25 days: conceit

There is thunder in the distance; weather at least influenced by the low in the gulf of mexico?   Remnants of Fred, remnants of love; both in tatters as the clock hands slowly move past 5 am.

What happened to love in the time of apocalypse?  It was short lived, comparatively speaking, but the apocalypse is still relatively young.

I am jealous, not so much this morning when I am just tired, but at night.  Insanely as i am with everything else, but I would rather you are happy because love and jealousy live uncomfortable together but not quite as uncomfortable as I live apart from you. 

There is only one set of days.  The other will be two weeks overdue, I am not going to count those days, this week.  It is back to calendaring actions and not due dates.  One week ago Tuesday I sent a request for an update, I will follow up again this week perhaps with a call if nothing happens.  This remains a side show, something hardly worth this blog which is, after all is said and done, all over the place and nowhere at all.

I still have to monitor the trip countdown, it is too big and coming on too fast.  I found excitement and pleasure in the countdown calendar that was your idea, now it is just a countdown to the fear and loneliness i know is coming; but also to something else, something unknown. Perhaps i can be like you and find a stranger in the strange and lonely land, I can pretend that offers the same peace and sense of purpose.  Perhaps it will be real, I am old, but I am healthy and life is just beginning in so many ways.

I could start another family, sounds exhausting, but I suppose it would be possible.   For the moment, I think it better to focus on saving the world, something weirdly in my collection of things to do.

Yesterday I signed up for a chance to pitch the biology angle, a pretty far stretch, and to present where they are only looking for the next SAAS, but out west; and the cost was nothing other than to update something which needed updating anyway.  Like the website, which needs a lot more than I gave it, but I like it a great deal more and there will always be more there.

I wrote a lead in to the high plains desert in my mind and I think I may put it here.  It is in my mind both a parody and a tragedy.

This picture shows something awful and part of an awfully expensive meal which called itself a brunch but was just a series of over expensive dishes, like this one.  I can't tell you what this cost; but it was more than the best breakfast at some place with a really good breakfast like cracker barrel.  That is right, if you and I could have overcome our problems you'd have to go eat in a cracker barrel, at least every once in a while.  It would have been much better than this whether it looks good or not.  I couldn't even eat it; it pretended to be a cinnamon role, but that was just pretense, like so much else.  There are reasons for you to be happy with what you have done to this thing.

This horrid role is an example of described and apparent value being far less than actual value.

On march 2 of 2014, there was nothing but a quote.  I wonder if it was not a bit of advice I felt I would need 7 years later.

 

3/2/14

conceit spoils the finest genius.  Alcott