pretty much over it if there is no relapse or associated illness.  My Eustachian tubes are clogged up which is something of a problem and a source of bacterial concern, but not even much congestion other than that and the coughing is under control this morning (virtually none) although when I go walk later which I will certainly do to clear of the tube thing a little if for no other reason, it may get worse like it did an hour after the bike ride when it was spasmodic for a while.

It would be good to go soon, it is actually a little cool outside now although some of that may be tied to the cold.  Last night I had cold sweats and while i warmed up quickly it was uncomfortable.

I feel a little worn out, like I just exercised (probably partially sleeplessness if my watch is to be believed) and deep breath exposes a sensitivity in my lungs,

i weighed 169 today a pound under my target weight and likely less than that if id weighed earlier.  too light, but if we were together id want to go out and get a milkshake to celebrate although i suppose i could not have gone out.

I was never able to clear out my ears which is problematic, i probably need to swim tomorrow for that if for no other reason, a little scared to even go to sleep with them like this, but its late and i dont know what else to do.  If we were together id probably want you to massage my ears or something, so you can be happy about that.  I feel as isolated as i was in nm almost, although i saw a friend on the walk, i did have to wave him off lest the plague be spread.  If not for the ear thing, I would say i was close to back to normal and i worked hard today, actually got caught up in work, but i am very close to being finished with what i need to do for tomorrow and suspect if i am well i will finish it early in the day and be able to move on to the other things.  I remember the document i need to find on this issue, but i dont know that i will find it and im not sure that i need to.

I am a silly and romantic and impractical person.  I am glad i have not been sicker but i dont know that i should work too hard tomorrow.  There is another document which i also need to file which is far from perfect and will cost me, but i will sleep better over the weekend if I do and would probbly sleep better tonight if i went ahead and did it, but there is a lot to digest there and i should probably let my mind process it another night.

I have more to say, i watched this silly show and it was us or it was me thinking it was us (prettier setting) but it reminds me too much of what i missed and what you escaped.  its not really about us, nothing is.

This has been so very weird.  life.  I wonder what death will be like, it will likely be worse.  I have no idea what to do next other than sleep and i cannot do that.

I am older and wiser, no just older.  I have just had a bad day in some ways, but there have been worse days and  if i could just be somewhere where we could hold one another then maybe there would be a day which wasnt a bad day, but i fear that you need to have better days and i need to figure out what is happening next in this type of nothing which i suppose is more nothing, just watching the pretime changes going by.

8.30.22

 Did not sleep well last night.  Only sign of illness this morning was drainage and a sore throat, likely secondary to drainage and not illness itself.  It has been forever since the house was sprayed for insects so at 4am the kitchen looked like one of those old paintings which are a little too realistic in some respects.

I was only up their briefly, eating half a banana that was likely also breakfast for some of those bugs and to make a chamomile tea.  I have been up since 1:30,  trying to go back to sleep, but it was hopeless from the beginning.  Coughing (not so bad now) and congestion (also not so bad now) kept me awake after I laid down at 8.  That 5.5 hours is enough, but being sick and given the number of times i got up in the night, etc; i tried for 2.5 hours to go back to sleep, but i had a notice at 2 that the power went out at the office which may mean nothing or that my ac unit was stolen.  There is not much at the office that justifies a b&e charge, but no criminal would know that and it could certainly cause me untold grief if it happened.

I badly need to sell or rent out the office.

I hear an owl hooting loudly outside.  Good morning to you too.

It's hurricane Katrina day.  How I love you still....The dog is down here with me, guarding me I suppose, although there is no much he can do for the things that bother me, the inability to reach over and wake you in the night, the new science issue which is so obvious that it seems like i must have tripped over it a dozen times, the need to guard animals from disease, owls and coyotes, and on and on.  This morning is one of those mornings when I would have been terrified of the night in NM; but how different is it really there?  How much more alone there then here?

When I finish the tea, i will likely lay down again.  I doubt it will make a difference.  Not coughing much now that I am drinking something hot.

That was a waste of time. It's 530am, couldn't sleep but I feel much better. Not good to miss so much sleep but I've written today off after 11 so I can nap if I get tired. I feel like swimming might be a good idea,  flush the lungs and such but not yet most likely.

Right now I feel a little feverish and tired.

Well even though I was working outside and hot, my temperature only registered at 97 degrees.  I dont think that is right, but it is the news of the moment.

82922

 September is almost here,  I presume I will make it. Had a glass of Gatorade and day on the sun. For a moment the combination was magical but the tiredness came back with the coughing.   This was on the 28th. 

When i say almost worth it, I can certainly say yes except when it comes back. I have a softboiledegg, bagel(the company with the good bread makes bagels) with organic cream cheese, half a bananna,a small apple and an orange and it  made me feel good also for a while, but not when the coughing starts. It almost feels like it is going away except when i comes back but i will need some additional  tests.   It was extremely painful getting a nasal swab, maybe i was doing too much although te results  were there.

I cannot wait to go to sleep if i can although i suspect i will wake up a lot.

6 months of this cough woulld be a major issue; but the recommendationsare not to treat it because it serves a purpose.

my skin is sore to the touch when i dried off after a shower, the towels felt like it was made of cut glass.

I thought i had a good book to read but at 75% it took too dark a turn for me but it served me well enough when i couldnt do anything else.

Slept better than expected. Covid is lonely too contagious for care except for extreme cases. I talked to someone only sick for 2 or 3 days yesterday. Fingers crossed.  It could easily go both ways the way I feel this dark morning. 

I felt worse drinking hot tea. Forget coffee. 

Lonely and sick this morning,  not 7 yet.

Cough cough and feel weak again after feeling like I could go to work.  I wish I could sleep through this now. 

Well, felt a lot better by 9.  Yo-yo sickness.  Decided to walk the dog (sweat therapy) and feel better although the walk was challenging and coughing some still.  Have a great deal to do, this is frustrating.

After 10,  inner ear problems but otherwise feel better even after exhausting walk. Think the heat may help in the end,  maybe not, an experiment with high stakes, i'm used to that. 

This is boring. Things aren't going well, another grant didn't make it and I had a really good team. Not the end of the world  that will come in time. Not looking forward to retirement. I have 1 pending yet, the one the government asked for and 3 safe in the pipeline so things continue and the most important is yet to come. 

It is almost 230 and it is raining again even though it seems unlikely that it would, but it always rains.  I vacuumed the pool so that was helpful.

Coughing wears me out, but it is not as bad as it could have been.  I am a walking advertisement for vaccines.  I walked 2.5 miles and i got my steps in but my phone isnt picking up on it for soem reason. Cough cough.

There is an important call tomorrow, i suppose if things dont change i will be able to take it.  I did couple of calls, after working for several months straight through weekends i think i can take time off and there is a lot of stuff that i will need to take care of.

Cough cough, ghakk, ghakk (clearing throat) felt weak brushing pool and wiping down things with chlorox but I am able to do quite a bit.  Tomorrow unlikely to be even a half full work day, but i think i can handle at least the most important call, especially if I do a decongestant which I think I am going to have to try today so I don't drown myself (I know, pretty gross, I'm sure you are glad you don't have to see this, but you couldn't anyway because its covid and you can't see it).

I tried a decongestant, but the only thing i could find was a cocktail cold remedy and i am not impressed with the results, but i only took half which may have been too much but i figured i was doing better so i could afford to try a decongestant to keep from getting clogged up.   probably need to give it a few minutes to work before i say it was a waste or a bad idea.

