6.22.22: you may not want to read this one as i was visited by death today

 I am heartbroken, not just for myself.

I well understand that this is trivial compared to what many are going through and I would advise you to stop reading because this is about a different type of pain and sadnss which is so much a part of the world.

All things born die.

This morning P. did not show up for breakfast.  This happens on occasion as i get up very early and P. likes to hunt and when we was successful he would bring it upstairs and yowl for the approbation he felt he deserved.

You can see where this is going, now is the time to turn back if you entered.

Late in the day he had still not shown up.  He was a rescue, one of two littermates, both male and they would clean each other on occasion and when they first got here, terrified, they hid in furniture and had each other for comfort.

They eventually adapted and came to love this area.  P. in particular loved to go outside as he was not raised to it.  He would sleep on the steps in front, on a stump, on the cobblestones and anywhere else he took a fancy.

I found only half of his body.  It is almost certain one of the coyotes here caught him, his luck ran out.  I feel partially if not wholly responsible for his death, although he loved his yard and with his hunting i think if he could have thought this way he would have felt the same way; that this was a noble part of the circle of life.

I had to dig his grave and bury him, covering his body, lovingly wrapped in a robe, pushing the dirt over him with my bare hands to better express my love and anguish.

His littermate lives.  I think he knows something is wrong, but how much can he know?  I know  he misses his brother and my heart is broken for him.  The dead, well the dead know either peace or reincarnation in one form or another.  This was a loving cat, he loved his house, his brother and i think his extended family and i feel his last thoughts were for his brother who, being a cat, will hopefully recover.

My eyes tear up as i write this, as I said, i am heartbroken, not for dead, although I am sad for P. who I loved as a person loves a cat; but for the living.

RIP P.

He is just asleep in this picture.  Dear friend, good cat.