8.10.22

 Better news than it could have been yesterday, 

I suppose news that things are not as bad as they could be is good news?

My eyes are back to as normal as they ever are today. They stayed dialated for a longer time than expected yesterday.  I spent much of the time exercising.

Long morning, did the tunica thing a bit, there is so much work to do.  That is something of a longshot, but an interesting long shot which I'd probably ignore but for you.  What on earth would I do there?  That is not likely a real thing.

The hernia thing seems to be worse after swimming, that is a problem because it renders recovery unlikely.  The walking belt works at least, but is terribly uncomfortable.  The long term issue is going to be outpatient surgury followed by me not stopping activity so no telling.  i wont know anything more  for two weeks and there is no end of work to finish during that time.

The cats are howling again, very disturbing.

I got through half the claims and got them typed up but they are still rough.

I am exhausted, i have to eat something and go to bed soon.

I feel better now that I have eaten. I keep thinking to write, we need to talk, but it never makes it to the pages.  I think it is being apart that is destroying my body, but i dont know what to do about it because i have to  keep people alive even though there is only so much i can do.

fk, i have to save the whole fking world, how wrong is that?  I keep think what, if instead on going all charles manson you had just waited a week and come to me.  It might not have made a difference, a honeymoon yes, but could i let people die for my happiness?  it sounds so easy, like hernia surgery on someone else, but i am the one who will need to recover and limit activity when there is so much to do. What a fked up thing this body is, what a fked up thing it is to be apart.