Was bad enough having covid in the background but it has just been a bad cold so far.  I have a while to see where this is going.

The cocktail of cold medicine certainly helped and I've been careful not to sit too much to let the clouds settle. If not for the test I'd say I was nearly healed but that could be the medicine talking. Going to deal with dizziness begin to settle in for the night 

8.28.22

 Writing on the 27th.  Sick in earnest but not too serious yet.  Still suspect dirty pool cold but same symptoms could be covid. No loss of taste but much of rest.  Have a good read, water and lemon juice. Did work just in time.

Had soft boiled eggs toast and bacon for dinner. Sorry no pictures, it was delicious. Felt better for about an hour before getting tired, back to reading, trying to stay up as late as possible so I don't wake up in the middle of the night.  Feel ok laying down. Tired with faint sore throat and dry eyes, sore muscles probably from the workout,  minor chills, green pool swimming symptoms.  Old cat peaceful asleep at end of the bed and day.

Didn't sleep well last night. Feverish. Probably ok, need covid test although this undependable. 

Well it was a clear positive so I guess I have covid.  No exercise or doctor appointment monday.  Still not to serious, but coughing a bit, isolation just me and my book.  Wish I knew what to do. 

Started coughing more laying down so I vacuum and brush pool and the cough went away till I sat back down.   The covid and probably lack of sleep and coughing makes me very tired. 

More if possible later.

No sooner than I sat down I was coughing again. The pool work was enough exercise being sick or was doubly hard. Wish I had a thermometer. 

Activities include hot soup stops coughing but it comes back when I stop and all I want to do is rest laying down. 

The coughing is the worst,  cant stop and it wears me out and makes sore throat and other apportioned worse. Sitting up doesn't stop it, only activity which is hard because I'm so tired. 

Mid-afternoon. Neither better nor worse. I hope this doesn't last all week

The best medicine is knowing you are ok, knowing you are out there.  I'd rather not be sick especially after getting a clean bill of health in my first appointment in years,  but so it goes. All the articles suggest 1 or 2 weeks without long covid.  This will be miserable for 2 weeks.  Did nothing past reading,  couldn't sleep despite being tired. I was wondering about pax, but I've had enough 🥶 colds to let my immune system ruin with this one.   Very irritating to get so sick after so many shots.   There is much to do next week but likely I will not get much done. 

8.27.22

 4:40am Saturday

It is very dark outside, no real sign of sunlight or even reflected light, as if the city was blacked out, but its only because there are no clouds this morning.  It is said they will come later, but if I want I can swim again this morning.  Too soon?

Saturday got here too fast, but the key things I needed to get done are almost finished and I plan to finish them today, including the enablement one which is complicated.  So many things can come up and I obligated myself to a luncheon which will take some time.  It is funny, in the past I would have looked forward to the drive when I could call you.

I want to go to NM again now that the doctor stuff is out of the way initially, but through September i have appointments tied to that.  Time will tell.  The cats are howling to get out, but it is much too dark.

I'm not planning on working on the book today, although I do have to spend a little more time on the proof.  I'm having trouble with photons which keep insisting on being t12 instead of t11.  They can be either, I suppose; but they have to be one or the other and t12 just seems to work better.  I  get a thumbs up on the amended work.  I'm using my laptop and if i type at maximum speed then weird things happen, like whole pages get erased.

I had dreams of waiting for someone and then taking off to do other stuff, taking their car key with me.  There were other dreams of letting people down.  This is not an absurd set of dreams.  I have the world's future in my hands and can hardly be expected to deliver.  How very weird it is that you brought me to this and refused to go any further.  What were you thinking and what are you thinking now?

my throat is sore, probably from snoring and not covid or something worse.  Last night was pretty rough and though I was up really early, I was tired; I am tired, despite being wide awake every time i woke up last night.

Well it has been a good morning.  I got out the work that i needed to do this weekend.  I am far from finished with the things that needed to be done or even the immediate things, but the next real deadline is 11 days off and I think I will have help with that.  Of course there are a dozen things to do that have various amounts of urgency to them and there is stilll that email to look at and somehow i have to deal with you, this ellusive whisp of memory that haunts all my waking minutes and many of those while i sleep.

When I see people doing things on tv i like to do them, like drinking a cup of coffee, get your head out of the gutter.

If I save the world I should have what (who) i want in new mexico.  Then what if i fail?  The universe knows whether i will be successful, so i suppose it had put me in hell instead.  Wet, humid, hell which, of course, is anywhere without whatever it is that would make this life not hell.

Exercise today was more than brushing a pool.  30 eliptical, 15 weights which was tough after all of the time between the last weight workout, but other than having arms that feel like noodles right now and overcoming the difficulty that comes  with not wanting to do this but doing it anyway.

I may be coming down with a cold,it may be from swimming in a green pool, but nothing too serious yet and those pool things usually dont last if i keep alcohol drops around.  Perhaps that is part of the reason i am tired and lonely.  i cant go see my friend, now home from the hospital although i had planned to do so, cant take a chance on making him sick on top of his other problems.  Soon enough i hope.

I am not sure what i plan to do next, but for the moment I have said enough and you will not be there to answer whether i never say another word or if i blather on forever.

82622

 Dinner last night. A bit of Sandwich and a quarter bowl of old soup I mixed together too form a tiny stew, still hungry so a half pnut butter sandwich with the runny organic butter and strawberry jelly and a tiny bag of chips, still hungry so I added a banana. 

Stubbed toe better but it's a pieced together mess despite a few days of healing. 

Thiry minutes of stair, 20 of elliptical, brushing the pool which was green to do something at least for upper body.  Then back stretches and a couple of hernia retracting yoga poses that didn't accomplish much after all the stresses. 

It takes a lot of time just to be alive, but i read some last night, just a chance to relax for a while and let the hernia subside.

Slept reasonably well.  I have decided to spray the outside deck of the house, a compromise between poison and roaches who like this weather.  Nothing is expected to change over the next 10 days, the report indicates more than 50 percent chance of rain which of late means it will rain hard for at least half of the time.

There are flood warnings but none of those affect me directly  Floods and droughts, often at the same time, how strange and terrible the weather is.  Flash floods in the south and it does not appear to be moving, being high up does not seem to be helping.  Road problems.

Tuesday appears to be when the rivers will crest here, but it is supposed to continue raining.

Today it is finish grants, at least 2 of them, and go over patent scope with drawings from the specification early.

The coffee is good today, but there isnt much of it.

If there was anything to the 40 days of rain, then we would be building arks.

I have to get to work pretty soon, i have a lot to do.

Dare I say the weather seems to be clearing up?  I suppose I won't have an excuse not to swim today although I am making some preliminary steps.  Another 30 minutes to let everything clear out of the way.

The weather finally broke and I swam 1600 yards with all the im in a very green pool and did another 400 yds worth brushing the sides by hand. The ph is out of whack again but I think I will have it balanced tomorrow and I shocked it tonight in the hopes that I had enough ash to make that more effective. 

That was after a fairly hot 2.5 mile dog walk do in clean and worn out now and fairly close to where I need to be with the physics although I will have to work this weekend. 

I did the editing of grants and was told they are getting better and reviewed the patent stuff and now I am well into the other work that needed to be done.

How do you feel about crunchy chic peas?  Have you tried them?  I think they are quite the snack food though whether they are healthy as humus I do not know.  Try them and you can let me know although I suppose I won't know.

