Slept badly and woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep. Only 6 hours of sleep, but I was supercharged with anxiety and did not feel tired during the day.
woke up thinking about how to deal with em and with it on solar scales. It is a different type of thing. I mentioned a super-force in my writings.
It is nice and weird to be here alone and hard to deal with domestic chores and protecting animals from coyotes, perhaps not enough. That's part of the problem, I think. Without saying it is wrong, part of the problem is the disgust at what I let myself be put through, instead of sympathy. Not wrong, I am disgusted with myself, but that is half the reason for this broken communication. The other half is that I cannot control my emotions around you.
Found out there is a coyote watch on next door and spent a little time fielding messages there.
June is gone.
Even if it cannot be done, it is the right thing to pursue because it drags the rest along with it. It is dark again, too dark to ride to work, too much thunder to swim.
Well, its 646. I ate one meal for lunch and dinner at around 345 or maybe it was closer to 4. I ate two donuts to tide me over around 1130 and another one for desert after dinunch; yes, that is correct, I ate 3 donuts. You expect I might try to blame that on you and I could make that argument, but you aren't listening and perhaps the person responsible for my problems is the one who scowls at me when I shave.
Yes, it was a horrible donut of guilt, I had already walked 2.5 miles and done my stairs, but I still swam 1500 yards to "balance things out" as much as I could, did all 1000 of the im the standard way tonight; meaning just enough of a warmup so I could do the im. I feel ok, a little worn out.
The weather was beautiful during the swim, even cool when I got out, hot and muggy during the walk.
I sent in what the internet said was a solution, but then was told it might not be. Will I be able to sleep tonight? That is only 1/2 of the problem. I have more to do. I have to renumber all the claims, need to size everything too. That will be easy and a job for tomorrow morning when I'm fresh or when I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I have to do it right away. no sense of panic from anyone so maybe I shouldn't panic.
Had a good call, still sweaty from the walk before the swim, both helpful and not; but the va thing is moving forward and I have the help i need for it.
Why can't I say what I want in my own blog, I wonder, what I miss, what I'd like to say, explanations of these things that I only touch on here.
No comments:
Post a Comment