16/7/67

This unusual timeline reflects that the date for the LOI(s) is upon me.  Enough of those, including the one with the most support, have been submitted, so that type of deadline is out of the way, but there are other options out there.  There are a couple of others that fit within the scheme of things.  I need to revise my workload around getting those done this week, I was waiting for feedback but it isn't coming in time.

The AF is gone for better or worse.

My subconscious is not very subtle, dreaming of traveling alone underwater, others unsuccessfully following me, accompanied by monsters that seep into the ceiling.

You don't have to give lip service to my attestations of affection.  Not a single comment about the butterfly song, obviously there is nothing really there.  Just an excuse to keep ghosting me I guess.

You know what waits for me.  Every snake in New Mexico, Every escaped prisoner or madman will stop by waiting only for the grisly bears to decide who will have its way with my body.  Every ghost of every dead miner or outlaw, every demon of the high plains desert will haunt me for what passes for my soul.  All of the monsters real or imagined will haunt my nights, laughing at my attempts to sleep or find peace.  I can see why you don't want to be a part of it.  And perhaps if all of that is not enough, I will be struck down by the pestilence or find myself trapped alone on a mountain by snows or some zombie apocalypse.  Make fun of me all you like, it is the end I have made for myself, I have made my bed, I will not sleep; but I may die of fear in it.

I was only 1.2 pounds over my target weight this morning, but that after a ride/swim workout combination.  After missing lunch I ended up eating the rest of the afternoon.

I got a lot done this morning, but this afternoon has been a lot slower, couldn't stop myself from eating, even finishing off those oatmeal cookies.  At the end I was in a type of stupor which I treated with a walk in conditions so humid, I sit hear soaked and not much recovered; but at least it is a different suffering, the ghosts instead of my fellow madmen.

I made some serious progress on several fronts this morning, pretty much stuck with two provisional instead of just one if I'm going to retire even that conceptually before the 16 days are up; but that becomes fairly doable.  I'm already pretty close, maybe as few as 20 pages away with reducing text size and stacking the drawings together.  It was a pretty radical and fast cut away; but there is so much new stuff that the old stuff is becoming superfluous.  Even so, 200 pages will have to be cut much further back, it'll be a real s-storm of editing in new mexico.  That gets me to the next group of submissions which allows me to resubmit, in some parts, the most detailed one so I get at least to shots there.  What I have done is amazing, I am surprised as I have always been, there is so much to do yet; even as time grows short.

My author copies are arriving late on Wednesday now.  Plenty soon enough.