The swimming and brushing underwater has left me tired.  it's only 645, but if it was a couple of hours later I'd go to sleep.

8.25.22

 Its raining.  It seems to never stop, every day for the last 2 months.

It does not flood here, occassionally a low road will flood, but it rains all the time, everything is wet.  I did those unfinished repairs at the office, rotten wood and deck at home and i am glad despite not finishing them.  I am ready to paint half the office and wish i had done that, although i am not sure the time was there, but the caulking was done, the roof repairs were done, it would be a royal mess if not and what remains is the back which is pretty bad and the side where the one spot that needs to be fixed is pretty easy to do, it just requires a week of dry weather so it can be caulked and then painted.

The deck at the office needs the same, but it is started and that may help keep it from getting worse too quickly.

The claims are due at this time and I have not started them.  Technically I have 12 days.  I will carry them with me, they are printed out, so i can work on them.  I have to carry them to chemistry and electronics in particular, right now i think they are the same claims.  How much of the newest stuff can be incorporated remains to be seen, what did i cover but could not see?

The doctor at 9:30.  The beginning of treatment for the hernia, i hope, a conversation about those worn parts, the various tests that need to be set up.

I am drinking 2 day old coffee, it is pretty good.  The cats and dog are fed, the dog put out to scare off the coyotes, i looked around and saw nothing.  I miss you, but i am not scared about the doctor thing.  I have been exposed to covid a million times and that would be more immediate, it seems to be all around right now, ricky has it, someone i was with last sunday has it, everyone has it still.  The cdc merely gave up on it.

It is later, almost 630, a greenish light outside, not dark, but not light either as the sunlight barely penetrates the rain clouds. The forecast says it will stop soon and perhaps it will not come again till much later or tomorrow, but it will take 5 days for it to dry off enough to do the type of repairs that need to be finished, but i have done quite a bit.

Saw my friend in the hospital today and was able to walk from there to Dr appointment. Everything was marginally OK,  next month will see a specialist about hernia which is small enough to ignore. No immediate signs of my Demise, sorry. Getting ready to go to gym, left small amount of blood for tests. 

I'm tired. 

A roach was on me last night, perhaps looking for a dry place to sleep, sensing that I was already dead inside and previewing a meal, or perhaps giving me a kiss.  At least you know i am alive or is  that torture too?

I am ready to build a fusion reactor.  i am not sure that I am ready to build one that works.  it comes with different calls, some of them appearing to carry me so i can see the shoreline with its palms and promise of temporary respite, but then the troughs come, not yet they say, but maybe soon.

Happy dia de los muertos btw.

Its stopped raining for a while, i was able to vacuum the pool although its going to take a lot more to get that back where it needs to be.  That was after exercising for 50 minutes and the pool brushing after the vacuuming was probably good upper body afer 30 min on the stairs and 20 on the elimptical.  

I will pick this up tomorrow i suppose, some good things happened, and there is one answwer i think will be negative, but didnt have the energy to check today.  tomorrow will be soon enough.

8.24.22

 Last night was one of those nights where every hour beginning around 930 i woke up thinking i had been asleep all night.  its  back to the hospital this morning.  I will be leaving in a few minutes.  

I decided unilaterally to make the meeting today virtual.  Too much driving in what has been bad weather and too much to do wither the weather is good or not.

our 1 year unanniversary is coming up, i wont talk about that again.

The meeting stopped happening long before it started which made me happy about making it virtual.  Will see how big a waste of time this is.

there wont be much to this post.  i am tired.  i went to the hospital, i had those meetings taht were to be had, i did the two lois that mattered even if they dont.

I have more to do, now i have to follow up on those claims and if i hear nothing then i have to edit them myself.  i am sort of ready for that and i have this weekend to work on them, another weekend with no fun and it is raining so i cant walk the dog or swim but perhaps it will stop sometime.

Things are quiet.  I am waiting.  I dont know what i am waiting for.

I ended up walking the dog 2.5 miles in the rain.  Of course I felt better afterwards.  Tomorrow i go to the dr and start the next phase of the hernia.  proof you dont care, doing the same thing as me.  well, it didnt mean i didnt care, but im thinking something different is there.

I wish i had something positive to say, something that would make the future look brighter than it was, a lot is happening, maybe that has to be enough.  There is an awful lot getting ready to happen, so who knows what tomorrow will look like or the day after my surgery whenever that happens.  And, as always, what does it mean without you, if the doctor tells me surgery will fix or i will die, if the fusion plant is built and works or is never funded.  You not being there means that it all means nothing, the universe is a videogame and no matter what i do now, i suppose i lose now or eventually.  And perhaps the 1 year thing and the loneliness tomorrow wont matter.

Its time to publish a draft of the book because of what happens next week.  And the week after that.  And yet, there is already more of the patent to deal with and I think those claims have come back to me.

The real estate deal is dead, i killed it but only for cause.  I will have an appraisal at least an informal one by the end of the week and if it is 400 or 300 or back to 200 that will be what it is and i will not worry about it.

I could go on and on, but I am not happy with you.

8.23.22

up at 430, but i went to sleep early in this strange hell i live in so it isnt as bad as it sounds.  Had to deal with more arguing than i could stand yesterday.  There was no way to deal with the property issue logically so i punted it down the road and i will ultimately raise the price; perhaps with a different realtor if things dont work out.

my friend who had his surgery put off last week had it yesterday, the first i heard was an email from his daughter saying he had come through it well.  a trip to the hospital is in the future and i will  be back there again later this week to see a nearby doctor about a general check up which will also cover this stupid hernia.

finished the first draft of the one page document, still no thoughts on the valuation.

made some progress on several fronts, but there is much to do yet.

The cats are howling to get out, but it is much too dark outside.

I only went into the office for a few minutes, but i think the claims issue was taken care of by the bit of mail which i received.

And then there was another mail that seemed to say no. 

Either way after bringing my friend in the hospital coffee and staying for a couple of hours and everything else that happened I feel behind today and I have to drive over there tomorrow so I'll be even further behind by Thursday but I'm organizing and starting on everything but the cousins and something weird halogens today which makes me laugh but all I want to do is share it. 

Just eliptical and back stretches and the new yoga which may not fix anything bit or really helped aggressive the elipitical work so go figure. 

It's getting late. 

8.22.22

 Now there is an auspicious date.

Monday.  I slept till 6 after waking up in the middle of the night.  Probably blood loss as all I did yesterday was 30 minutes on the elliptical.  I didnt use the belt and it irritated the hernia.  Thursday I begin that process formally.

There is a forecast of rain, 100 percent today.  It has rained everyday no matter what the rain forecast so who knows what will happen today.  It is preventing me from finishing repairs, although I am also having some additional tools delivered this week, tomorrow in fact.  I was going to put up a small section of fence today, but that is not as likely although the rain is probably coming later so we will see.  I did do a little repair work which I think will work well which I had started although it requires signficant drying times and nothing is drying in this weather.   What else?

I cut my own hair yesterday and went and saw people and no one said anything although people who know me tend to experct my appeaance to be haphazard and those who dont tend to keep their opinions to themselves.  I was pressed for time when I did it so I didnt put everything up and i need to do that today.  the constant rain means that I need to rebalancce the chemicals and backwash the pool but its fairly clear today.

I had an interesting conversation with a restaurant owner who was raised on a farm in foley and we spoke of the old times.  Alas Babylon.  The water i use to make my coffee is free from pfas, but they probably come in through the coffee grinds.

