8.2.22

 Today has been like something out of a nightmare.

Some parts of it are too gross to write out here but i am stuck remembering them. I will have to do some serious cleaning.

My vision seems to be getting worse, but in a week or so I have an eye doctor appointment and I will have the chance to see where things are headed.  I can still see, at leasts sort of, to work and to write this.

I have this strange half health and half age with my body, i need to start getting more serious about core work, i suppose.

It is hard to continue with my science.  I am ready to file the provisional and publish the book, but every day i wait, i add to it and i now know that as long as I study the new phenomena, there will be additions to the patent; but i also see that i will soon have to abondone the patents if funding is not forthcoming in the immediate future, something which seems increasingly unlikely.  No new bad news there, but no good news either.  I am waiting and I am holding my breath knowing there are places out there where things can happen, as of today there are 7 grants pending and I should get 2 of them, maybe 3; and one of those two would take care of things over the long term.  The grant filed today...well it woudl buy time; but it is far in the future before anything will come of it and it is before the wrong group and the one that follows it will do less and is probably premature in many ways, the real work coming when the next legislative priorities comes out when the grant filed today will become something more important and immedate.

I have to let today go with all of its horrors, tomorrow will be another day and hopefully the horrors will be less.