8.19.22

     Woke up at 5, got enough sleep after a 2.5 mile walk and 1600 yd swim which I needed to decompress so I could sleep.

It is midday and  that provisional is off so I don't have to think about it for a while.  More importantly, I can look towards publishing the book now, something to do that is almost fun this weekend.

I have a couple of months breathing room although I have LOI(s) to put together next week which might be for nothing and I have to get into a national lab although i do have a meeting 9.21 ish with a couple of them.  I want to get to the infuse thing, it is what the thing I just filed was for.  I suspect that is at a dead end, but we will see.  

Maybe I don't have any real breathing room after all.

There is no shortage of things to work on in the interim, a business plan, a book, refining the refined science even more, the response that is 3 months off, the LOI(s), the infuse thing; none of these appear to be received very well.  But by my reckoning, I'm in a video game and one has to wonder how much the reception by a bunch of players who don't know they are in the game matters.

The RE thing appears dormant for the moment, a slow moving undertaking in any event.  We are 10k off anyway, but other than that everything seems fine.  I am waiting for a counter write up for me to sign and send.  Funny, but I drafted a version yesterday and accidently didn't send, so i toughened it up.  Also found two old emails to you which didn't get sent.  i wonder, did you receive them or did you wonder why you never did.  One was from 8/18 of last year, the other from march 1.  I wonder about that last one, would that have been the last thing I ever sent.  Did it get sent at all or did you wonder about it?  How strange a slip in writing an email on a cell phone might change something.  Maybe not in this case.

I will tell you what it said, it wasn't much. "you do sound sort of bitter.  you stopped me from reaching out.  maybe you don't remember what you said.  you don't know what i think either."  What does that even mean today?

But then again, I know it isn't the last thing I ever sent to you.  how very strange it is for the past to come back to the present, as if there were time loops, as if you could travel in time, even though you can't.

It is early afternoon, but I am exhausted.  If I was in Silve C I would likely take a nap or go for a walk to clear my head.  There is no way to clear my head here, it is always about to rain.  I can go to the gym again, if I can't clear my head I might make it where i can sleep tonight.