It does not look like a rainy day outside.  I am working from home this morning.  I need to clean up videos this week along with everything else.  I think in terms of today, the first thing i will do is prepare some LOI(s) so taht is out of the way.  Probably tomorrow I will delve more deeply into the response which is far off.  If I don't hear more about the claims, the set due on 9/8 will be  picked up.

There is a lot more on my plate, there always is.

It is after 5 and between the inevitable storms I have walked the dog 3 miles, my only exercise for the day I fear.  The idea of swimming with an open wound in a greenish pool is not inviting.  Perhaps tomorrow will be better.  I have taken to listening to old time radio shows on blogs in place of the hours talking to you.  I can, for long periods of the walk be distracted, often by movie stars who must have had quite an income supplement between advertisements hawking camel smokes and treatments for dandruff among even seedier offerings.  I imagine the more simple world where you and I would have sat by a fire listening to these and talking about the day we had before retiring somewhere together for a different type of closeness; perhaps with a dog or two.

I think the sale has fallen though, although it is certainly close enough that it is worth considering.   The ball is in my court.  I can wait, I suppose.

8.21.22

 This month flies by.  i went outside to chase away coyotes and stubbed my toe pretty badly on cobblestones this morning; came in washed it with soap and water and made a makeshift bandage from a paper towel which it bled through.

Perhaps today will be that day when I finally cannot workout.  Of course yesterday evening i bit my tongue badly and today i can feel almost nothing and barely remember it.

Whatever does or doesn't happen there i slept better again, almost still 6.  I think it is having that patent filed although i am already making changes, eddies in the current, which will be important as i get closer to something i want to work with.

I thought quite a bit about the unwillingness to look beyond plasma confinement, the idiocy of trying the same thing over and over again.

In the same vein i have been looking at the loi as taking the existing primary framework of knowledge presented in that framework and doing an AI type conversion to fractal as part of categorization and back again.  It is stupid, but perhaps not so stupid since the ability to use empirical data and knowledge is important and that still far surpasses new fractal science.

I will likely clean up the presentation and video on relativity but i am glad i did it because that too would have kept me awake. Paperwork looms ahead of me, but i know what I need to do.

In 1974 ORNL (oak ridge) did a study showing the minimum cost for a toka-type reactor was at 65 million.

I have been aggressively maintaining the ph in the pool, marveling at what a difference this makes as opposed to other chemicals as I always do.  This will not help with the pool sides which are beyond anything other than sanding; but the water quality and speed of spread is slowed down and while far away winter is coming.

It is good to have a short video on the science behind this project, and a business presentation however good or bad that will end up.  I have a direction to go in.

Fun fact, 4 days to the doctor appointment which is step 1 towards dealing with this hernia issue.  8 days for the LOI.

what is next for the day?

8.20.22

 Did the gym yesterday, 30 min elliptical, 20 minutes of weights, my arms were not used to the new machines yet or my memory for the right weights, but it was a good thing.

Peanut butter for dinner.  I did not take a picture of it.  Jiff Peanut butter has been off the shelf for months, but now it is back.  A salmonella thing. Someone died from eating an oyster this past week.

It is after 6 already, I slept till 530 this morning, late for me.

I am ready to move on for that real estate offer.  It was serious, but one of the things it uncovered is that if you look at the total usable area of the property then what you see is a value of well over 400k and from that perspective, ignoring everything else, it should probably be offered at 400 and the buyer may take advantage of this increase in value.  I feel ok leaving the price where it is for the moment, but I can certainly see raising the price when the listing runs out to a price more consistent with the comparable, probably not above 400k, but certainly matching the price of the comps which are smaller.  That is not an issue for me for the next 5 days.

It is early evening.  I published 3 videos (sort of) today.  One covering the new plan, one just a slightly edited version of an old discussion of how to save the planet and a third which is the closest thing yet to a clear presentation (with drawings) of relativistic time dilation; something I wanted to put up.  I could use some additional time with that, but these were things I wanted to get off of my desk.  Not sharing that, but not hiding it either.

I received one polite and one less polite rejection today.  The impolite one was partially my fault.  I don't know that it was called for, but I may have overstepped things a bit. It was a reply which was not necessary which made it a little rude.  It once again showed a refusal to look past the standard model and processes which have not worked despite being tested repeatedly with billions invested.  I would say it is hard to understand, but aside from institutionalized prejudice which is the logical expression, it is the whole video game thing.  It's a battle that I have to continue because part of it is tied to saving the world and I think it will be lost to history and that is certainly what the world deserves.

8.19.22

     Woke up at 5, got enough sleep after a 2.5 mile walk and 1600 yd swim which I needed to decompress so I could sleep.

It is midday and  that provisional is off so I don't have to think about it for a while.  More importantly, I can look towards publishing the book now, something to do that is almost fun this weekend.

I have a couple of months breathing room although I have LOI(s) to put together next week which might be for nothing and I have to get into a national lab although i do have a meeting 9.21 ish with a couple of them.  I want to get to the infuse thing, it is what the thing I just filed was for.  I suspect that is at a dead end, but we will see.  

Maybe I don't have any real breathing room after all.

There is no shortage of things to work on in the interim, a business plan, a book, refining the refined science even more, the response that is 3 months off, the LOI(s), the infuse thing; none of these appear to be received very well.  But by my reckoning, I'm in a video game and one has to wonder how much the reception by a bunch of players who don't know they are in the game matters.

The RE thing appears dormant for the moment, a slow moving undertaking in any event.  We are 10k off anyway, but other than that everything seems fine.  I am waiting for a counter write up for me to sign and send.  Funny, but I drafted a version yesterday and accidently didn't send, so i toughened it up.  Also found two old emails to you which didn't get sent.  i wonder, did you receive them or did you wonder why you never did.  One was from 8/18 of last year, the other from march 1.  I wonder about that last one, would that have been the last thing I ever sent.  Did it get sent at all or did you wonder about it?  How strange a slip in writing an email on a cell phone might change something.  Maybe not in this case.

I will tell you what it said, it wasn't much. "you do sound sort of bitter.  you stopped me from reaching out.  maybe you don't remember what you said.  you don't know what i think either."  What does that even mean today?

But then again, I know it isn't the last thing I ever sent to you.  how very strange it is for the past to come back to the present, as if there were time loops, as if you could travel in time, even though you can't.

It is early afternoon, but I am exhausted.  If I was in Silve C I would likely take a nap or go for a walk to clear my head.  There is no way to clear my head here, it is always about to rain.  I can go to the gym again, if I can't clear my head I might make it where i can sleep tonight.

8.18.22

 There are thunderstorms in the distance.  That could be the name of a book of my life.  they are on the way here.

It is almost 6.  I have been up for a while, unable in the press of events to write here.

Why do i torture myself with memories of you who are dead to me?

Yesterday was not a bad day.   Some time now this proposal for hwy 90 will be put together, perhaps being this close we will both dig our heels end.  Based on the comps, i need to raise and not lower the price.  There was a time when this would have been a step closer to you, now it is primarily an issue of disposing of small debts and covering the costs of patents, one investment paying for another, newer one.   For the moment, those costs are quite low.

I have to file that provisional at some point in time so the book may be published. That being said, I continue to close the loop on how to practice the invention.  I need to make sure those claims are coming. An initial and troublesome initial response has been received from the pto.  The realtor screwed up the counter pitch.  I pitched the idea that i would put the power company at the head of fusion research.  i can add to that that they are investing in climate control, something no other power company has considered.  that alone should be worth the investment.

