8.27.22

 4:40am Saturday

It is very dark outside, no real sign of sunlight or even reflected light, as if the city was blacked out, but its only because there are no clouds this morning.  It is said they will come later, but if I want I can swim again this morning.  Too soon?

Saturday got here too fast, but the key things I needed to get done are almost finished and I plan to finish them today, including the enablement one which is complicated.  So many things can come up and I obligated myself to a luncheon which will take some time.  It is funny, in the past I would have looked forward to the drive when I could call you.

I want to go to NM again now that the doctor stuff is out of the way initially, but through September i have appointments tied to that.  Time will tell.  The cats are howling to get out, but it is much too dark.

I'm not planning on working on the book today, although I do have to spend a little more time on the proof.  I'm having trouble with photons which keep insisting on being t12 instead of t11.  They can be either, I suppose; but they have to be one or the other and t12 just seems to work better.  I  get a thumbs up on the amended work.  I'm using my laptop and if i type at maximum speed then weird things happen, like whole pages get erased.

I had dreams of waiting for someone and then taking off to do other stuff, taking their car key with me.  There were other dreams of letting people down.  This is not an absurd set of dreams.  I have the world's future in my hands and can hardly be expected to deliver.  How very weird it is that you brought me to this and refused to go any further.  What were you thinking and what are you thinking now?

my throat is sore, probably from snoring and not covid or something worse.  Last night was pretty rough and though I was up really early, I was tired; I am tired, despite being wide awake every time i woke up last night.

Well it has been a good morning.  I got out the work that i needed to do this weekend.  I am far from finished with the things that needed to be done or even the immediate things, but the next real deadline is 11 days off and I think I will have help with that.  Of course there are a dozen things to do that have various amounts of urgency to them and there is stilll that email to look at and somehow i have to deal with you, this ellusive whisp of memory that haunts all my waking minutes and many of those while i sleep.

When I see people doing things on tv i like to do them, like drinking a cup of coffee, get your head out of the gutter.

If I save the world I should have what (who) i want in new mexico.  Then what if i fail?  The universe knows whether i will be successful, so i suppose it had put me in hell instead.  Wet, humid, hell which, of course, is anywhere without whatever it is that would make this life not hell.

Exercise today was more than brushing a pool.  30 eliptical, 15 weights which was tough after all of the time between the last weight workout, but other than having arms that feel like noodles right now and overcoming the difficulty that comes  with not wanting to do this but doing it anyway.

I may be coming down with a cold,it may be from swimming in a green pool, but nothing too serious yet and those pool things usually dont last if i keep alcohol drops around.  Perhaps that is part of the reason i am tired and lonely.  i cant go see my friend, now home from the hospital although i had planned to do so, cant take a chance on making him sick on top of his other problems.  Soon enough i hope.

I am not sure what i plan to do next, but for the moment I have said enough and you will not be there to answer whether i never say another word or if i blather on forever.