My road, god and the science of despair

(Sunday's chapter)

As I approach the end of my life as a virtuous person, it is important now to share the science of despair.  I have spoken of this theory.  It is not an allusion or other literary device.  It is, unfortunately, a very real thing.

At the time that I came up with it, I envisioned it as beginning with Einstein in the early 1900s, that clever physicist realizing that things were not what they seemed, that things only appeared the way they did from a relative view point that could change and change very easily.  She, however, corrected me. It seems that she knew more about what I had developed than I did.  What I developed was the end of religion and the end of atheism.  I had answered both and rendered both irrelevant, although it would take me years to fully appreciate it.

“Did you read the paper I sent to you,” the narcissist asks his one true love?

“Yes, although I didn’t understand all of it.”

“That is probably more because of my inability to properly express the technical side of things and the remaining portions yet be deduced.  In fact, I may never deduce them, it may be beyond my grasp.”

“It looks like Zeno’s paradoxes.”

“What!?”

“Zeno, he was a Greek philosopher 5,000 years ago.  He was the teacher of Socrates.  But he came up with a series of inconsistences in time and space which would be known as Zeno’s paradoxes to support his teacher.”

On further study, I was to confirm this and the deep understanding of the Greeks concerning the paradox of space and distance.

“Disheartened?  No at all.  First, it went a long way towards validating my work.  Also they had the what, but not why.  And my work was not entirely original.  In the 1900s that famous Jewish physicist began to unravel the mystery and came up with the idea of space time and that without time everything would happen at once.  He could not give up dimension and time being present which was the same problem that the later hologramists had.  The reason that they were unable to figure out this very minor issue, although to be fair it was considered extensively in their works, was that they were all working backwards.  They were all starting with a linear universe and working back to a singularity.  Einstein, correctly, have at least recognized the possibility, by negative inference, of a singularity where everything happened at once.  It might be said without offense, that my primary contribution was in making a positive inference from a negative one.

Even fiction writers had come fairly close.  Kurt Vonnegut had a character come unstuck in time and his experiences were without true linearity.  But there was neither the theory to tie it down, nor did space time cease to exist at any point in the fictional examination.

Most factionalists clung desperately to multi-dimensions and time travel scenarios because they fit better within a linear framework.  While I was the first, perhaps, to give a frame work to the nonlinear environment, it came down to hologram theory to create a universe where everything happened at once, even though it was, incorrectly, a non-Zeno universe.

Hologram theory, again working from observed phenomena, or more precisely from mathematical models of what they thought they were seeing in black holes, was the first theory to apply physics to the problem and determine that space was a projection from a two dimensional framework.  Unfortunately, like my earlier theory of EHT, this theory suffered because it could not abandon dimension.  It was inherent in a hologram that everything happened at once, being frozen in a universal hologram, but the idea that you had to project reality forth was where the theory would fall short.  And even without projection the hologram itself had dimension.   The part which misled the hologramists the worst was a misunderstanding of black holes, the study of which had led to the theory.  Hologram theory held that at the level of gravitational and spatial collapse within a black hole that everything collapsed down to the two dimensional hologram.  They saw, as did EHT, the collapsing of space in a black hole as instead of what it was, a greater, exponentially greater, sharing of information or time orbits, within large concentrations of “coordinate information.”

There was one step left by the prior phsyicists to take and I took it.  It is the idea that space-time doesn’t exist at all.  IT is the application of Einstein to Hologram theory, that everything does happen at once. 

“How does this indicate despair?  It sounds just like a physics lecture.”

“To understand how it relates to despair think about what it means.  Every moment continues to exist complete without all of its accompanying joy and trauma after we think it has passed.  Truly your life is what you make of it, but imagine if, having been made, it remains there forever.  The girl is forever doomed to be ignoring my pleas to go out before I got married. I am forever failing to do whatever it was going to take to make our relationship work.  The moments we suffered apart continue after they are gone into eternity.”

“But that makes it sound like all you need to do is start each day doing the right thing and keep it up.”

“That, you correctly state, is the value of virtue.  While I was in a state of virtue, even though everything was crumbling around me, even though I faced a financial oblivion that threatened to destroy everything around me is why my life at that time was a great as it had ever been….”

“But is presumed by the long pause,” The regular said.

“Yes, but if everything has happened, everything, as shown by math, physics and chemistry, can be predicted.  Predestination quickly follows as does the idea that every moment is frozen in its entirety containing all things that are happening in the universe.  The despair comes from the knowledge that there is only the illusion of self determination.”***

All that remained for me was to determine that the mathematics was actually concerned with information theory.  This leap of discovery would have been obvious to a freshman physics student with the least precocious mind, even though it took me almost a year after I had written down the information equation in support of my theory to realize what it meant.  When it finally did, very slowly, sink in to me, other scientists were already speculating that we were some kind of digital movie, an idea which I had already had, but which they made sound original by their superior access to the press.  But there remained far behind me, because I had discovered a new form of time that embodied space.  It was coordinate information theory.  A type of information which worked just like the information that we have, but which was subtly different because it made up the universe and because it remained in place long after it expressed itself with the illusion of linearity.

There was more to this, of course.  I was able to come up with the process for solving pi which otherwise was, by its very definition, an infinite series and therefore unsolvable in a linear environment.  I was able to explain what gravity was, the reasons why a true higgs boson was undiscoverable, how the fields were unified and why we could not take advantage of it.  I was able to prove that time remained frozen in place, but why we could never break into time in order to move about in it like a worm in the dirt. 

Does this make me wise or brilliant?  No, it only makes me inquisitive.  For it to seem brilliant, someone else has to accept it.  And to accept it was to render it valueless.

“How could it be valueless?”

“Because in a predestined universe, it has already happened.  I am merely a vessel carrying it to market.  Something has already filled the vessel and sent it to the market.  Even my existence is predetermined.”

“You said you have proved and disproved god.”

“Not in so many words, what I had done is to disprove religion as we believe in it.  In a predestined universe, there is no reason for faith and no need to acknowledge subservience to god.  The universe, whether a god created one or not, has already pre-programed into us our belief or disbelief.  Those who use religion to control others or as an excuse to do harm or good are merely following a script over which they have no control.”

 “But you don’t deny some sort of god.”

“I redefine god.  God is not some all-knowing being, it merely represents a state of things, a creation where everything happens at once and without the possibility of randomness.  The universe is self determined and infinitely repeated.  It is circular, quantum and finite.  To the extent that it was created, it was created without a moment, because a moment would not have existed if linearity is an illusion which it must be for everything to be so predictable as to allow for mathematics.”

“So you are saying there is a god, whatever your definition?”

“The existence of a type of god is inherent in a predestined universe, but it is not the god that you would pray to.  It is a god that has stripped the meaning of life and the meaning of faith.  What value would your prayers have to a god who had already determined whether they would be given or not?”