The last time i amended that provisional, however, will be today if i file it today.  i cannot expect tomorrow to be much different, but there will always be another one and the book needs to be published.

Why do so many thought roads lead back to you?

Darned if I didn't figure out how to do it in detail.

More tomorrow.

8.17.22

 Wednesday looms in the future.  i have been up since 4, now it is just after 5.  I have been troubled by this crowding issue.  Thinking about substituting t15 but none of these solutions make me happy.

It stormed while I fell asleep.

I was unhappy about the election results, they made no sense to me.  They were not unexpected, just disappointing.  

Sometimes I wake up full of insights.  This morning I simply woke up.  The coffee tastes flat, the day ahead is full of things I have to do.  One friends surgery was put off, another is looking at possibly waiting a couple of weeks till he is on medicare; something i have to hellp with.  And look who else is approaching that age.  How lonely for me.

The coffee was so bad today i did not want more even though I could use some.  Several days old no small wonder.

Is it possible to put this thing together now and in T, in time?

It is so strange to think this is possible and impossible.  It is so strange to think this is me and that it is not someone else.  That it is you ad no one else.

I would call today a mixed bag.  I have to workout at some point in time this evening or risk not getting any sleep.  The plan was to swim, but there are this patchy thunderstorms.

I am not sure what i am doing but I am doing a lot.

The DOE is fking with me, but that is not an issue.

Strangely I have someone who is very close on hwy 90.  It could happen and that would be a relief, better for him than me.  This would be a 35k haircut at least; but it would be the end of this and i could easily cut in half that outstanding balance and have the balance needed for the patents and most of that is far down the road.  I will miss that other 35k; but it would be over and done in 3 years and I would be out another few thousand in interest, but that is not anything to worry with.

8.16.22

 Early, still dark out, not 530 yet.  after the dizziness of yesterday i went to sleep early last night, slept well and i am up in the morning darkness again.  The cats are complaining to get out but it is yet too dark.  The fencing comes today.

I have some important meetings also, but most of what i have to do is to follow up on what i have already done.

Nice meeting, it is lunch time, but I rode my bike to work and back and walked the dog; the second bike ride and walk were very hot.  Afterwards I jumped in the overly green pool and stayed in long enough to get my body temperature down so that I could cool off.

Worked hard, still adding to the patent, feel much more comfortable with the fusion modeling, although it is a long way from here to a working generator; but I think I know how to do it.

A storm is coming.

8.15.22

 Computer at office is operating slow, takes about 45 minutes for everything to be up and running.

Getting the fusion document finished; managed to input everything.  It is almost lunchtime, of course.

Well, it is 630 and I have to get around to eating.  Swam 2000 yards with the im, brushed the pool which is not going very well, algae is winning.

The caulk is working out satisfactorily if not well.

I have been exposed to covid.

That's about it for the day.

8.14.22

 It is 6am, been up for a while now, was out an hour ago looking at the full moon and Venus next to it, appearing perhaps 5% as bright.

I am halfway through my coffee, just getting to the point where i can enjoy it.

WWLTV.com: Real Estate experts say investors are swooping in on New Orleans property.

https://www.wwltv.com/article/money/economy/real-estate-experts-say-investors-are-swooping-in-on-new-orleans-property/289-f2343c1b-e4ad-4fb1-a84a-b46d8547fbbd

Almost finished with editing the hard copy.  There is much that does not matter there; there is a hazy light on fusion; a different way of  looking at it that has to be transcribed.  Some hand sketches that need to be changed to formal drawings, but what exactly will they look like and what will they mean>  I think I am finished, and then I am not.   The future looms certain and uncertain before me.

It is far past time to file that provisional and pubish the book, but then these insights continue to come, vague but certain.

I did the drawings and write up for the patent and finished the paper edits on the fusion paper although I let myself be distracted by errands some of which were for little purpose and did not enter them.  It is 520 now, so i have time to do them tonight but i am not sure i would do it.  what i would not do for cash and secretarial help.

I will probably eat something simple tonight, no new food pictures I fear.

Next week will be busy.  

I did a modest 30 minutes on the eliptical wearing the belt which did not help much there, but i feel fine nonetheless for the moment and the appointemtn will now be here before I know it.

Reading has been nice.

8.13.22

 Saturday, time always go by so quickly.

cats got out last night, something i realized when i woke at 5 and it was quiet.   ran outside, full moon and at the gate was one cat but the other wasn't where expected, but showed up shortly.  was a relief.  the coffee is better for that and the cats have only just now starting howling again and i can let them out again.

Ok, 1015 and i did a fairly short 7.5 mile bike ride, checked on the patching material, i would give it a 3 out of 10.  It says interior/exterior, but its really just caulk and on the site they limit its use to interior even thought the packaging says indoor/outdoor.  Its mostly soft with some limited hardening so tomorrow I may have a different view of things.  I needed a polymer composite, this was supposed to be a shortcut, probably not a brilliant way to shortcut things, but even without sanding, a little paint and this product will likely go a long way, I need to replace the wood that I'm trying to get a couple of  years out of with caulk, glue and paint.  If it hardens then I think it will work out.

Started severance after watching the Colbert spoof. It is funny because it is true.

I have spent much of my work morning editing the fusion document.  it's interesting how many changes a print out suggests.

It is a little after noon.   you likely will wonder if i am going insane and likely i am. I might have been able to go crazy without you, but certainly you've played a role.  I'm talking to myself, but I think I'm talking to you.  How crazy is that?  I have essentially been alone other than dealing with the nuisance of these animals for two weeks and i am working extremely hard and in many different directions.

I spent a little time preparing lunch.

Below you will see the base vegetables, all cut from locally grown product.

After the corn, hot peppers were added:

And lastly the finished product with some fresh green onion on top.

It is plated in a large bowl for the sake of visibility.  I know what you are thinking.  Who do i need to marry to eat these meals? Me, obviously.  But no one is eating this with me.  I suppose this means the food is not worth the other costs.

Right now I am waiting for the balance, enough for perhaps 2 more meals, to cool off enough so it can be refrigerated.

It is later, the time when more active people are going out.  I guess you're going out.  I got one of the cats in and I need to get the other one in, sooner would be better.  They love to be out, but coyotes are everywhere, I've seen them and they have sittings on the neighborhood watch.  Hopefully this will not be a challenge, it's exhausting and they'll complain all night if they can't get out again.  I should sleep outside with the coyotes and mosquitos.

I fixed the music issue and I'm adding a couple of longish play-lists.  I found some old radio podcasts, I listened to a western with a famous actress from 1955 and David Niven doing 1984 which was a little too sad, did we betray each other?

Daughtry - Life After You - YouTube

8.12.22

 Friday

Another week gone.

I have quite a bit of work to do today including morning meetings, but i sent out a couple of things which i now can forget about; although i cannot forget about them because i do not forget easily.  That is funny here.

What is a camel, a horse designed by committee.

That is my funny quote of the day.

I have a fairly open morning which will be followed by a busy early afternoon.

Swimming and the long walk allowed me to sleep fairly well for a while but at least starting at 4am the cats howled constantly.

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness.

That is my second quote of the day.

In building the market niche, I find myself bereft of follow up by some of the most important people to whom I have been introduced.  This is frustrating, but not unexpected.  The question is to call or to do nothing.  It is Friday and that is an issue for next week.

It is 2:00 and I'm finishing up DOE seminar.  Opens up the possibility for more work.

Did a lot of the caulking and patching work above my head and my arms are tired from that plus the pool brushing and swimming yesterday and today.  I am pretty exhausted from my shoulders out, but if it doesn't rain, I think I have about 80% of the caulking part of things and its time to start looking at painting and priming.

There is a fair amount of back side and north side building to deal with which is ladder work.  This is not a weight lifting soreness, but just using those muscles which are missed in doing weights or swimming.

Later still.  Nothing is as bad as I would have expected; everything is worse than it should be.

I walked a couple of miles with the horrid dog, the cats insist on going outside and somehow i have to get them in before dark.  Hernia is acting up a bit, swam 1000 yards, only 500 im, but i didnt want to swim at all, just needed to rinse off after the walk.

I got the cats in but it took too long and now they are driving me crazy with noise.  at least it isnt too quiet.  How did i become a crazy cat person?  Just one more responsibility taking my life down some crazy off kilter spiral.

 

8.11.22

This week has flown by.  I am frustrated and i dont have time to deal with all of the issues that keep coming up.

I cannot hold all the science in my head.

I do not have a great concept for moving forward; I will continue with the grants, but the plans to put together the fusion thing, so close and yet so far.

I hope to finish the claims and get them out.

The cip issue.  I may be getting help there, I may not.

6.5 hours of sleep, feeling it.  I feel a little sick, swimming would help, but the weather is uncooperative and i have to walk the dog first or take two showers or sleep like a bum.

Well, did the 2 plus mile walk and then the 2000 yard swim so I am relaxed a little more and the exercise is done.  There is much to do yet.

Dinner tonight. 

Why can't we eat together 

I have no peace in my life and nothing to look forward to except for this ancient vessel to slowly deteriorate as I fight to save the world against itself and all odds.

Back again, my feelings are hurt, cannot say its reasonable.

No word on anything recently filed that i need; but there is no immediate disaster, just a slowly perculating one.

I did get halfway to an offer on a parcel and perhaps that is a sign that things will pick up.  I need to finds someone to work on the Fema claim to go through the counsel and find someone, something i will have to look into next week, it will wait till then.

I miss you and having something that gave life meaning.

8.10.22

 Better news than it could have been yesterday, 

I suppose news that things are not as bad as they could be is good news?

My eyes are back to as normal as they ever are today. They stayed dialated for a longer time than expected yesterday.  I spent much of the time exercising.

Long morning, did the tunica thing a bit, there is so much work to do.  That is something of a longshot, but an interesting long shot which I'd probably ignore but for you.  What on earth would I do there?  That is not likely a real thing.

The hernia thing seems to be worse after swimming, that is a problem because it renders recovery unlikely.  The walking belt works at least, but is terribly uncomfortable.  The long term issue is going to be outpatient surgury followed by me not stopping activity so no telling.  i wont know anything more  for two weeks and there is no end of work to finish during that time.

The cats are howling again, very disturbing.

I got through half the claims and got them typed up but they are still rough.

I am exhausted, i have to eat something and go to bed soon.

I feel better now that I have eaten. I keep thinking to write, we need to talk, but it never makes it to the pages.  I think it is being apart that is destroying my body, but i dont know what to do about it because i have to  keep people alive even though there is only so much i can do.

fk, i have to save the whole fking world, how wrong is that?  I keep think what, if instead on going all charles manson you had just waited a week and come to me.  It might not have made a difference, a honeymoon yes, but could i let people die for my happiness?  it sounds so easy, like hernia surgery on someone else, but i am the one who will need to recover and limit activity when there is so much to do. What a fked up thing this body is, what a fked up thing it is to be apart.

8.9.22

171 this morning, still essentially at target weight.  I did not swim yesterday as it was late before the weather began to cooperate.  The pool needs to be vacuumed really.  The water is clear but the problem with algae on the sides and bottom is there and if i brush it i suspect teh water will not look so great.  Still that is probably what I will do although have to wait and see.  Was rained out of construction projects yesterday and today things will likely be too wet, I need a couple of days of dry weather to dry everything out and then another day to let the caulk dry a bit to do it right.

The paint seemed to survive yesterdays continuous rain although a day of dry would not have hurt anything.  

 Making progress with the claims.  I am going to have to go with a replacement set as opposed to amending them which will be problematic; but at least I did not let the deadline get past me thanks to a sleepless night.

Slept better lalst night, suspect i got 8 hours of sleep, maybe a little lmore, 8 and a half hours according to my watch and I feel pretty good this morning.

Eye doctor this afternoon.  Started on the claims again this morning.  So far nothing really new there, just clarity.  It is exhausting work.  Plan toput pictures with them for reviewer,   something I already started.  It is amazing how close the physics based pictures got to the math based one.  There are differences to be sure, but the baseline was all there in mid 2019 which gives me a priority date back to mid 2018.

The cats are complaining for no reason.

i have never wanted to be with you more than now.  That is from the book i am reading, but it rings true to me 200 years after the words were relegated to that narrow history.

I dropped off the paperwork and located the office of the doctor for later this month.  That will be the beginning of dealing with this hernia issue.  I did get the package for that yesterday although it was left in teh post box and i have not checked it since then.  i am at work so it will wait.

10 minutes early for the eye appointment.  I dread getting my eyes dialated, it will be the end of work for the day.It is not 100 percent masked here, i am using a bandana which i assume is enough under the circumstances.  No exercise at all today, that will be something I can do after this.

The hernia thing was there, its uncomfortable to sit, but will likely be helpful exercising.  I have several questions  there, but since this afternoon is sitting, i wont plan on using it till sometime later.

5 minuts to appointment time, i will post this and perhaps i will  be able to see to come back to it later, perhaps not.

Dinner last night:

8.8.22

I hit under 171 (170 point something) yesterday afternoon, the first time I had a weight that low that late in the day.

I did not weigh this morning.  Should have, but slept badly.  Went to sleep early enough, a little before 10; but then woke at 1 and was more or less awake for two hours, mind racing with the claims I need to amend, the applications i need to put together.

I could have slept a little late because i did fall asleep; but the damn cats went nuts, i think they woke me up in the first place at 1am and then the dog joined in so i was up at 6.  Stilll, it was enough even thought it was only just over 6 hours.  I have a couple of hours before my day starts in earnest, but its time to get to work.

It did however get me working on that project which is due on the 8th and which i will get to over the next week or two, much depending on what happens today.

What i did not do yesterday was swim and there was a price for not exercising as much as I need to to sleep.  How you wound me every day or how I wound myself.

 In life it is not where you go, it is who you travel with. 

That is what my travelog says, its set for tomorrow to file the air force grant that is already filed.  I have to file the doe LOI before the 29th, still some time considering I have aleady filed it 3 or 4 times.  Still, something I have to do.

I spent the afternoon doing temporary repairs.  the extent of the repairs includes beginning some repairs that turned out to be a little beyond caulk.  There are materials for dealing with rotting wood and I have to thread the needle between replacing some pretty important board and batten siding which i am not going to do at this time and just using caul to hold together rotting wood.  Some of the options are as complicated as replacing the wood, but the option I am looking at is a middle ground, neither complex nor expensive; nor I am afraid, altogether adequate, but this plus some paint will keep the building togehter for a few years to come and where will I be by then?

Colorful Food.

You see when I cook for myself I eat ok, no take out, balanced colors.  OK, mac and cheese isnt healthy, but chops and mac and cheese are a pairing from my youth.

I am pretty limited in what is left although there is plenty of food yet.

Well, the call went ok, despite waking me up, I have started down the path in a very preliminary way of amending claims and will put together one set for both I suspect.  Before the call a neightbor called to tell me, uncharacteristically, that the dog had unilaterally exited the back yard (really need to deal with fencing like now) so stopping very briefly to pick up some of the building supplies i need to prevent my office from falling down in the next 30 days and noting for the record that i am not particulalrly thrilled with the way that is going i got home and the dog did not seem upset enough.

I did some very minimal painting and i think it had time to mostly dry before it sprinkled and hopefully that will not hurt the paint.

It rained till I was forced to go out in a sprinkle to walk. I am considering swimming, but its  unlikely although the storms are beginning to break up.  We'll see.  I at least got my steps in and walked the dog and another sleepless nght does not worry me this early in the evening.  I cleared off much of my email.

Good 🌃 how I wish I could say that in person. 

8.7.22

Keep Breathing, not breath.  The name of that show.  I am not very bright.

Maybe I have dunning krueger problems after all.  There is a guy i sent the info to, a physicist, asked him to do the math then get back with me.  That was a while ago, i cannot keep track of these people who dont stay in touch.  I need to add something to these follow ups that dont go anywhere to the calendar, what to do with them?

It is sunday morning.

 After lunch and posting the post i went outside to warm up and read. It was not long after i started reading about the first electrocution (intentional) execution that I was forced to meditate and finally to fall asleep in the heat, 90 degrees in the shade.  I woke up much refreshed although groggy and sweaty only  to see there was too much sun on the pool to swim so i planned then to check back in an hour or so.

I had work to do, but I felt no pressing desire to start it.  The patent, the book, the fundraising the scheduling the follow up, it is not like there is any shortage of work.  I knew the pool water would be warm and full of leaves and if it was not too green it would certainly be green enough to be a problem.

At 410pm i looked at the radar, a sky filled with tiny little thunderstorms.

I decided death would mean I don't have to think about being apart anymore and did 2000 yards, all the im of course.  There were darkish patches of sky along with blue and after my shower I heard a peel of thunder, but I was out and showered.  By 6:30 I was thinking hard about the cats which I allowed to stay out later than normal, but in an hour I had to make sure they are in.  I hoped they would come in on their own, but I was worried.

This morning was a mess.

Woke at 630, although I did wake earlier. I could have slept longer, the cats, fortunately, had other plans.

I had a little under a half cup of coffee already made.  i needed to drink that to get the energy to start on something more.  The coffee shop, well that was a trip too far.

I think the battery life on this thing is like 100 minutes., maybe 2 hours.  It's not really portable, it is a light desk top.

I don't have a list of what i need to do.  If I did things would probably go faster.

I have been contiuing to work on the issue of collision and information exchange.  It is an important thing because it happens at all levels all the time.

It only takes 30 minutes to bake pork chops.  I can have a stir fry for lunch or dinner and then make the maccoroni.  But will I?  Its not a hard or time consuming thing but for whatever reason i havent done it yet.

So here is the thing for those people:

1) a list of names; follow up date or dead end or to add to list

2) the date when the last contact was made and when to follow up

3) a column with some info

I can reorder it based on the follow up date, probably something i should do with the grants too.

This is already done in part on the contacts list.  The charting needs to be improved, that is all.

So lunch happened and so did the beginnings of that graph.

The dog enjoyed the bones although he ate them so quickly it scares me.  I have to debate on the second bone assuming the first one doesnt kill him.

I think to be a good screen writer you have to be able to carry on a conversation with someone who isnt there, but you have to carry on both sides of the conversation.  I have the first part but im not so sure  about the second part.

In the second part of the conversation I only hear anger.  Maybe that is fair.

I have many regrets, they date back to before I was 10, I have been thinking of one from when I was 18, those late in life sometimes seem pretty small compared to those others.

I think that I am able to make amends by saving this wretched race for another generation or two; what if I cant or what if my motivation isnt pure enough, because it isnt pure.  Doing the right thing for the right reason is not necessarily critical.  I suppose it has to be enough to just do the right thing.

I started on the caulking.  It was only a fraction of what needed to be done, but I am convinced that it will help some.  It is not the same as wood and probably will involve something beyond paint after I am done caulking, some type of polymer sealant perhaps like what I am looking for in the pool.  I will have to see, the products are there.

8.6.22

 Good morning.

Ok, I am thinking inguinal hernia.  That checks a lot of boxes and is relatively easy to fix.yoga postures that you can try to treat the inguinal hernia are-Sarvangasana 131; Matsyasana 125; Utthanpadasana 75? 68?; Pawanmuktasana;  https://images.app.goo.gl/qAYBsNPkGRVLiNHZ7

 Paschimottanasana 103; Vajrasana (p94).

Some of the exercises that can strengthen the abdominal muscles are--Inclined leg lifts-Inclined cycling exercise-Pillow squeezes for strengthening the muscles-Mini crunches for the abdominal wall-Pool exercises

An interesting list which makes no sense to me. 

I dont see this as very serious yet, but if its a thing, exercise treatment seems to be the place to start.  I am mindful that smaller means easier to repair.  I put a library book on hold at the local branch, have no idea what most of those poses are.  I dont think there are any real non surgical treatments, but i know that small conditions are watched, not treated and the medical community tends to ignore things that dont involve cutting and i exercise hard, but targeting exercises and this check up i have set up creates a timing alignment where there is enough time to see if the exercises will help before headed down that road.

Of course there is no easy fix here.  I have time for this and time for this means that I can test the remedial options first even though I think it is a dead end and get a little yoga in in case there is not problem at all here.

I think I need another charger given this short charge time, this is used as a desktop unit and that i how it works.   There is a battery saving mode I tried out.  I was not impressed, although much of the charge was gone before I attempted it.  I have my pad for long term solutions although it is not good for serious edits.

Yesterday I made a lot of progress on this epa thing which is going nowhere, but it is a chance to get ready for the usgs next year (missed this year i think) and for this new wave of environmental fundings.  It also gives some foundation to the AF which is likely going nowhere, but is a good story.  I hoped to get news from Mississippi although I can see where that is going to have a hard time going anywhere. 

Yesterday was also a surprisingly big science day.  I have this broad improvement and much to do.

The Chinese Taiwan thing concerns me.  I wrote two books on this more than 10 years ago and I saw this as having arrived 10 years ago and it is so much worse now.  We had a chance to do something then, what chance do we have now with supersonic missiles and people who are so programmed and set on world domination.   Is there no way to save things?  Are my efforts truely wassted here?  Why do i have to know how pointless things are?

It gets really quiet.  It causes me grief at a level which is either too much to bear or just confusing.  Does hearing make it better or worse, I wonder.  I walked 2.5 mi. today and got no im for it.  I have swimming on the list, but whether I do that or not is anyones guess.

It is only 200 but it feels like 7.

8.5.22

 I can say that yesterday was not a wasted day because i got ready for Monday.  I left some questions unanswered, however, and there is much I did not read.  I think my decision, for better or worse has to include the concept of getting more information.

It is interesting because both of the examinations include the same broad concept but one is before definitively defining and time and atomic structure and one is after.

I had a lot to do this morning, but i have finished most of it.

Here's the reference to the end of the world for today:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/picture/2022/aug/04/martin-rowson-on-the-worlds-ride-to-a-cliff-edge-cartoon#img-1

Since it has become my job to save the world, at least for now, I think it is appropriate.  A little support?

I know that is unfair to ask, although I am seeking support from farther out or in more extreme ways than that.  Unfortunately, the hopes that I had for the connections made this past week do not seem to be going anywhere.  It has not been enough time to be certain about that; but I have started this other approach so we'll see.  All of this stuff coming together would be something,  funny it would mean absolutely nothing without you and I am guessing that has something to do with why it does and does not work out.

Where would we be without coffee.

What a friday it has been.  No progress in the broad targets, but the programmer issue is dealt with and the part came in and it is working.  There are a couple of tests, the primary one to see if a single plug in or out can be used to control everything and maybe to see if the usbc can still be made to work which would open a number of other options; but for the moment i have the ability to use two or 3 screens and two usb hookups.

I did a lot of work on EM today, more than I would have thought remained to be done, but I am even closer to dealing with the fusion issues and even the magnetosphere issue.  Strange how far I have come in such a very short time and I suppose putting off the patent continues to make sense.  Monday will be very weird to say the least.

I rode my bike towards the office.  I say toward, because a storm was blowing up and a little past the halfway mark it began to sprinkle and it was big thundercloud that took up the sky over the office and what looked like miles either way so i made a command decision and rode back substituting one 5 mile ride for two 3.5 mile rides.  It was at the hotest part of the day and I dont regret the decision even thought i think the storm just blew itself out.

I made some progress with the pool, but I am just putting off the inevitable.  The algae cannot be eliminated without draining the pool and the water is warm enough that it will continue to thrive and spread but I do think that with the type of scrubbing I did yesterday once a week and regular brushing i can keep it going through the summer.  The chlorine was high, but at a usable level this morning despite the work to bring things more under control but I did not accomplish what i had hoped.

I have everything back up and running in any event and friday has been fast and furious up till now as i take a break to do this.

Ahh Sweet success.  I have it set up so a single usb connection and a single power connection connects and disconnects the computer.  There is a sticking keyboard issue via the usb but its an issue that has to be dealt with and can be solved although I'm not extremely happy about it.

I am dealing with a lot of stuff, why do i have to deal with you? How can I still love you when there is no reason for it.

https://youtu.be/vhTfYMwYFvA

8.4.22

 Breath, that is the name of the mindless miniseries.  Remembered as I fell asleep last night, not hard to remember.

Slept better, probably the 1500 yards swimming.  Today weather promises to be more cooperative.  Busy morning, but it is 9AM already so I need a break.

Had a stupid (very stupid) problem with my early morning call, but it was a 15 minute sales call so not sure what is lost if anything.

Lined up the programmer, threw Tunica into the mix.  That would be a prison without you, funny.  Maybe that is true of life but i have something important to finish.

I swam 30 minutes, brushed the pool from in it pretty hard too, go no intensity minutes for that, walked the dog 2.4 miles in the heat of the day, swam in clouds, but it is sunny again now.  Shocked the pool after brushing it,, pretty hard, treated it for algae after that if it doesnt rain, well i willl test it again tomorrow.

I have a small dinner tonight that i dont want to go to, but i owe the guy the dinner and i have some stuff which is premature but i can talk to him about it and there are things that i need to do besides all of that.

I cant eat fast food anymore after getting so sick last time, not even the breakfasts which i know my stomach can handle.  The place i am eating tonight is a nice place in a place in the country sort of way, home cooked type stuff.

I am not sure what else i am  doing, i just know i am doing that.  perhaps i will come back later tonight and write some more, but i am lost in a deep well of science alone with nothing but my moral obligations to keep me company.

8.3.22

 This is crazy.  it is 549 and i have been up for almost 2 hours.

I could not go to sleep last night so i took half of a 5mg melatonin which worked very well after 30 minutes, was like a serious drug so i think in terms of deep sleep i probably did not do badly but at 4am i could not go back to sleep, so i got up, fed the cats (who always get up with me) and sat down to write up the science that came to me as i lay in bed waiting for the melatonin to kick in.

I was rained out again from swimming.  It is pouring.  I think at 6pm i may be able to try again, i am watching storms fall apart on my radar app.

I had some progress with my project today, very preliminary, but maybe what I need to keep going.  We'll see.

In the interest of sharing what little of life i can with you, i watched an absolutely delightful mini series about a young attorney lost in the wilderness and i would have cancelled my subscription if it did not have a happy ending.  Netflix?  If you are interested and cant find it you can always ask although i would have to type in those key words to find it.  It may yet come to me.  How nice it is to see happy endings.  I must leave this train of thought.

I ended up between storms or at least after them swimming a minimal 1500 yards which still felt good, all the im of course, even though it is not of course.

I think i have gotten as close as i can right now to finding the processes and solutions that i need to move forward, it is a lot to deal with.

I am going to publish this because i miss things so very much even though at times now i feel like i have gotten past this, even thoguh i have not.

8.2.22

 Today has been like something out of a nightmare.

Some parts of it are too gross to write out here but i am stuck remembering them. I will have to do some serious cleaning.

My vision seems to be getting worse, but in a week or so I have an eye doctor appointment and I will have the chance to see where things are headed.  I can still see, at leasts sort of, to work and to write this.

I have this strange half health and half age with my body, i need to start getting more serious about core work, i suppose.

It is hard to continue with my science.  I am ready to file the provisional and publish the book, but every day i wait, i add to it and i now know that as long as I study the new phenomena, there will be additions to the patent; but i also see that i will soon have to abondone the patents if funding is not forthcoming in the immediate future, something which seems increasingly unlikely.  No new bad news there, but no good news either.  I am waiting and I am holding my breath knowing there are places out there where things can happen, as of today there are 7 grants pending and I should get 2 of them, maybe 3; and one of those two would take care of things over the long term.  The grant filed today...well it woudl buy time; but it is far in the future before anything will come of it and it is before the wrong group and the one that follows it will do less and is probably premature in many ways, the real work coming when the next legislative priorities comes out when the grant filed today will become something more important and immedate.

I have to let today go with all of its horrors, tomorrow will be another day and hopefully the horrors will be less.

8.1.22

 168.8

Blew past my target weight.  It does raise the question of whether this is too low, but I would say that is probably part of it; but not all of it.  That is, likely as not i am dying and i can point to something specific, but i will wait till i get to the doctor as i feel fine even though i slept really late this morning, till almost 7.

The heat, careful diet, exercise, dehydration perhaps.  Anyway, the first day when i clearly hit my second target weight, i dont have to lose any more weight, i suppose technically i have to gain 1.2 pounds, funny ha ha.  I look great, cant see myself, i am in great shape and i cant be with the one who i did this for.

Of course other than dying my problems are nothing (yet) compared to others, the beautiful children of ukraine who die or lose their friends for no reason every day, those who live in fear in Ukraine.

Getting increasingly late for work as the tc problem was aleviated and the download seems particularly long.  Not overly worried about this, as it is now working fine.

I am making progress, but things are happening really slowly, I need what I dont have although...there is tjust too much to write adn I cannot talk to you.

My lunch made from leftovers

As good as it looks. 

It is late now, an easy eliiptical plust some limited weights to cotinue to adjust to teh new equipment and a10 minutes on the treadmill to get closer to my steps.  it rained all day so the over taxed windo unit has done its job tonight and it feels pretty good in here, tomorrow the ac guys come to take a look.  i miss...